Lisa Brenton...A History.

It was a gruesome day on September 7th, 1989.
All the horses were out of whack that morning, on farms across the land...
Toddlers were throwing fits at the horror that only they knew was coming.
In a hospital chamber, somewhere off in the middle of God-knows-fucking-wheres-ville, a lump of a child was born. When "it" came out, the parents were confused.
After extensive testing and research, it was determined that said child was a girl.
The name of the child was quite an interesting one.
When the father first saw his daughter...
he cringed and squealed... "LIIII!"
and when her mother saw her she breathed a sigh of relief.'
"SAAAA!"
And from this, because no other names to describe this "child" could be thought of, she was named Lisa.
At the age of 5, barely being mobile (a bit late, isn't it?), and having no ability to talk, Lisa headed out into the ice and snow to live with the polar bears.
She spent much of her time with the great white beasts, attuning her own habits to be more like theirs. She shaved all the hair off her body, which took some time, due to the vast amounts, swam in the vast oceans, fleeing the predators, and yes, eating large amounts of fish.
At the age of 17, she realized that she should probably get herself some sort of education. So, she climbed out of the sea, and placed herself in a desk at Seymour Academy Elementary School/Prison.
Through a few of her friends, she met this astounding man, Josh.
He zinged her with his witty comments, and scorched her with his burns, to the point where you could almost see the burn marks on her backside.
She fears him for his greatness, and despises him for his greek God - like looks, but deep down. She's burningly jealous.
Through her jealousy, she takes it out by drinking excessive amounts of alcoholic beverages.
And plus, he's the only one that will tolerate her habit of munching on raw salmon.

The End!

Take that Lisa.