PunkTV.ca exclusive interview by Dixon Christie with Happy Tom of Turbonegro in support of Do You Dig Destruction?

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Dixon: So you guys just got back from North America. I ran in to you guys down at Emo's in Austin Texas two weeks ago. Hank and another gentleman there, I was trying to get a photo and they were so drunk they gave me a photo of them kissing by the front door of Emo's at two a.m.

Tom: Was the other guy striking, like a very beautiful person with a purple member's only jacket?

Yes, he was unbelievably good looking.

Yeah that's me.

Haha. I've got the photo proof of you two making out dude.

Haha. It's just Hank.

I wanted to do an interview but you were not up for the idea of interviewing at Emo's.

No, we didn't have time. We didn't want to spend valuable drinking time on interviews.

Well listen, just for kids that are reading this I have to tell you that the legends of Turbonegro and their infamous drinking are absolutely one hundred percent true because you were shit faced. And I think I saw you around Austin two or three times and every time I saw you guys you were absolutely inebriated.

Well, you know it's all in a day's work. It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it.

Well you have a commitment to it and I can see that you really apply yourselves. I got to commend you on that. That's good. You do it well.

We used to party a lot more before and as we got older we learned how to do it not as often but with a higher degree of professionalism. Nowadays we party with almost surgical precision.

Did you like the Austin, Texas free pour? At Emo's at the back bar when you order a drink they free pour it. And they will pour you a three ounce or four ounce drink.

Oh Christ.

In Canada they pour your shot into a glass and measure out one ounce and that's your drink. In Austin, Texas if you order a Jaeger Bomb like everyone should, they pour you out like four ounces of Jaeger.

Shit. That explains it. Same in Norway they are really cheap, they really measure it out by the millimeter and you have to pay a lot.

Oh jeez.

PETA and Pamela Anderson's looking into it and everybody. It's so inhumane.

It's cruelty to animals is what it is.

Cruelty to party animals.

That's exactly right.

It has to stop.

It does have to stop. I like Texas, what did you guys think of Austin?

Great. We've been there a bunch of times before. We love it there. You can go drunk driving and the cops won't care until you hit something.

Haha.

That's the spirit.

Those are the good ol' days. When you think about it there is something to be said for that. They keep changing the laws and making everything tighter and tighter. Back in those days you didn't need seatbelts to restrain you kids.

I know and it's all thanks to you god damn Canadians. Because of The Men Without Hats (90's pop band) and The Safety Dance.

Was that it?

That's what started it all.

Well, I have to apologize on behalf of all Canada.

The safety dance and aids.

Is that correct?

Yes. We gave you all that support in World War II and all you gave back to us was the safety dance and aids.

How many people did you send to support us in World War II? You're like Canada, you sent over like a hundred people or something. That's all we sent.

We call it a dirty dozen of really tough guys and just came over there and kicked the German's ass.

The toughest fuckin' Norwegians known to man.

Yeah.

Badass dudes. So, what is life like? I know you live this debaucherus lifestyle. What is life like in Oslo compared to life on the road for your party band?

Oh, it's pretty nice. We live good easy living.

You live the life of a rock star.

It evens out. We live pretty much at the level of a Canadian factory worker.

Okay, you know there's almost no such thing as a Canadian factory worker now.

Canadian Bacon (the movie with the late great John Candy) factory worker?

Canadian Bacon factory worker...yeah they probably make about the equivalent about fifteen dollars US per hour. In China that person would probably make about fifty cents US per hour.

But they are smaller. They don't need as much carbs and protein.

That's politically (in)correct.

The problem with child laborers, it's all fun and games until they start picking their noses and they get their boogers on all the products.

That's exactly it.

I hate that.

They have to booger proof the food. The kids could just wear mittens.

If they would just kindly wear mittens, it would be totally different.

I think it would fix the problem with child labor and we can put our children to work at younger and younger ages.

Yeah. Do you have that thing in Canada, we call it distance adoption where you send like ten dollars a month to keep some kid in school or feed the kid?

Yes, absolutely we do.

Yeah I have like two of those kids in Indonesia and recently I had one of my watches break and I sent it down there and had them fix it for me. Because it's just a way of keeping them at work and learning new skills and it's cheap because it costs only like ten bucks a month per kid. You could have them do all sorts of stuff you know, that has to be fixed. And,mending shoes.

That's very kind of you Tom.

A different world is possible.

For ten dollars a month.

Yes. It's only ten bucks away.

Do guys live in the king's castle over there in Norway? I understand they all moved out (the royals.) They figured that since you were such a national icon to the country that they would allow you to live in the castle. Is that kind of they way it all basically rolled out?

No, not really. Because we are all from the suburbs here. Hank is from northern Norway but he grew up around here. It's like, I heard from Danko Jones the bands in Canada, bands can get money from the government.

Yeah.

That's the same here but they never gave us one single penny and everyone else gets money to do a tour all the way around the world but they never gave us money.

Aren't you the best band in Norway?

You know, that's why I drink because I blame it on society.

Well good. That's great. All the great artists of all time have drunk, or smoked opium. Maybe as you get older that may be a good new vice to take on.

What town are you in? Thunder Bay?

I'm in Edmonton, Alberta...eh. Do you know where that is?

What bands are from there?

SNFU, the greatest punk rock band of all time. (Well, one of my faves anyways.)

What about Beyond Possessions?

Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah! They're from Edmonton, you know about them?

Yeah, one of my best friends is the drummer in Beyond Possessions. Me and him have a Beyond Possessions fanclub, Norway chapter.

No kidding. What else is from Edmonton? K. D. Lang, country singer. Ian Tyson, country singer. I got to be able to do better than this.

Ian Tyson? That sounds like a wimpy version of Mike Tyson. Like a rich, white version of Mike Tyson. (laughs)

He's kind of like the George Jones of Alberta. He's released about twenty five albums and considered a cultural icon. Oh, that guy with the disease from Back to the Future.

Michael J Fox.

Yeah, he's from Edmonton too.

Fag.

And those are some of the coolest movies ever made.

Yeah yeah, don't get all uppity.

No, that's right. Exactly, haha. So, are you coming to Edmonton?

Well, it's the oil town isn't it?

Yes, it is. The Edmonton Oilers. Wayne Gretsky.

Right on.

I should know how many people come from Edmonton, Alberta.

Well you can just Google it right now.

Absolutely I'm Googling it right now.

Can you Google big tits for me because I haven't Googled that for almost twenty-five hours. I just wanted to know if there's any news.

There are two point nine million replies for big tits. But better than big tits is big tits and round asses.

How is it looking?

I'm a bigger fan of round asses than I am of big tits.

I'm a bigger fan of round asses than square asses. I have a square ass myself, chiseled out of bronze.

Is that right? That's what I've heard of you actually.

Haha, actually.

What's with the beards? I mean what is happening to rock and roll, dude? Please share something with me and illuminate my mind.

I don't know we just instead of cool seventies hair we went for beards but that sorta died out but now we are stuck with it.

Tell me about Turbojugend.

That's our fan club.

Why are legions of fans all over the world so crazy about you guys that you have fan clubs everywhere? Do they sell their souls to the devil in order to become fans? How does one become a fan of the Turbojugend?

They just send money to an address in Germany and you get the jacket. But it has to be a minimum of three people per chapter. Hank made up a bunch of rules but it's almost like new age stuff. If you Google Turbojugend, round asses, big tits theres going to be a picture of Hank and possibly me.

What is Turbojugend and Turbonegro about? What do those words mean?

In the car industry there's a bunch of different shades of black that you can paint you car and the darkest black is called Turbonegro. So we picked it up because people would think it was racist and you get that whole thing going.

Yeah, and that's a good way to be remembered.

Yeah, and it's just a word.

It is. I got to interview Henry Rollins a couple of weeks ago, one of the highlights of my life. What question would you have asked Henry?

Go back to Baskin Robin's ice cream parlor. I'm just kidding. I'm a big Black Flag fan and I saw Rollin's band a while ago and I wasn't really into it.

Is his philosophy is better than his band?

I was really drunk. We have something called the Henry Rollins beer game. We put on a Henry Rollins record and every time he says "Youuuu" you have to drink a beer.

Do you get loaded playing that game?

You get really drunk really fast.

He says it a lot?

Yes. A lot.

Some of your best shows include forty-four thousand fans and girls getting over ten teeth knocked out. Why do you inspire such lunacy in your fans?

We hypnotize them.

What's the new album?

We think it might be called Born to Run to a Certain Extent or All I Wanted Was Love but You Gave Me Aids.

As a homage to Canada?

Yes. We're going to call it Men With Out Hats.

You heard it here first, people... Bam Margera has the Alpha Tribute CD to Turbonegro listed as one of the top twelve albums of all time.

Right on.

What would surprise people the most to hear about Turbonegro?

Pretty much everything is out in the open. It's unmasked, either slightly underweight or slightly overweight guys just trying to get their nut off.

Which of the following experiences have you had? Have you seen the face of god, had an alien encounter, or seen a ghost?

Seen an alien? I've seen a dolphin turn into Slash from Guns N Roses playing a guitar solo...in a video.

Wow. Evolution or intelligent design?

Evolution.

The breakdown of all humanity started with Turbonegro in 1989.

Yes. The start of something new.

A new mutation of human evolved since 1989 with the inception of Turbonegro.

I hope so. Buy our t-shirts./p>

Where can you get the shirts where the money goes to booze and the band?

The shows.

That's the best way. Are you coming back to North America this summer?

This fall.

Interview by: Dixon Christie, PunkTV.ca
Visit Dixon on Nexopia!

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Turbonegro in concert: