Well im just going to go for it…
How can I put this to you is the big question
______ there is something about you that has got me hooked, always thinking, always wanting you, wishing I was with you. You are like the pearl in the bottom of the sea, that you just want to have so much it hurts you to think of it. And then there is also the issue of not being able to have you.
Since we broke up as you know I have not found a girl like you. You can name them all, _____, _____, _____…they just were missing something and I could never figure it out. I would look so closely at their flaws that I would just give up talking to them or basically end it. We both know it, I was comparing them to you, which is wrong I know and I should have given them the chance, but id rather be single and happy then in a relationship with a girl that doesn’t have what I want.
I seriously can say I have never met a girl like you, and I know we are like in high school and this may sound childish but ______, you’re something I want. I would do anything to make you happy, anything to see that smile, anything just to be given the chance to be with you again. Every time I see you I get this feeling, something crawling up my spine but in a good way. When I talk to you I could talk for days like we did before and every time I see your number come up on my caller ID I just get the whole rush again from before.
I think that big thing is why I am telling you this is because I look at the relationship we had and how it ended, how it could have been avoided and who knows, how everything would be soo different now if it continued or lasted longer. I’m scared thinking about it because I don’t know what to expect what would have happened, there is no doubt it would have been good, I just am scared I missed out on something so amazing for the second time again, being you.
I mean it as you don’t change. You’re still that good girl I knew last year, as well as the year before. Haven’t drank, drug free and the list continues and I love that. You don’t realize how hard it is to find a girl like you, anywhere I go, I’ll be constantly looking but there is times when I just don’t bother. Even if I found that other girl I don’t think id be happy, my mind would still come back to you, always. When I went out with _____ that night to dinner, I thought of you; like the dinner, the sharing a dessert, walking alone the waterfront with the full moon. It basically spelt ______, being something I would have wanted to do with you if I had the time, and there is other stuff too... I have told you them before and I couldn’t take _____ on something like that, even as I told you, sure I would do the movies with her…but like dinner? Or her coming over to watch a movie. I couldn’t sit down with any of those girls and watch the notebook, well finish it ahah, we stopped watching it right at the part where they got caught in the house. I don’t even remember how I know some of those things. In past relationships I forget stuff about the girl as time passes, I guess you can say that’s because I didn’t care that much about them as I did you.
The worst part is I don’t know what to do at times…I see you and you tell me what’s going on with you and him, and I cringe because I see what he isn’t doing for you, the things he should be doing because your such a jewel, he really should treat you like a princess because that is what I saw you as, even send you a beautiful red rose to represent your beauty. I want to be able to say ‘______, will you give me another chance’ at times, but I just cant put you in that situation because I care to much to about you to do that too you.
Its safe to say I am jealous. The guy can see you everyday, be able to walk you to class, kiss you after school, and even hang out at night with you when I could only give you one night a week, no matter how much I tried. And when I got that one night I had to make it count, not by doing shit with you and always wanting you to do stuff, I wanted to make you happy enough for you to continue liking me because you were someone I would never want to hurt or lose…
...i don't want you to know where i am
cause then you'd see my heeart in the saddest state its ever been
Why does everybody lie?
You know, the bad guys lie to get in your bed,
and the good guys lie to get in your heart..
It's the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone at the same time;
and it's hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same.
When you want everything and nothing at the same time,
when you want to let go but you keep holding on.
When you want to move on but your stuck right where you started,
when feelings come and go and you cant decide what you want.
It's so hard when you want to see that one person everyday,
and when you do, you don't know what to say.
When deep down inside you know if you lose this chance again,
It's gone and it will never come back.
When you know they are right beside you, but yet you don’t know how to react.
When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away.
It's so hard to think back on how things used to be,
and look at now and realize that things are
different and they will never be the same.
You tell your self its not worth it, but if it really didn't matter,
You wouldnt spend so much time thinking about it..
In my lifetime, I've come to realize that you can't depend upon other people for what you want, and you can't be scared to go out there and get it. You have to dream hard, wish big, and chase after what you want, cause no one else is going to do it for you. And even if things don't work out, at least you'll always be able to say you tried.
