You accept darkness, yet choose to live in the light. So why is it that you loathe us who teeter on the edge of nothing? We who were turned away by both light and dark - never given a choice?
Rules of Manhood
1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- When she is using her teeth.
2.)Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
3.)Unless he murdered someone in your family, or tried fucking your girlfriend. you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4.)Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
5.)No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.
6.)On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
7.)When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
8.)It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
9.)Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.
10.)Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
11.)Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
12.)If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
13.)Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
14.)A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
15.)Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
16.)If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
17.)Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
18.)Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:
- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!
19.)Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
20.)Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
21.)The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have crazy drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
22.)There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
23.)When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
24.)The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
25.)When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
26.)If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good a$$-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.
27.)If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
28.)Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
29.)When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
30.)Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "F*** OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility
30 things Guys Want Girls To Know!!
-1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are.
-2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.
-3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
-4. Don't argue with us when we call you are hot, beautiful or sexxc.cause if we say ur hott beautiful
or sexxc then u are
-5. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
-6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're going out with you.
-7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
-8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and
nothing more.
-9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns
looked cool.
-10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
-11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong............
-12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.
-13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
-14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
-15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee.
-16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."
-17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
-18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
-19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.
-20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's just mean.
-21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
-22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway.
-23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship.
-24. PMS is not an excuse.
-25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.
-26............ Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.
-27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach..... and maybe....oh nevermind
-28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your friends, but to us it's just wrong.
-29. We always notice how funny it is after your rip out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to be friends.
-30. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway
I AM GODZILLA, YOU ARE JAPAN!
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR
