" Ex girlfriends are like an ok movie I liked it at the time
but I dont want to see it again...especially if the movie was kind of
a Bitch! " -Demetri Martin
" A squirel is the same as a can, if a BB gun is in my hand. " -Demetri Martin
"... I love the movies, I don't even call them the movies, I call them cinematic adventures ..." -Dane Cook
"... he was hit by a Dodge ... which I found funny and ironic ..." -Dane Cook
"If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half."
-Demetri Martin



