so much confusion
so much fear
i have no idea what my future holds
what to do with my life...
im reaching out for greatness
but i feel failure within my grasp
how do u defeat your future
is there anyway out
people think im horrible,
but i ask you is it horrible to want a better future
to want out
day by day, week by week, month by month
how many live this way
i dont want to....
i know i overthink everything
i overstress everything
im a drama queen
but what about when the past is thrown back in your face what then
what do you do.
i buried the past a long time i dont want it resurfaced
what is going on, why is this all happening
why am i sad, why am i depressed
whats wrong with me....
ahhhh
im writing again my sad poems, if you could even call them that
im writing, because its a way my heart can come out and say its feelings
heavy burdened, is it for a reason,
probably
that i dont know yet...
i hope all is revealed soon cause i hate this feeling so much.
my whole life i just wanted to be used, to be important, to make a difference
and here i am doin all that,
but am i happy? sometimes....
but i feel like im inside a shell and there is no way out
how long have i been surrounded by walls,
how do u break walls you barely knew were there.
are there walls or am i just being a drama queen like always,
people say no one could do what i do but thats not true
im not equipped to do what i do, what right do i have
blah blah blah rambling much.....

L A S T
1.Person that slept in bed beside you? mom
2. Saw you cry? the girls
3. You went to the movies with? Mom and Chantelle
4. You went to dinner with? mom and chantelle
5. You talked on the phone? don
6. Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it? don
7. Made you laugh? hmmmm..... mom probably

W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Nose for pain tongue for look
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny all the way
3. Drink whole or skim milk? Whole
4. Die in a fire or drown? Drown it wouldn't hurt as much
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? Parents

A R E Y O U. .
1. Simple or complicated? Im so complicated lol and emotional sometimes lol
2. Homosexual? No

DO YOU PREFER. .
1. Flowers or candy? Flowers and candy can i pick that haha
2. Gray or black? Black
3. Color or Black and white photos? Color photos
4. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset
5. M&Ms or Skittles? M&Ms ( I love chocolate )
6. Staying up late or waking up early? Staying up late ( I hate waking up early )

A N S W E R T R U T H F U L L Y !!
1. Do you like anyone? Yes
2. Do they know it? Yep

D O Y O U P R E F E R. .
1. Sun or moon? moon
2. Winter or Fall? Fall
3. Left or right? Right
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? The 2 best friends
5. Sun or rain? rain
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? I like Twist lol
7. Vodka or Jack? Neither

A B O U T Y O U!
1. What time is it? 2:43
2. Name? Britiny
3. Nickname(s): Bzy, Bzy Bumble Bee, Bzdel, Brit, Biz
4. What is your birth date? Dec 07, 1991
5. What do you want? To find true love and get married and a nice car
6. Where do you want to live? small town
7. How many kids do you want? 3
8. What would you want to name a girl? Roxie
9. What would you want to name a boy? Jaxon
10. You want to get married? Yes

U N I Q U E !
1. Nervous Habits? Chewing my nails
2. Are you double jointed? No
3. Can you roll your tongue? I think I can how do u do it?
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? Yes
5. Can you cross your eyes? No thats trippy lol
6. Do you make your bed daily? LOL No like never

R A N D O M:
1. Which shoe goes on first? I don't know what ever shoe i have in my hand
2. Ever thrown something at someone? lol yes, yes i have
3. On the average, how much money do you carry with you? None anymore not since i quit my job lol
4. What jewelry do you wear? Earrings, and necklace lol

O D D S?
1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? I twirl it
2. Have you ever eaten Spam? No gross lol
3. Favorite ice cream: Twist
4. How many kinds cereal are in your cabinet? like 4 lol
5. What's your favorite beverage? Pop ( coke )
6. Do you cook? Ya and I'm actually really good like im awesome

I N T H E L A S T M O N T H , H A V E Y O U ?
1. had a b/f or g/f? Yep
2. Bought something: yes
4. Sang: Yes ( I couldn't live without singing )
5. Been kissed: yep
6. Been hugged: Yep
7. Felt stupid: yep yep
8. Missed someone: yep
9. Got drunk: Nope
10. Gotten high: NEVER!!
11. Danced crazy: No not really maybe kinda at grad
12. Gotten your hair cut: yes my bangs lol
13. Cried: no
14. Lied: yes
15. Snuck out of the house: No
16.Been dumped: No

TEN FIRSTS
First Best Friend: andrew
First Screen Name: I think it was Britiny lol
First Pet: Blacky ( Cat )
First Piercing: Ears
First Crush: I don't remember i think it was ryan lol
First CD: I don't remember
First Car: Hot Wheels
First Stuffed animal: This Clown Doll ( kinda thing it was kinda a teddy but a little bigger )
First Kiss: cory
First School: Spruce Ave ( in kingsway )

NINE LASTS
Last Alcoholic Beverage: Never
Last Car ride: today
Last Movie Seen: 17 again
Last Phone Call: don
Last Song Played: for the night i cant remember
Last Bubble Bath: I forget lol
Last time you Cried: long time....
Last Movie watch(not in theaters): um ... shes not that into you
Last Fight: hahaha

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVER
Have you ever dated one of your best friends: Ya
Have you ever been arrested? No
Have you ever skinny dipped: No
Have you ever been on tv: Yes ( kinda )
Have you ever kissed someone, and then regreted it? No
Have you ever had a sex dream about someone? No
Have you ever cheated on someone? No
Have you ever liked someone who you couldnt have: Yes

SEVEN THINGS YOU ARE WEARING
1. h
2. a
3. h
4. a
5. h
6. a
7. ..... clothes

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. drove around
2. Talked on facebook
3. Eaten
4. Listened to Music
5. went to library
6. Laughed

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER
1. Jesus
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Singing
5. Sports

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
1. Veronica
2. Chantelle
3. Shelby
4. Mommy

THREE CHOICES
1.Black or White: Black
2. Hot or Cold: Cold
3. Chocolate or Vanilla: Twist

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Get Married
2. Save a Life

ONE THING YOU REGRET:
1. Not getting a chance to say how I feel sometimes

What a awesome day

first i had to wake up at like 9:20 so that kinda sucked so it started off with me getting my waver form signed lol and then my crazy little rampage of trying to find my bus pass, then i was on my way already late to meet with tj, nigel, brad lord, brad letawske, nathan, matt, afro, trevor, and richard, so i finally get to clariview at 10:30... when i was suppose to be there for 10 but it was all good because brad and nigel still were not there lol.... when everyone arrived we headed off to WEM

what a exciting LRT ride to WEM with me tj and nigel improving, and then the scary breakdown of the LRT on the bridge in the middle, and it was windy i thought we were goin to fall into the water lol, then we got to university and we walking to the 4 bus stop when the four started to leave, we gave up hope on catching it, but then it stopped and we all booked it to catch it lol, once we arrived at WEM we went straight to the paintball arena

paintball was ok.... i turned into a coward there lol i hid and got hit probably three times.... i said mercy a lot of times my friends are nice lol, then the crazy battle in the bigger space, and brads epic fall lol of trying to get the flag for capture the flag and it was crazy ..... let just say the masks were foggy so you dont know whos on your side lol, so when brad went for the flad he had 12 people shooting at him at once, because there was some random peopel playing with us lol, and well it was so like in the movies he fell on his knees and was like moving with each hit, and crying out in pain..... i felt bad cause i hit him twice i think and he was on my team...... i stopped when i realized who it was lol......

anyways when paintball ended we all went to the foodcourt and ate it was kool....

then we tried to decide on mini golf or something else, it was hard, then brad suggested bowling and we loved the idea so we bus all the way to fraser bowling alley and played some fun games lol my team won the first game, but the other team won the second game lol.... but i would like to add that in the second game i had the highest score, even though me and brad lord were neck to neck, man tensions were high lol

then we bused it from fraser ( we ran into shelby on the bus so that was really awesome lol) to tjs place and went down in the basement at this point it was me and 7 guys in the basement lol

we decided to have a foosball tournament , so to start it off brad started playing and defeated all of the other 4 guys playing, then i played him and i won, so i got to play everyone till i lost or beat them all and well i beat them all so we had to find out who would be the 3rd and 4th in the finals, and nigel and tj took those titles
so me and tj competed and he was knocked out i won 3 games in a row, undefeated, then nigel and brad faced, brade won 2 then nigel won 1 but brad took it home by winnign the 4th game
so it was down to me and brad for the championship of 2008 lol
we started the first game and well brad won, then we played the second game and brad won again at this point i thought i was done for, but i gave it all i had and i won the 3rd game, and then i won the 4th game, so finally it was down to the 5th game for the championships we each had won 2 games....
in the end i came out on top with 10, 8 on the scoreboard it was a intense game, and well not bad i say for a girl to beat 5 guys

anyways it was a fun night lol and a awesome day :D

P.S i forgot to add that i was attacked by tj while refereeing his game with nigel i was pushed off my chair and getting faked hit lol i just thought i would remind some friend who i have been friends with a long time how damagine the moment was for me lol and you cant deny it everyone saw that lol...... good times lol

one question: one chance: one answer
100% honesty, that's all you get. you get to ask me one question.
(any one question)

send to me a message labled (QUESTION) with ur question
Conditions: I won't tell anyone what you asked me and i'll answer it honestly.
The catch is, to repost this and see what people ask you

Leave The Sheep Alone!!!!!!

haha funniest thing ever!!! or maybe we were just to tired !!! lol

Leave your name and I will tell you these .

one . i'll respond with something random about you .
two . i'll tell you a song that reminds me of you .
three . i'll pick a color that I associate with you .
four . i'll tell you something I like about you .
five . i'll tell you my memory of us .
six . i'll tell you what animal you remind me of .
seven. i'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you .
eight . if I do this for you, you must post this on your own blog

Its amazing how everything changes
what once was my life is completly different
i dont know who i am anymore
where i belong
everything is different
im different
where do i fit now?
i dont know anymore
can life ever be the same
i stay up late and just think
all the memories
some good some bad
yet they make me who i am
but now im making new memories
yes its hard
its hard to turn away from everything
everything i have ever known
and just start over
i dont know how
but i know i will
that i am

people never understood me
never saw the pain deep down
sometimes i think im getting better
that its all changing
but things get me down
always have

where is my place in the world
i dont know
where do i belong
i dont know
i once had many friends
but now it seems the number is smaller
who are your friends
i dont know anymore
friends i've had for years just arent there anymore

why does everything have to change
i know it will
but why does it always have to be this hard
one day i know its goin to be better
its already gettin better
but when will it truly be better

i dont know i dont know a lot of things
at this point in my life
but i have hope
hope in a better life
because thats what i deserve
i just have to believe it

Tears of the Saints - By Leeland

There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People’s hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures

This is an emergency!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In its state of desperation
For Your glory

This is an emergency!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children, in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children, in Christ you stand!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

will miss you all.... goin away for the weekend , to the small village of dewberry wherever that is....... all i can say is it better be fun !!!! lol

text me if u want lol

im back!!!! and my cell is working again so text me!!!!

so im leaving for camp on tuesday and will miss you all


i plan on goin to k-days on the 26th if any of you guys want to come with me

kk talk to you all later and will miss you

GOT MY LEARNERS FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



IM SO HAPPY!!!!