today, i was sitting in my room and i started to cry. I tend to do that when i start thinking to much. But i think after a good hour of just letting it all out, i realized something. No matter how hard i try, or anyone tries for that matter, everyone we love will leave in the end. I know theres that bullshit saying, "if you love something let it go" but i mean who are we kidding? If you love something why the fuck would you want to let it go?

We all fuck up, we all make mistakes, but forgiveness is not a natural thing. It is much easier to hold bitterness towards someone then to forgive them. It gives you strength, power over some one else. No matter what someone does or how many times they apologize, some people refuse to let things go. But i guess thats just how things have to be. I mean how would we ever survive without bullshit happening to us everyday?

I actually heard all of this in church last sunday. I don't go to church very often, but when i do, i listen. God works in mysterious ways, and i'm getting to a point where his mysterious ways just arn't in my favour. I've tried to think of everything that explain why i have to feel like this, because i really don't want to. I hate it. This longing feeling for someone can tear you apart..or make you wanna tear them apart. So i came up with this as my reason: God loves us all, yes, but for me, i'm only alloud to be happy for so long and then thats it. It's like i get a certain amount of happy each year and once ive used it up everything gets shot to hell. And when i really think about it, that explains everything.

So instead of holding grudges and not forgiveing, i'm gonng believe this. Then no one is to blame, it's just the way things are. Sure, i feel like absolute shit right now, but soon i'll get some more happy, and everything will okay again. But until then, theres probably gonna be a lot of tears, a lot of anger and a lot of liqour.

I'm not a girl who misses much, but this i miss.

the day i met you i never thought this is where i would be 3 and a half years later
i loved you like ive never loved anyone before
it was the hardest thing having you not there but it didnt matter cuz you were worth it and you were the one thing in my life that i could always count on
but now i cant believe the things ive had to put up with and go through all because of you
the person i thought i would spend my life with has ripped my heart into pieces and acts like its no big deal
i moved out here for you..for a new begining away from all the shit i delt with at home and i thought me and you could start over, forget about all of our mistakes in the past...i was willing to forgive you for everything
but now its like you could care less..like im the last person you want to be around and honestly i dont get it
and i know for a fact as soon as i move back home you'll come crawling back
but i cant deal with this anymore..im absolutly going through hell here and all i want to do is see you and talk to you and everytime i try your to busy its like we had a better relationship when we were 600 miles apart well thats it im done i cant take this anymore you frustrate me so fucking much and all you fucking care about is yourself
well guess what youve just missed out on the best dam thing because from this moment on your out of my life im getting rid of everything that ever had anything to do with us and the second im finished school im leaving and never coming back and that will be it youll never see me, never talk to me, and youll have no one to blame but yourself
ive called you day after day wanting to see you and ive heard every exscuse from you their fucking is and im fucking sick of it
have fun in your shitty town going no where in your life and doing nothing except blowing all your money on weed
i can do so much better than you i dont know why i ever thought this would work out clearly we arnt meant for each other after all cuz if you really gave a shit i would see you more than fuckin once a month.

its 11:11 right now and my wish is that i never have to think about you again

1) Who was the last person you gave up on?
my ex

2) Have you talked to a complete asshole today?
not today

3) Are you comfortable answering all these personal questions?
yeahh sure

4) Do you think relationships are even worth it?
right now i'd have to say no

5) If you could pack up and move, would you?
i already have

6) Do your parents really know you?
not even a little bit

7) When was the last time you laughed really hard?
today watching the roomies play mario party

8) What are you wearing right now?
jeans, sweater

9) What are you excited for?
next weekend! im going home!!

10) Has anyone told you lately that they would always be there for you?
nope

11) What do you want right now?
to see all my friends from richcity

12) Are your parents divorced?
not technically but pretty close

13) What were you doing 8 am this morning?
sitting in the most boring class there ever was

14) Do you fall for people easily?
yes, to easily, thats why i constantly find myself being let down

15) would you ever get a tattoo?
umm yeah i think so

16) Who was the last person to text you? What did they say?
bean: "yeah r u"

17) What's your mood?
lonely, tired

19) Did you enjoy your weekend?
it hasnt happened yet

20) Do you regret doing something today?
yes..getting my bangs cut FUCK there way to short

21) Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
i hope not

22) Last person you told a secret to?
hmmm, taylor maybe i dont remember

23) What's irritating you right now?
my cold

24) Would you ever forgive someone if they cheated on you?
im have to ask myself that everyday unfortunatly

25)Twice..
be cheated on twice would probably be enough to kill me so id have to say no

26)Are you stubborn?
umm sometimes

27) Are you hungry?
not right now

28) Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
yeahh but i dont wanna wish that anymore

29) Are you gonna be home alone tonight?
im never home alone here

30) What's the last compliment you received today?
the person who fucked up my bangs said she liked the colour of my hair

31) What is one thing you wish you had?
my car

35) Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
of course

37) Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris?
paris cuz asian countries scare me

40) Are you listening to music right now?
yep

41) Who else is in the room with you?
no one for once

42) In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
both

43) Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
hmm sometimes i do sometimes i dont

44) How long can you go without your mobile phone?
i went a week a couple years ago but now prolly like an hour lol

45) What are you doing tomorrow?
doing hw/partying

46) Ever kissed someone else's boyfriend?
hmm i dont think so

47) Where did you last sleep other than your house?
umm well i havent slept in my house for a month
i sleep in my dorm room now

48) What's the worst way to say I love you
to say it and not mean it

49) Who was the last person in your room besides family?
my roomate?

50) What is one place you would love to visit ?
italy <3

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I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you,
& I NEED YOU LIKE A HEART NEEDS A BEAT BUT THAT'S NOTHING NEW
I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
& you say 'sorry' like the angel
HEAVEN LET ME THINK WAS YOU; But i'm afraid,
It's too late to apologize, it's too late

r r r r r r r r r r r r


LIKE LIPSTICK TRACES ON PILLOWCASES,
some things in life are unforgettable.
LIKE LOVE, LOSS, LIES AND US,
some things in life are undeniable.[/center]