1.I have absolutely no idea where my
purse is.
2. I believe that dancing with my arms
over head and wiggling my butt while
yelling "WOO-HOO!" is truly the sexiest
dance move around.
3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick
someone's ass and honestly believe I could
do it too.
4. In my last trip to pee, I realize I now
look more like a homeless h0oker than the
goddess I was just four hours ago.
5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. submarine on the floor
(which I'm eating even though I'm not the
least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on
eating it.
6. I start crying and telling everyone I see
that I love them so much.
7. I get extremely excited and jump up and
down every time a new song plays
because "Oh my God! I love this song!"
8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the
geek sitting next to me.
9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my
5th grade teacher.
10. The urge to take off articles of
clothing, stand on a table and sing or
dance becomes strangely overwhelming.
11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay
open on their own so I keep them half
closed and think it looks exotically sexy.
12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become
really good at it.
13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think)
cheated me by giving me just lemonade,
but that's just because I can no longer
taste the gin.
14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels
strangely like the kitchen floor.
15. I start every conversation with a
booming, "DON'T take this the WRONG WAY
but..."
16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's
down when I sit on it.
17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor
(wherever I happen to be standing) and
take a quick nap.
19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my
button fly pants to cut down on the time
I'm in the bathroom away from my drink.
20. I take my shoes off because I believe
it's their fault that I'm having problems
walking straight
