Yeah...I got bored so i descided to post some jokes that make me laugh

Well, Enjoy
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A farmer is in is local getting drunk. After a few pints the barman asks
"Why are you here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
"Well if you must know" the farmer replies" I was milking my cow and just as the I got the bucket full she took her left leg and kicked it over"
"Whats the big deal?" said the barman
"Well I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as the bucket was about full she took her right leg and kicked it over"
"So what did you do then?" asked the barman.
"I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. Then I sat back down and continued to milk her. Then just as I had got the bucket about full the stupid cow knocked the bucket over with her tail."
"So then what did you do?" asked the barman.
"Well I didn't have any rope left so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. And then my trousers fell down just as my wife walked in....."
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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first day with the hook."
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Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "Please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."
So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
- First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse...
So unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
- Ok, now take off my skirt...
And he takes off her skirt.
- Now take off my bra...
Which he does.
- And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.
And when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,
"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"
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One day, many years after the Clinton scandal, Hillary is struck by a car and killed. Soon, Hillary finds herself at the gates of Heaven. She sees St. Peter and asks ''Can I get into heaven now?''
He says ''Soon, I have some things to take care of.''
So St. Peter leaves and Hillary looks at the scenery and sees millions of clocks lying around. Every once in a while, a clock or so would turn ahead 15 minutes. Hillary wondered why. Soon, St. Peter came back and Hillary asked ''St. Peter, What are all these clocks for?''
St Peter replies ''Each clock represents a man. Every time a man commits adultry, the clock turns ahead 15 minutes.
Hillary asks ''Where's my husbands clock?'' St. Peter replies ''Oh, it's in God's office, he uses it for a fan.''
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Read what you want, and if you think its too long or something, then thats good for you

Dont tell me about it
