[K]aylee. - 20, Female, Winnipeg
[K]aylee.'s Blog31 Hits
what what in the butt
So, if you do manage to attempt to enter my life in the slightest bit on your own, without anyone pushing you; and you manage to see this message, great. You will find out that I think it's ridiculous that I can wait 'til 9 p.m. without a single word from you. Especially after what we talked about. But you will also find out that chances were not half bad that if I asked to go to the city tomorrow with one of my family members who is already going in, I probably would have been able to. But since you have no interest in what I am doing today, or tomorrow for that matter, I think that it would be pointless for me to ask. Because really, if you are too overly busy to have a 10 minute conversation with me today, then you won't have enough time to see me tomorrow. I'm sure you will have a million and one excuses as to why you couldn't possibly take 5 minutes out of your day to message me. But frankly I don't care. Busy or not busy, 5 minutes is nothing. Hell, while you're in the car to go somewhere, give me a text? While you're watching t.v., or eating dinner.
You find it ridiculous that I just happen to get upset every damn day. Well maybe there is a reason for my being upset? Maybe you should reconsider and think about how every time I've been upset it's been because of the same thing. I would think that that in itself is hint enough. Never mind the fact that I have specifically told you, and given you pointers on what to change and how it really isn't that difficult.
If you don't have time to speak to me during the week, then I don't have time to spend with you on the weekend. But then again, it's foolish of me to think that you would have time for me on the weekend. But basically, if you don't have time to talk to me, on a REGULAR basis, then you shouldn't have time to spend with me. Point blank.
And no, me asking you to talk to me at least once throughout the day does NOT suggest that you should talk to me for 5 minutes at midnight. Why on earth would I want to wait all day to hear from you, only to disrupt hours that I should be trying to sleep?
It isn't like I haven't made myself available either. I have spent a few hours on the computer today, the entire time I allowed Skype to be left online. Just in case you might be on and say OH yeah! I have a super awesome girlfriend who I should talk to!! Plus I had my cell phone on me the entire day, which is more than you can ever say for yourself.
Half the time that I try to have a 5 minute conversation with you, you forgot your cell upstairs, or downstairs or in your jacket. Seriously, I'm not going to phone your house phone. Hell, I don't even phone your cell phone first. I text because if you ARE busy you can give a shout back and say busy, I'll text you in an hour. or something. Instead of me just thinking, is he sleeping? busy? annoyed by me? like really...
ANYWAYS. my point is, screw you. I waited all day for a simple message from you. I KNEW that if I didn't attempt to contact you, then you wouldn't even consider talking to me at all. Like I never even entered your life. Do you even think about me at all during the day? Because if you do, I sure freaking hope it's along the lines of "Oh shit I really need to text her or call or something" But somehow I doubt it. Because I haven't gotten any message from you at all.
I probably could have seen you tomorrow, but I'm not even going to bother asking, since you don't even bother texting. I am also extremely tired, so I am probably going to go to sleep. I will be ridiculously amazed if I even wake up with a text from you. And I will be completely and utterly blown away if it has anything regarding this blog. Because, for you to take an interest in me through what I have to think? Well that would just be too much!
Oh by the way, I had a wonderful evening, no thanks to you.
 

COMMENTS
soliddeath
05:09am | Nov 11, '09
soliddeath
You do have a point. Even the busiest people would be able to put 10 minutes aside to talk to someone. Even if it's between things they are doing (I should know, I'm a super busy person, if someone has to, as weird as it might be, call someone or text them while you are in the bathroom. But some people find that a little odd. :P)

I assume this is over a boy? And if you're trying to get him to change I don't believe that he's worth it. There are what.......6.8 billion people out there, there's obviously that one guy who is exactly what you want. Don't be focused on one person if you're not completely happy with who THEY are. People should not change for one another, but accept who they are. If they can't, then they should not be together.

"Because, for you to take an interest in me through what I have to think? Well that would just be too much!"

That right there is some a pretty big sign that this guy should not be your boyfriend. I never like giving negative relationship advice but as selfish as it sounds, life is about yourself. Your happiness, despite what we all think and believe, it's about ourself.

Hope you don't mind that I read your blog
[K]aylee. - 20, Female, Winnipeg
06:37am | Nov 11, '09
I agree, completely. And we haven't been together very long. When we are around eachother we are great. But we can't seem to find a balance while apart. I have stumbled my words over leaving him a few times now. Because for me, this isn't worth it. I agree entirely upon focusing on ones self to find happiness. And not having to rely on others to change. But when you can't gain peace of mind. I don't know. He has managed to convince me to stick around. And if being away from him wasn't such a problem right now everything would be perfect, literally. I do agree that there is a lot of outer stressors in our lives right now. But, that makes me want to put this on pause even more. Because I couldn't stand ruining the possibility before even getting a real chance because of whatever else that was going through our lives? Ugh, whatever lol. So far I am attempting to patiently wait for him to talk to me. And I told him yesterday that I might very well do that. Brahh... I find this incredibly frustrating. Because I know that logically this isn't something I have to put myself through, I could very happily just pick up my things and move on. But I don't have the capacity to leave him when he asks me not to. Not when he isn't intentionally doing anything wrong. Actually truth is he isn't doing anything wrong at all, it just doesn't follow the way I like to live my life.

I tend to give a lot of negative relationship advice. Because more times than not the people who I am talking to need to realize that there are more people out there for them. More people, who will be more compatible. When there are silly things going on, that continue, and they say they will change. And they do, for the first little while...and then it sinks back to exactly where it was. I mean positive relationship advice is easy to give, and much easier to hear. But when it's negative, you need someone to coax you into it, yah know? Just to soothe you through, and remind you that there are many other people in the world who will better suit your life pattern.

I must admit though, that one line is a little harsh lol. He does to some degree. But I feel that I need more, that's all I suppose. He is a very dear man. Very nice, and extremely chivalrous. And majority of the time when we are together, well, I have never met a man who I can just be completely and utterly myself with. I can be as strange as I normally am, and even go beyond with him. It's incredible =) So, between the bad and the good.. I am very torn. I'm not sure if I'm willing to give up that goofiness just yet.

And of course I don't mind that you read my blog =) I actually quite enjoy the fact that you do! It's purely self-indulgent most of the time. But it's nice to know that someone is just as curious as I am out there =) I am such a blog nerd. And I tend to find it all the more interesting if it is personalized random thoughts. Hah, and gossip is never turned down I actually really love going to random people's blogs and just reading up on them. Doesn't matter if I know them or not! =P
soliddeath
03:52pm | Nov 11, '09
soliddeath
So, when I re-read what I wrote last night I found a simple error. 6.8 billion people in the world, but I'm assuming you're into guys so 3.4. Which is still a huge amount of people I have yet to ever do a blog, I tend to keep everything to myself. Are you sure you can't be that goofy person you are with other guys? Have you tried or are you usually a bit held back when you're with people. Just go out one day, meet some random guy and be your fullself, see where it takes you!

So you're well aware of the relationship advice part and you know how do think about your situation. When you have talked to him about why he doesn't call you or anything what has he said in the past? And how often have you brought this subject up to him?

You know what, you should get a lined piece of paper, draw a line down the centre, and write "Goods" and "Bads" on the left and right side. Try and fill out as much of each side as you can in point form, tally up what has the most and huzzah! You have what you believe you should. It's a simple silly concept that many people know about, but I believe it's fully effective. Usually people have a mindset going into it, like "I want to focus on the bad, cause I don't feel they're right for me" but if they truely want to be with them, throughout the process the person will start to think more about the positives and their view will turn around completely. Just my two cents though.

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