I got it figured out... They say when you fall in love its the most amazing feeling in the world.... only problem
all you do is fall
So I was going thru some old pictures...
and my conclusion has come to...
Hot DAMN!
Why cant I just leave already. Im so sick of this. I just want to go and leave NOW! I want to get out of this town out of this area. i HAVE to I have nothing left here anymore. I just need to get out and go. I cant take it. Whats the point. He wants me but he wants her too. He cant make up his mind, and I am always wrong ANYWAYS, he wants me but he makes it seem like shes better. IM DONE! Im being hurt everytday. I can't keep this up. I need to leave before I do something dumb. Biut I cant. I cant.. I want to but I cant. 2008/2009 BE DONE ALREADY!!!!!!! And U of L Fucking Accept me PLEASE! But then again according to 2 people I'm not gona make it ANYWAYS! FUCK ALL YOU GUYS! I cant do this! IM DONE!
Well, here I go..
You? Or Him?
You: You make me feel special like I belong somewhere. You trust me with everything, and I dont know what to say. You say you love me, But you show it too; your not shy in front of friends to prove that your love is true. Yes we fight, but not that much, usually you had a bad day or I did; but in the end were great! We've been through alot and i really think your special. I dont know what to do, but I something always pulls thru.
Him: We seem to be fighting alot more... and more. It doesnt seem like Im wanted, at all. He makes it seem like I'm such a bad thing. Like another chore, or peice of the wall. I can't trust him any more then he trusts me. So what build this all over again, still on little trust. Doesn't work. we'll fight. Always do. I love him But I dont know what to do... Be put through this again... or just let it go....
The desision should be quite clear but in my mind its real foggy. I know what the answer should be but I try and end up with the second one, just to get hurt in the end... and for what?
I dont think it's worth the heart break anymore.
xo. Shae
1. Your absolutly amazing and your pretty rad my dear! (S)
2. Quit fucking assuming shit. Dont start shit you cant finish. (R)
3. I really do like you and I really hope it works out. ♥ (N)
4. Fuck you and your stupid multipersonalities! (S)
5. I miss you. I swear your still here! (C)
6. Back off cuz your not making things easier! (K)
7. QUIT TOUCHING ME! (S)
8. Second chances are easier said then done. So dont fuck it up missy! (K)
9. Wow your a pretty complusive liar. Stupid attention whore. (A)
10. Your really immature and kinda stupid. I wish for you to be out of my life. (A)
11. I can honestly say your the best cuddler in the universe! (N)
I Know it might never be...
Why keep trying..
Righttttttt...
CUZ I LIKE HIM!
Pshh..
Like Idiot box will let us.
Fucking fuck of a fucks ville.
Ugh.. Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn..
Well on another note...
Im over idiot box... knock on wood.
Aint never going back.. The second I do.. Well..
It wont be good for any one..
No more.
Starting today Im a new person..
I even apologized to an old friend that turned into a rival..
GO ME!
Im in like with him and idiot box and fuck himself with or without his approval I will be with him haha
Mark my words..
K so that sounded really stalkerish..
But you know what i meen right?
Aughh..
Ya.. Fuck you heart.
If only I could talk to you.
Just to make things right.
I really wanna be with you.
Im tired of the fights.
I really am i like with you.
And I know you feel the same.
I wish for us to be together..
Cuz I think Im going insane.
She said he said it all a bunch of crap.
Deep in our hearts we know what is the best.
We fight and hope and struggle.
Lets clean up this mess.
Kick him out of ours lives.
Im sick of this bull shit.
I really wanna be with you.
I feel as tho were in a mitt..
So soft and warm but cold.
Knowing we cant be together.
Kills me and makes me bitter.
I wish for us even if not forever.
I dont expect much.
I just wish to try.
I really do like you..
Afterall your such a sweet guy.
This kills me the fact that im rhyming..
When In reality I have no rythmn.
This verce isnt going to rhymn.
In fact it'll sound pretty stupid.
My upmost fact is that i am In like with you.
I love how you cuddle.
And play with my hair.
And the way you sing with me.
The way you can be such an idiot.
But at the same time so sweet.
I wish he wouldnt be in between.
I wish we could try anyway.
But I know it muight not happen.
But at least i am trying.
This poem really sucks..
It was good at the start..
I wish i could rewind..
Or make it sound more...
Smart.
Im strugling for words that rhyme
Even tho they dont have to.
Well heres my Input...
Could I hear back from you?
To you,
From me.
If only you knew what it is like to walk around wearing my shoes for a day.
Hearing you say you wanna do this you wanna do that.
But when i say something that I feel is important you blow me off.
i really wish you coud hear me out when i talk to you.
I wish you could walk in my shoes for justa day and see how it feels.
Cuz boyy Id love to be in yours all carefree and such.
Sure you Loved and lost.
As have I.
But I aint coming back.
No more. Not again.
I wanna be happy with someone else.
And Im glad you can date who ever and expect me not to get mad..
But when I try you freak shit.
At least Im SUPPORTIVE of your desisions.
I dont guilt trip you because of something you wanna do.
I SUPPORT you.
Cant you do the same..
Just once?
Just this once.
All i want is to be happy.
Move on.
Get it over with already.
Im sick of the mind games.
And the emotional abuse.
Your ruining me.
And if you love me as mch as you say then what would you rather...?
Me being with you and hurting al the time..
Or me with someone I really like and care about and you supposrting me?
Oh wait its you. You'd much rather me hurt.
Because thats all it seems like.
All you do is break me down.
Well Fuck this Fuck That Fuck you.
NO FUCKING MORE.
I CANT HANDLE IT.
Quit it..
Please...
Please...
Just...
Stop.
Let me live my life.
Let me have freedom.
Let me talk when I need to.
Let me live my life the way I want to.
Why ruin so many years of friendship with a guy
Over a girl?
That doesnt make sence...
Cant you be happy for us..
Cant you let me TRY and be happy with someone.
At least when I need him he's there.
You on the other hand is there until something better pops up.
Im done.
Im fucking done...
Im completly and totally done..
Fuck this fuck that fuck you Kyle Bakaluk.
♥ Nicolas Baraniuk + Shabreena Oslie = 09.15.08 ♥
What A FUCKING Slap In The Face...
Fuck You.
You say you want me you need me...
YOU STILL FUCKING IGNORE ME!
Get It Thru Your Head boy. Cuz This IS Your Last Chance.
With the help of family and friends.
I will make sure This IS Your Last chance.
Get A Grip Boy.
Alright,
Well... Hello there...
No this is not me bitching...
This is me just talking..
Well Kyle, I must say. We've had some great times.. and Some bad ones. But The past is in the past. So here I am One last time.. Just talking. I thank you for the memories we have shared they wont ever be forgotten. After all, you were my first.. My first TECHNICAL virginity stealer. And my first love. The day you gave me the ring was the day I saw everything changing for the good, To my surprise it all went to hell. You never will know how much I really truely loved you, but its all over now. Nothing can be said to get that moment back to get what we had back. In reality we can keep trying and trying and failing and failing because we just dont have the trust. You cant trust me I cant trust you. Im honest to you... but im not sure if your totally honest with me. I risked the fact knowing that one little thing I did wrong could have broken us up but i knew that if I didnt tell you it could end up worse. So I told you. Absoloutly everything. Did you believe me? No, not always. But that was expected. I am here right now to tell you a few other facts.. I never cheated on you, never lied to you, never did anything intentional to hurt you in any way shape or form... I tried my damn hardest to keep us together to keep us... us. But I guess Nothing I did helped, worked or even ATTEMPTED to work. I havent figured out if it was me. If it was something I was doing wrong, if I wasnt trying hard enough.. or if you really didnt care. Now, do i truely beleive it was either? No. I belive I tried VERY hard and I believe you did care.. But Thats the thing is maybe if we switched roles and you took the time to try really really hard and hope to hell that I'd appreciate it then you'd know why I got so bitchy. I tried everything in my power to keep you from not getting mad. To get you to do such a simple thing as to acknowledge me.. just once in front of your friends.... Just once. I told you everything I spilt my heart out to you. And no matter what I tried doing we just couldnt last. Everything I did, i did it for you. And by everything.. I meen everything. Stupid huh? I just... Maybe thats why its so hard to get over you is because everything I do now or did or see or walk past or read or look or talk or touch all my habits all my everythings... I did for you. And I see them on a day-to-day basis. Maybe i was completely dumb founded... or maybe it truely was love. And Maybe with all my tryings I just pushed... instead of pulled. But you see now you have me all tangled up in my head and heart and mind and body beacuse I cant figure out what went wrong cuz you dont tell me. All you say is Hayley came into the picture. Ya, she did. But then why her? I meen one of us had to have done something in some shape so that we could get out.. Was it me? Was it you? Or was it truely her? Could it have been something else? I dont know. My guess is you freaked out cuz of the ring... and that you just looked for an easy way out, but there is no easy way out cuz alot of what you did I did too. Alot of what you did was because of me. So you see we must be in the same boat in some fucked up city town state or province trying to find something that probably wont ever be there again. Im sorry If i was being bitchy all the time like you say. Im sorry that I tried to move on but it ended up you hating everyone I date. Im sorry if you think they arent good enough fo rme or what ever else excuse thinger you got going on here. And im sorry I made you read this..
One last thing before I go.
Im crying. But its not because im sad. Its because I realized what I need to do to fix my life. And whether that involves you or not Im gunna have to do it.
So maybe we need to go seperate ways and maybe we need to be Just Friends. Cuz somehow this whole us being us... isnt working... No im not bitching... Im just talking...
Xoxo... Shabreena Hellynne Kendrah Oslie-Martin.
I'll Miss You Dearly.
