*Eva*Noelle* - 26, Female, Sherwood Park
*Eva*Noelle*'s Blog2 Hits
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Marriage, or rather, lack of.

Recently I feel as if I don't know where my life is going anymore.

I had a plan for my life. Hopes. Dreams. Goals. I was to be married this-coming July, and honestly I was incredibly in love and incredibly excited. I was planning my wedding and living with the love of my life, and everything was going great until I abruptly had my heart broken by the one person I thought would never hurt me.

The past half a year has been really difficult. It's taken a lot of time and inner strength to heal myself. But I think I've done a pretty good job. I made the cautious desicion to give the guy another shot with me. And things have been really great.

But recently I've began to realize that I have no idea where this is going. Though we talk about marriage, I feel like, after 4 years (and one engagement already), if we really wants to marry me, he would be by now. I feel that I have taken a huge step backward in my life. A year ago I was living with my fiance and planning my wedding, and today I am living at myh parents' house and 'dating' the same guy. I've very recently found out that he doesn't have any near future plans of marrying me, which upsets the hell out of me.

Is it wrong that I just want to get married to the guy I know I will love forever? Is it wrong that I want to be married to him and have dogs and kids and all that jazz?

So many of my friends are now gettting engaged and/or married. I am so happy for them but at the same time I am so extremely envious that they are with a man that loves them unconditionally. Why don't I deserve that? Why did I get proposed to by someone who later simply 'took it back'? Why did I get deserted by my fiance, while all these other girls are with men who would never leave them? Why did I deserve to have my heart jerked around like that? It's hard not to be bitter when I think about the pain that I've gone through.

I'm starting to wonder if he'll ever be ready.
I can't wait forever...

 

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Just want you to know...


Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night

Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
No I can't fake it, there's no one else

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know
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Can't sleep
When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
waking up is the hardest part..
You roll out of bed, and down on your knees...
and for a moment you can hardly breathe.



My dreams are infected with words that you used to say
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Hurtin Loser: [Fallen-Angel]
Okay, so we all know I have a history of getting my revenge on hurtin losers on nex by making blogs about them. Here's the latest:



I know, hey? Already we can tell this kid's a dumbass.

So anyways this little 15 year-old writes his username on the bus...the same transit bus that I have to ride every day to and from school, so I have to sit and look at it. So I am curious and go to his page, and send him a message, completely in jokes:

To
From:*Eva*Noelle*
Date:Fri Nov 16, 2007 7:15 pm
Subject: No Subject
u wrote your nex username on a bus...vandaliser

And here are the rest of the messages:

To:*Eva*Noelle*
From:[Fallen-Angel]
Date:Fri Nov 16, 2007 11:18 pm
Subject: No Subject
you actually went to my page-gullable

To:[Fallen-Angel]
From:*Eva*Noelle*
Date:Sat Nov 17, 2007 9:51 am
Subject: No Subject
Yeah I think you need to learn the meaning of the word gullable... it means you tricked me into thinking something's true when it's not; like if you said "Look at at that!" and I looked but there was nothing there. That's gullable. Or if you say the word gullable isn't in the dictionnary, so I go look it up and of course it is, so you tricked me.You didn't trick me. Because you really do have a page. What would be tricking me would be if you wrote a fake username so I searched it and it didn't exist - THAT would make me gullable.

To:*Eva*Noelle*
From:[Fallen-Angel]
Date:Sat Nov 17, 2007 10:15 am
Subject: Re (2):No Subject
ok then ur just stupid for going to my page


.... I'm the stupid one?
Get some fucking manners instead of calling strangers names.
(I now have reason to).
/ignored
 

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Hurtin Loser : Dark Romeo
To: *Eva*Noelle*
From: DarkRomeo
Tue Sep 11, 2007 9:15 pm
No Subject
hey no offense but i thought only kids did that tits for hits pics? lol

To: DarkRomeo
From: *Eva*Noelle*
Tue Sep 11, 2007 10:40 pm
Re: No Subject
Um....as you can SEE by my page, I DON'T ACTUALLY have a tits for hits picture...I wrote that on my tag line to get more hits. And I guess it works - you looked lol.

To: *Eva*Noelle*
From: DarkRomeo
Wed Sep 12, 2007 9:33 pm
Re (2): No Subject
well no i wasnt interested in your tits or giving you hits i just thought lil kids did that so i thought id ask lol

To: DarkRomeo
From: *Eva*Noelle*
Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:08 am
Re (3): No Subject
Well no I don't think 'lil kids' do that - they don't HAVE tits OR nexus. But if you mean teenage girls then yes I suppose they do.Though I am starting to get confused as to why you 'thought you should ask' why I have a 'tits for hits' picture when I don't actually have one! Kind of retarded.

To: *Eva*Noelle*
From: DarkRomeo
Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:29 pm
Re (4): No Subject
ugh nevamind you missed the whole point

To: DarkRomeo
From: *Eva*Noelle*
Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:06 pm
Re (5): No Subject
Oh really I missed the whole point? Well this is the first message you sent me:"hey no offense but i thought only kids did that tits for hits pics? lol"If by missing the point, you mean that you were trying to make fun of me in some way (because I really don't see why else you would send this message), then no, I actually DID get it. Unless there is some hidden 'point' Im supposed to get. But as I aleady explained, that message was retarded as I don't HAVE a tits for hits picture - so there was no point making that comment.

To: *Eva*Noelle*
From: DarkRomeo
Fri Sep 14, 2007 1:23 am
Re (6): No Subject
the point was i was mocking you because you do the same thing as every other lil teenie bopper here and yet you're older. I think its thime to grow outta da 17 year old stage thats y, i didnt care if you did but you copying kids under 18 was actually just rediculous, and if you dont get it now, then whatever lol peace

To: DarkRomeo
From: *Eva*Noelle*
Fri Sep 14, 2007 11:02 am
Re (7): No Subject
Wow. Are you serious? I mean, really?
Because as the messages go on, you're just making yourself look more and more childish.
You say you you were 'mocking me because I'm doing the same thing as every other lil teenie bopper here' and 'it's time to grow outta da 17 year old stage'
Well....
1. Learn to spell. I suppose 'outta da' means 'out of the', and 'lil' means little. Also you spell ridiculous wrong. And that's just from the last message you sent me. I'm not even going to start on your page. But my god...you're supposed to be 25? By your writing I'd guess ten years younger.

2. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but I DON'T ACTUALLY have a tits for hits picture. Therefore your comment about me being like all the other girls who have one is false. (I'm starting to sense you're not too bright ).

3. But if you are going to ostrocize me for just saying I MIGHT have one of those pictures, isn't that stooping to even lower than me? Here I was minding my own business until you messaged me. It's ridiculously funny that you're trying to tell me how immature I am, when obviously you need to grow up and stop judging people you don't know. To say to a complete stranger, who they've neer had any encounter with, that they are like every other girl and need to grow up....

Again, I can't believe you're 25. You act half your age. I hope you realize you need to do a lot of growing up.
 

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Today's a good day.
I hope you know





I love you always.
[/b]
 

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...
I feel inadequate. like I'm always doing something wrong...




Why, lately, do I feel like such a burden to you?
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I don't think it's fair.
 

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...

















 

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Sweet
I have Plus again! Thank you NeLLeN
 

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364 Days :)
Okay so it's officially less than a year until my wedding day!
I'm getting so excited! I can't wait to be married to my Neil!
 

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Wedding Update
So it's been a while since I've been very active on Nexopia... seems that Facebook is taking over !!!

But a lot of people have been asking me lately how my "wedding planning" is coming along. So here's an update for everyone!

The first step for Neil and I was calling up the priest at the church we are planning to get married at (St. Michael's in Leduc), and booking the date and time for the ceremony. It will be on Saturday the 5th of July, 2008, at 1pm!

At this time, the priest told us that before we can come to meet with him, we are to take a "marriage preperation course". So we registered in that. We're not sure what to expect of this course/what it consists of, but we are taking this course throughout June...it will be 3 Tuesday evenings in a row, followed by an entire weekend (Friday evening, Saturday, Sunday). I don't think Neil's too excited about it....but I secretly am.

We've also recently put down a deposit for our wedding reception at Franklin's Inn hotel in Sherwood Park. The rooms are beautiful, the dance floor is nice, and I've heard great things about the food.

So that's everything that's been done thus far! Also we do have a rough copy of the guestlist made up. But we haven't chosen our menu for the reception yet, nor have we given much thought yet about decorations. flowers, invitations, etc. One thing I really want to start on is looking for a dress!!!
 

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No!!!
Bye-bye Plus
 

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Sugar Free . . . words from Hedley
If I never knew you,
I'd never love you...

If I never loved you,
then I wouldn't cry.

If I never hold you
then I'll never know you,

If loving meant living
then I wouldn't die


I effing love that song...
 

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* Florida *
P.S.

I am going to Orlando, Florida tomorrow with Neil!

Our plane leaves around 1:30pm tomorrow afternoon. We stop over in Toronto and we'll arrive late tomorrow night in Orlando, meeting up with Neil's parents, little sister, uncle, and cousin and her baby.

I'm SO EXCITED!!!!! We've barely started packing so I think we'll be up late doing that lol! I can't wait to get away from this frickin cold weather and go to Disneyworld!

I'll be home late on the night of February 16th. :)
 

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Current affairs in the life of Eva
Soooo yesterday was Valentine's day . It was great
Neil and I already exchanged gifts a couple days ago, and he gave me a bottle of perfume - "Addict" by Dior - smells sooooo nice But yesterday he also came home from school with a huge teddy bear for me!!! Then we ordered take-out from Boston Pizza and had a candlelit dinner at home. It was cute hehe.

Well earlier this week my WALLET GOT STOLEN!! on Monday night while I was working at my waitressing job at the Ramada. My life was in there: my bank card, my ID card, my SIN card, some cash, shoppers optimum card with like 50 000 points that I've saved over the last few years, some important phone numbers, a pic of Neil and I, etc. I realized it was gone from my backpack about an hour after I got home from work. Almost midnight, Neil drove me back to search the restaurant.Then we checked at the front desk. Then we drove around the perimeter of the hotel and I sat in Neil's car, crying, while he went out in the -30 cold with his flashlight and gardening gloves and went through all the trash cans looking for it (now that's love). But we didn't find anything....
I'm going to Florida. TOMORROW!!! . . . ASK ME how pissed I was.
So today I got a new bank card and filed a police report for my stolen wallet at he police station. Things are getting better.