Goodmorning troubled self. Today has wind speeds up to "holy crap", with an overcast of "what the hell am I doing" lasting until "you eventually pass out". Have a nice day.


Here I go again
falling into my own desires
creating false images of reality in my head;
false feelings in my heart
if I maneuver everything around me to create the happiness that I so crave
when will I know when enough is enough
maybe I go around creating scenario's that cannot get any better
so I can feel that rush; that burst of extreme joy and excitement
and when it can't get any better, or when it goes down to normal
I back out, and disappear only to find another schmuck and do it all over again
I am questioning my entire make-up
am I searching for someone to share my life with, and just haven't found him?
or am I reaching out for a fantasy that is impossible to achieve?

It's too early for deep thinking. I'm repeating the words "one day at a time" over and over again in my head. Maybe that will help for the time being. I need to figure out how to make this go away. The feeling of my brain being over-filled with things that I cannot even decipher, let alone put into words. I need to erase and start all over again.