-Brandon Rankin aka Brandon Bean
A couple of days ago I thought that maybe I could be depressed, now it’s really got me thinking, it doesn’t seem to me that there is any wondering anymore, I have came to the conclusion that yes, I am depressed, and there is nothing that seems to be able to change that. Depressed isn’t one of the things I wanted to ever be again, when I say again it’s because sure I've been depressed before, but not like this, this time it’s different. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, it doesn’t change my mood, it just stays the same and I can tell it’s starting to put people down, but I honestly can’t help it. I didn’t choose for this to happen, it’s not my fault that it’s all hitting me like my ship just hit rock bottom, I tried to scoop out the water, but I couldn’t do it on my own, and honestly I don’t think I deserved any help to save me and its all my fault. It wasn’t just my boat that sank, I sank another person’s boat, and for that, is why mine is down there too. This person isn’t just any person to me, this boy is everything I imagined for, dreamt for, wished for, and he was perfect. And when I got it, I didn’t hold on tight enough and now he’s gone and I don’t think I’ll ever get him back. Days go by slowly and nights are long and throughout it not much closed eyes, just staring at the boring old ceiling thinking away about what I have done and how much I wish I could change it. Sunshine had finally broken through years of clouds and changed my life completely. Words defiantly can’t explain the way this boy made me feel inside, warm, loved, happy, excited, and so much more, he was my hero, my life savoir, and nothing can erase our memories. Yes I love him, and yes I know I always will at least a little bit, because you NEVER forget your first love, well so people say, and quite frankly I really don’t want to forget the love for him I hold inside. So when I see him, and he’s getting by just fine, and he’s happy and living is life to the fullest, I feel happy for him, because I know he’s doing better without me, and I know that its better for him without me around. I’m way more worried about him then I am myself because he’s a bigger and better person then me, and deserves so much better. As much as i know letting him go is gonna kill me inside,i know its somthing i have to do, not for me, but for his sake, because i don’t want to hurt him anymore, trust me it already has started to eat away at me, but eventually, things will get better, and i will move on and a new boy will come along, sure at first it may not feel right, but thats part of it, you need to work outside your comfort level to a certain extent and its normal for it to feel unsettle and make your body feel all floaty and uneven but eventually that passes and you move on from that and just be happy with what you have, and not focus on what it is that you, or in this case I have lost. I told myself the day we broke up that there is no taking me back this time, i knew it would kill me and put me down, and make me a complete mess, but i knew eventually it all would start to get better. Sure i felt like i needed to fight for what i love, but really, did i ever make it worth the fighting? Cuz all i did was fight for it and then tell him i would change and shoot him down like a missle in the war, crushed him, let him down, gave his fucking hopes up. Why? I ask myself that question every single morning i wake up, and you no what? I don’t know the awnser, and i don’t want to no either.
Shit happends in life, and sometimes you just gotta deal with it, and try your best to move on and keep moving forward, continue to live your life to the fullest you posably can no matter what contition it leaves you in at the end of the day.In two seconds life can change completly and you don’t have time to think, just react, and no matter what you always want to be there for the one you love, just sometimes.. i wish i could still be there for you when you fall as much as i wish you were here for me when things go wrong, because you ALWAYS new how to make my day with nothing but a smile, so light up this town Brandon Rankin, brighten up this world like i no you can, and remember the one who loves you, and how much she will always miss you, because she will always be there for you, for anytime you may need a shoulder, or someone to talk to, and that my friend, thats a promice.
I LOVE YOU
- Amy Bennett aka Dork♥
![[A.my*] - 17, Female, Canada](http://images.nexopia.com/gallerylandscapemini/2/3087481/54.jpg "[A.my*] - 17, Female, Canada")
