wut do u do when u fall in luv with ur best friend? i was told that you tell her how u feel, not to miss an opertunity that u will forever regret. wut do u do when u love 2 people at once? my boyfriend said gurls arent cheating. wut do u do when u cant tell her how u really feel just ur boyfriend is jelous and u get butterflies everytime u try, or when she loves someone else and u dont wanna get in his teritory. wut if she said that shes loves u back and kisses u, says she'll call, but that was 24 hours ago and nothing, are women like men? they just say wut u wanna hear to make u feel better? nothing seems to go right, things just keep fucking up, i get mi hopes up and they are stomped on, weither its moving into mi own place, or getting a pair of fucking shoes, i give and i give and i dont know when im gonna get back, maybe never, maybe nothing will ever go right again, maybe im just gonna b stuck being that little girl in the window, shes knows wut she wants but she just cant reach behind the glass, shes soo close but never there. maybe ill always b stuck wanting, needing but never reciving, maybe i dont decerve it, maybe i never will, who knows

omg everyone!!!
like 3 more months, and fuck m i fat!!
but im so excited!!!

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now,
even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a
memory of you and I. It can be anything you want, either good
or bad. I promise not to come after you. When you're finished,
post this little paragraph on your blog and be suprised (or
mortified) about what people remember about you

mi chicks:
brandi--> to us that will always b crazy and random together and now that we are growing up, we are just gonna end up insain!!

jordyn--> my cuz that has always been there when im down just to digg me farther....to bring me up at the last moment!!

britt--> you always know wut to say to make me feel better, like you know wut i wanna hear.

tina--> still can't believe ur mi fucing aunty!! how kool is that? and just the fact that are amazing strippers that those boyz cant have (you know who u are) just makes it that much weirder!!

jeshka--> mi luv i can tell u anything knowing u will keep it a secret

tony--> idk wut to say other than, those crazy drunken night in the backseat of ur car!! (i was pretty comfy)

casey--> jesus chick, ur like a tall me!! but u have got to b the funniest chick ever!!

chantell--> you helped through alot but we have grown apart and i dont know y but i guess it happens to the best of us

bree--> mi wife!! skipping skool for lunch...who us? no way!! lol

ellie--> mi other wife!! u, ur just a techno freak, and i luv it!!!

alix--> mi last wife and supposed to b godmother!! im sorry!!
but i still luv u and u can b an aunty too if u want!!

sam--> omg i feel so far away from you right now but as soon as i come back ur mine....mwahahaha.....i luv u toots, and i dont care wut shay says ur still mi lesbian luver!!!

(if i missed u let me know this is really late and im not working properly ok?)


mi dicks:

shay--> baby you are mi everything!!!! i luv u so much and i can't believe that we are going through this at such a young age, but i know that we stay together we can do it!!

dylan--> late nights smokin it up in the basment suite and the best thing i can remember is that one night shay sezured out on the floor and we couldn't help but to laugh!!

sunny--> u are a sick fuck and i have no idea wut happened to you, u turned 19 and now have a g/f so i guess that knocks us out of the picture eh? football wont b the same.

davidson--> ur just to quiet!!! but i luv it!!

nathaniel--> ur a crazy son of a bitch but ur just fucking halarious, we need to go drinking with tristan again!!!

big wane--> ur just big!! but have a wicked sence of humour!!

little wane--> ur such a sweety, i think its time for a visit to the fas gas when i get home

t-bag--> omg, i luv ur pants!! and ur such a cutie, i have to visit u too!!

shaun--> ur such a sweety, u always make me smile, u and ur random comments!!

aaron--> i just dont know bout u, oh but i will figure it out someday!!

(once again its late so if i forgot u im so sorry, let me know k?)

gggrrrrrrr
and thats that!!

u know wuts funny??
i puked when i said ur name!!
bahaha bitch!

all i can do is wait
all i can do is hope
all i can do is wish
all i can do is cry
5 more days till you're here to hold me in your arms
to make me feel safe,
to luv me cuz no one else does.
when im with you i know that im not just a peice of ass or tits, im somebody to you and that means the world to me.
i just wish that there was something that i could do to make the time go by faster.
i miss you baby ur mi everything.
all i can do is just imagin your here
<3

i havent left the house since i got here only to work cuz im scared that ill screw up, all i have been doing is trying to help ppl out
and yet i get no respect, no calls to c if im ok, no one says thanx, nutthing and at home it isnt much better, no one says that i have grown up, that i show self dissapline, that i show responsibility no one says that they're proud of me i get up at 7 every mornign to wake mi sister up for school, i go to bed at 10 to make sure shes in bed and tucked in, im sick every morning and yet i still go to work and still no thank yous no im prouds....i needed to get that out

A is for age: 16

B is for beer of choice: as long as it doesnt tast like moose piss

C is for career: dollarama

D is for Dog's Name? tuffy, camper, jasper, sox, cacoosis, peppy, knucks (kinda), odie

E is for essential item you use everyday: soap

F is for favorite song at the moment? you know wut it is--T.I.

G is for favorite game: tackle football

H is for Home town: Edmonton/St.albert

I is for Instruments you play: None

J is for favorite juice: V8 strawberry, banana

K is for whose ass you'd like to kick: taylor knights

L is for last hug? mommy!!

M is for marriage: shay soon!!

N is for name of your siblings: bob, matt, jess

O is for overnight hospital stays: once

P is for phobias: feet, old ppl, being alone, spiders

Q is for quotation: boys r like slinkies, good for fuck all but fun to watch when u push them down the staris

R is for Biggest Regret: trusting just anybody

S is for status: blendered

T is for time you wake up: man i barley sleep

U is for underwear: boxers, floss

V is for vegetable you love: celery

W is weakness: i believe guys to easily

X is for x-rays you've had: none

Y is for yummy food u make: lazagna

Z is for fav zoo animal: burrowing owls !! lol dayna




01. Babe or Baby: Babe
02. Sweetie or Honey: Sweetie
03. Darling or Hun: Hun

PRESENT

01. Is your hair wet? nope
02. Is your phone right by you? nope
03. Do you miss someone? always
04. Are you wearing chapstick? yup
05. Are you tired? hellz yes
06. Are you excited? fuck yes
07. Are you watching TV? Nope
08. Are you wearing pajamas? nope

HAVE YOU

01. Recently done anything you regret? Yea
02. Ever lied? Yea
03. Ever stuck gum under a desk? haha yeah
05. Ever tripped over your own feet? Oh yeah mst definetly

TODAY

01. Have you sworn? uhhh fuck yah
02. Have you yelled at someone? yes
03. Have you gotten mad at someone? hell yes
04. Have you cried? Almost
05. Have you called more than 3 people? yeah
06. Have you IM'd more than 3 people? Yeah of course

Q: Is there a person(s) who is on your mind right now?
A: he always is

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: james

Q: Do you have any siblings?
A: of course

Q: Do you smile often?
A: more than often

Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
A: i hope so

Q: Do you wish on stars?
A: Yeah but they have never come true

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A: no i keep them tied up so i dont have to....im lazy that way

Q: Do you like your handwriting?
A: yeah

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: most of the time

Q: Whose bed did you last sleep in?
A: james
.
Q: Do you have any pets?
A: i used to

Q: What are the color of your bedsheets?
A: idk i dont live at home

Q: What were you doing at 3pm yesterday?
A: smoking weed

Q: Look to your right, what's there?
A: some random

Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?
A: Yupperz

Q: Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
A: i have cried to my friends shoulder

Q: Movie that makes you cry or really emotional?
A: the notebook

Q: Are you normally a happy person?
A: I've been told i am....and i usually am

Who were you with last night?
umm, me miself and i

What woke you up this morning?
shay

Where are you?
at home, in st.a

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
i hope so

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
nope

When was the last time you cried?
a few hours ago talkign to shay

-The PAST-

Ever thrown up in public?
yea

Passed out because of alcohol?
who hasnt

What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
shay

-The FUTURE -

Would you take a bullet for anyone?
of course

Where would you like to live?
back in the ghetto

What kind of home would you like?
a small one

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
with shay

- IN GENERAL -

Do you like candy necklaces?
fuck yes

When was the last time you fell over or ran into something?
umm today at work

Do you listen to music every day?
yup

Do you still go trick or treating?
lol, yea (shay, dylan, sunny, scaring little kids for candy...he ran!! lol)

What was the last thing you ate?
pizza

What did you do this weekend?
ummm, babysat, talkd to shay, adn hung wit mi bros

Whats your favorite type of SODA?
root beer

Have you ever won an award?
yup

What do you want to do right now?
b in shays arms

Are you listening to music right now?
nope

Do you like someone right now?
no, i luv him

Whats a quote that you love?
boys r like slinkies, they're good for fuck all but funny to watch when u push them down stairs

Are you a fast typer?
yea

About how many people have you liked?
too many

How long 'till your birthday?
a long time, 8-9 months, i think??

When were you the saddest in your whole life?
when i came home without shay

What time is it?
9:34pm

Do you use EBay to buy or sell?
fuck no

What makes you mad?
emma rock and taylor knight

What songs make you cry?
idk depends on mi mood

What songs make you happy?
anything 50 and T.I.

What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
music

Do you have a job?
yupperz at dollarama

If you were a crayon what color would you be?
bright neon green cuz its crazy and just out there, like me!!

What makes you happy?
friends, shay, mi soon to b baby

Something i want to happen in 2008:
to have mi baby healthy and happy

Summer 2007:
best summer i can remember!! thanx shay and family

Honestly, will you miss 2007?
a little, but im excited for 2008 more

k so yes, i have screwed up so bad! i got into drugs, ended up being an alcoholic, sluted around, and used everyone to get mi way, which i know was wrong so i went to rehab, unfourtunally i went with a dealer and i ended up back where i started after i left the center. after a year of on and off tourcher to miself i realized i needed a new start. i left home and went to saskatoon, unluckly living in the hood with shay, dylan and sunny, great friends, but i wouldnt say the best people to start a new life. in the hood i met some well respected people and became one of them, they were mi backup mi friends, they would do anything for me, even brake legs (watch out taylor knight, you whore lol) i lived in hell for almost 6 months learning everything bout the streets, living on them, meeting people dying in them, even dying a little miself. i became part of a well known dealer that fucked up and was just like me in every way (shays dad) being with shay he kept me alive and out of trouble, only problem was we were never really "out" of trouble. there were fights with gang members, drunken nights, high everynight, every hour, breaking in to liqour stores, stealing everything we could get our hands on. then there was sam and finally another chick, which ended up in us getting raped, just about knifed, stocked, and drug dealing all over again. we ended up living on a couch outside for 2 months living on "rat burger" (cheese burgs from fas gas), chips, and pepsi, and if we were lucky and maade enough from drugs the ocasional pizza. soon a really great friend of mine stood up and said this is mi uncle ur gonna live with him, unfourtuanatly he was bipolar and we soon got our asses kicked out of there, and was back to the couch. as winter rolled up cold and fast he let us back into the house, with letting us know not to get him into toruble cuz he can have us shot, he was a sanchez and it was his dad who founded the helz angels and rana death trap in his country. the weird this was that i was respected byu all of these people so i felt safe, and at home, adn i never worried, till i called home to come back cuz i had a problem. shay had gotten me pregnant and i knew i needed help. things got trougher as i came home, but the tough part is, im off drugs, alcohol, smokes, away from all mi friends, adn even mi boyfriend and the father of mi child. and yet the part that i look forward to is the returning of mi home in the hood of the west side of saskatoon, the return of all mi friends and mi back up, the return of knowing that no one will fuck with me or they get fucked up, and the return of being back in mi luvs arms. i know i fucked up, i went through hard times, and yet on mi own (with some help from friends) i got through it and with the help of mi family i still can so even though i fucked up i have changed, i lived mi life, and surprisingly there's still more, and honestly im excited cuz everything that happened made mi life worth living and it kept me alive through hard time just knowing that there were and still are people there for me and just wondering wuts gonna happen tomorrow, and yeah, im not gonna lie i need a little danger in mi life, or i jsut get bored. the above, thats who i was, in the future thats who i m, so deal with, you like it fuck off, if u wanna stay i guess u'll just have to keep up with me!!
much luv to all mi friends and everyone that helped me through mi mess and mi troubles, and if u ever need anything, ill b gald to back u guys back!!

yeah,i miss it

WITH 2007 COMING TO AN END. . .

1. Have you had any relationships this year? yeah
2. Have you had your birthday yet? Yup
3. Kissed two people in the same night? lol, yup
4. Been on a diet? yup
5. Pulled an all nighter? yeah, car shopping all night!!
6. Drank Starbucks? yup
7. Went camping? not this year
8. Bought something(s)? u could say that...
9. Met someone special/who changed your life? shay
10. Been out of the province? yeah for 6 months
11. What are you thinking about? how i miss shay
12. Hugged someone? yeah
13. Slept in someone else's bed? everyday for 6 months
14. Got a job? yeah...dollarama
15. Loaned out money? yeah
16. Gotten in a car accident ? just bout, dylan u sick fuck
17. Gone over your mobile phone bill? dont got one, but i went over someone elses!!!
19. Done something you regret? yeah and i wish i could fix it, but idk if they will give me the chance

Last person you hugged? shay mortenson
Last person to talk to you on the phone? shay
When was the last time you felt stupid? when mi mind stopped working, first time i met shay
What was the last thing you yelled?fuck with me again, and im gonna fucking kill u

TEN FACTS:
1. How many sibilings? 3
2. Natural Hair Colour? Brown
3. Initials? esb
4. Hair style? straight
5. Eye colour? Brown, but they change with mi attitude
6. Height? 5'6" 3/4
7. Pets? putsy the cat, tuffy, sox, odie, sasha (kinda), cacoosis, peppy, knucks (kinda)
8. Mood? blendered
9. Where would you rather be? saskatoon in shays arms, watching football at dylans
10. What was the last thing you drank? water

THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:
1. Have you ever been in love? i m right now
2. Do you believe in love? of course
3. Why did your LAST relationship fail? braydon, but that was mi bad
4. Have you ever been heartbroken? alot more than i should have
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart? i honestly dont know, guys dont tell me that
4. Have you ever fallen for your best friend? yup
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? yup, i wish that i did
8. Are you afraid of commitment? obviously not
9. Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships in your life? depends on your deff of serious
EMOTIONS:
1. Are you missing someone right now? so much it hurts
2. Are you happy? in a way but at the same time im not
3. Are you eating anything? no
4. Do you like someone right now? yeah, im in luv!!

CHRISTMAS
1. Get kissed under the mistletoe or in the snow?: mistletoe
2. Santa or Rudolph?: santa
3. Stocking or presents?: stocking
4. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?: egg nog
5. Angel or star?: angel
6. Decorating the tree, or putting lights on the outside? Tree.
7. Warm cozy fires or sleigh rides?: Fires
8. Family time or friend time?: family
9. Expensive presents or presents that come from the heart?: Ones that come from the heart.
10. Snow ball fight or snowman?: Snowman
11. Coal or present?: HAHA hmm that's a hard one.. Present!
12. Open presents quick or slow?: slow
13. Diamonds or rubies?: Diamonds.
14. Caroling or Christmas stories?: Stories, caroling is weird.
15. Snowy days or ice days?: Snowy, of course.
16. Red or Green?: red

1. Best Christmas present received?: the one im bout to get this year, shays comming down for the holidays, and im bout ot have a baby!!
2. Whats the number one thing you want for Christmas?: just to b with mi family every year, never know when someone can leave you
3. If you were going out with someone, what would you want them to get you?: i just want him to hold me by the fire
4. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?: yep!! it was very romantic
5. Age you stopped believing in Santa Clause?: idk
6. Do you send thank you notes to Santa?: no
7. Do you wake your parents up early to open presents?: yeah, i luv christmas