I am back to dear old Nexopia, and wish it well.
Thinking about life and death, reall what could I do that is better then that right now?
Mood: sad
Music: So right by Kim
The joys of being sick, eh. You lay in your bed confined to your room with nothing to do but feel the symptoms of your illness. Sure I have taken my medication and I feel better for the most part, but soon it will wear off and the stomach problems and dizziness shall come back. My mother thinks I am faking it, but really what would I have to gain from missing three days of school, yeah sure I get to sleep in, but I am freaking about my marks so would I really want to stay home and miss lectures that might be important? It happens every time I am sick, she interrogates me for my symptoms and makes me feel like crap for inevitabilities of biological life.
I hope to be at school tomorrow, hell even if I am still sick I am going, I have missed too much to not go.
Yet another day here and there. How I long and wish for a little excitement that might knock me off guard and provide a little bit of stimuli in my daily routine, not that it could majorly use some of corse. But its nice to have things that do not go as planned, for if they did the world would be boring and dull, which would be the death of us all. Hell, I would take anything at this point. An explosion, a fight, or pop quiz. Anything will do, just so long as its something that provides the required stimulation that my body craves; no desirers! Oh but too much could be bad and overwhelm me, like some soap opera gon horribly right. I prefer something in the middle, just enough to entertain me but not annoy me to the point that I hate everyone and rather be in the solitude of my own company, then be around my friends and family... here is hopping things pick up soon.
Mood: Bored
Music: Metric
Well today I sort of have mixed feeling about where my life will be going, I thought a man loved me then turned around and told me so many mean things and in the end wanted to remain freinds. ofcourse I said fuck you and blocked him and removed everything from sight that was of his, all the while thinking that I am ok and in no need of support. I hang out with freinds and we play pool, while I am texting some other freinds and having a good time, with no time to think about him at all. But once alone I feel like I miss him and want him, I am angry at myself for feeling this for I had every reasion to do what I did, to feel how I feel... But I can't help to change the feelings that as humans, are tought to us by our parrents and people around us. If I was growing up in a different culture that taught people to be logical, whould there be such a thing as painfull break ups, or would we simple shrug it off with cold logic. "Oh he's hates me and wants out, there is no reasion to feel sad cause you can't change how people feel." He still has my cell number, but I no longer have his, so we shall see if he feels like shit and can comes texting me... We have been talking for two years and were planning to move in together, but he turned around and did this... I just feel like I am missing a part of me.
(fuck spelling errors.)
Mood: sad
Music: none
Yet another amazing day for me in my hick town... I fell asleep in math class for like no reason other then I could; and to make matters even more fun, I work tonight again... woot. Don't get me wrong, I like sev cause all of my freinds work with me, and if it was not for them I would quit and go work at some book store....Lordy.
Music: None
Mood: I don't what I am feeling.
Nothing can be better on a Monday morning, then waking up late then rushing to get ready for school, only to get there and find that there was in fact no school on this day. I am kinda mad but the rest of me is just sleepy, but I no longer feel the mighty need to lay naked undo soft blankets. I wish there could have been an announcement on Friday; but no, they expect me to read a news letter every months and looking at the calendar they have sitting at the back, like its that easy. xD... I work today cause a fuck tard a work was fired for being lazy, like how hard is it to listen to your music, text on your phone before you wipe a fucken counter down with hot soapy water? I am guessing very hard being that he got fired.
Oh well I guess.
Mood: I don't know
Music: Panzer Ag - machinegun gogo
I can't help but feel like I want more out of life then what I have already. Is it wrong to want and want and want? I don not have that answere, for if I did I would dare not have asked the question. But is life really all about the wants? Oh I want to have a boyfriend, or those boots. I can live with out them so I tend to think life has a greater meaning then that of any one understanding.
Mood: Mr. clean
Music: Depeche Mode
