I feel like I am acting like a brat. I've spent my whole life usually getting what I want like a spoiled pig that i am. Then I found this ,for lack of a better word, "Action Figure" just stumbled across it. Admired it. Confessed to it. Stayed up into thew wee hours of the morning just listening to it.
Night and Day all i could think about was this "Action Figure". It was the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. I am a realist. I see the reality of what is happening because Ive been draining poison into my body since day 1. Romance. Love. Sunshine and Lollipops. It was everything a young girl would fantasize about. I kept feeding this need with books, tv, and movie believing in it so much.
Everything was ever so excellent, after all the trauma, drama, and overall shit that is my life finally started to look up in the brightside. But this "Action Figure" got away from me. Sure I may have sulked away a day or two but I do what I always do. "Keep On Truckin"
Although as previously stated in my article "spoiled brat" this was something i cant buy back, or take back, or earn back. I kept on truckin just waiting for another "Action Figure" and what I found myself coming across was "High-Tech Pets".
I am a wits end because without this "Action Figure" my natural faux-manly instincts said buck up chuck and move along. But Day & Night I know I just need this thing. And my body was sub-consiously making me emotionally distraught because seeing all these people with this "Action Figure" angers me too new levels. I feel as if someone is trying to steal my happiness. I've done many wrong things for well over a year now but now it seems as if i'm trying to die.
I am tired of people walking all over me, I feel as if I am soul-less nothing makes me happy anymore. I dont ask for anything. I dont need anything. Everthing I've been through this summer has been a true test of my character and I'm not the man I thought I was. Every mans fantasy is to be a Hero, every mans nightmare is to be the villain. I find myself now wanting to be neither. I spent my life saying I wouldn't cut myself or be "emo". I spent my life saying I would never try drugs. I spent my life saying I was gonna have a "Happily Ever After". All these things I've done. I'm on the verge of a breakdown, losing my job, I have lost my grip on reality while at the same time losing grip on fantasy. The stage of my life that I currently find myself in is the "After Happily Ever After".

Honestly this "Action Figure" is bullshit. Its not the toy I am pounding my face into the floor for, its what it represents. Its where I thought I was gonna be. It represents friendship, honesty, loyalty, and respect. Things I have pretty much lost.[/size]
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I Be soooo bored someone Text Me?

780-340-8629

I am finding it very difficult to trust people again. I'm tired of venting to people and then they go and tell everyone. I'm tired of rumors. I'm tired of people saying other people are beakin. I am fuckin fed up with sneaky two faced weasels who go behind your back. I'm tired of people leading me on. I'm tired of the lack of security I presently have with my emotions. Trust. I lack it. Always Have. Always will. Trust. Trust. Trust.