There's so much I want to say, yet I don't know how to say it..
I've been back and forth this past two years for school, and because of it, it's been hard to find someone to be with. I'm at that point in my life where, I don't want to settle down quite yet, but I'm ready to find somone to spend time with. I'm so tired of always being the one to make the first move, or having a crush on some guy only to find out that he's used me or doesn't like me back. There's so many people around me that are happy, or seem happy, in relationships and I've realized I want that too. I know I won't find someone until I become happy with myself, but I'm not sure how to do that anymore. Somewhere along the way in these past two years I have lost myself and I'm not sure how to get me back.
I guess I'm feeling soul sick because I see the guy(s) I like dancing at a club with someone else, or ignoring me and it hurts... A lot.. I know there's guys out there that like me, but I can't force myself to like them. I can't force myself to settle for some guy that I know I won't be happy with. It's like my life has come full circle. I felt this way in junior high, then high school came around and it was like I had so many guys I was never single. It was like that during college too, but now that I'm at university, I don't know what has changed. Is it me? Or the environment that I'm in?
When I really dig deep, I realize this has nothing to do with men, and everything to do with myself. Where did my confidence go? My will power? My strength? My sense of who I am? My friends say that I portray self confidence, but subconsciously I know men pick up on the fact that I'm actually not. I'm not sure what to do anymore. How do I get me back?