[amanda.] - 24, Female, Cranbrook
[amanda.]'s Blog21 Hits
Show: 
 
[-]
YIPPEEEEEE
STARFIELD ON THE 2ND.
WoOOo
 

[-]
How much does Nexopia suck
 
Comments (0) | Report | Top
+1 
this
+0
 


[-]
Deep
Sometimes i wonder if anything's absolute anymore. Is There Still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable,left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it, cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us

Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.

There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.

You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it

Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has.

But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quite persistence of a dream.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.

You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it. God, I love this game.

Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.

Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred.How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children out into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return but knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one.

Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise, like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore simply rise above the pain in the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. The celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one. Like a team braced against the tempests of the world. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world of feelings long held, promises made long ago in the sacred space in our hearts

Kahlil Gibran once wrote: Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction.

Octavio Paz once wrote: Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition. Man is the only being who knows he is alone.

Nathaniel Hawthorne once wrote: No man, for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.

Some people believe that ravens guide travelers to their destinations. Others believe that the sight of a solitary raven is considered good luck. While more than one raven together, predicts trouble ahead

What a frightening thing the human is, a mass of gauges and dials and registers, and we can read only a few and those perhaps not accurately.

As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. Then gradually time awakened again and moved sluggishly on."

John Steinbeck once wrote “It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live for our death brings no pleasure on the world."

E.E. Cummings once wrote; To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours.

There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune but omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and mesires. On such a full sea are we now afloat and we must take the current when it serves or lose the ventures before us.
 

[-]
Storm
riff 1

Em7 C G
|-------------------------------------------------​--------------|
|--------3--------------3--------------3----------​----3---------|
|------0---0---0------0---0---0------0---0---0----​--0---0---0---|
|----2-------2------2-------2------0-------0------​0-------0-----|
|-----------------3-------------------------------​--------------|
|--0-----------------------------3--------------3-​--------------|
2x for intro
Em7 D/F# G
--------------------------------------------------​-------------|
--------3--------------3--------------3-----------​--3----------|
------0---0---0------2---2---0------0---0---0-----​0---0---0----|
----2-------2------0-------0------0-------0-----0-​------0------|
--------------------------------------------------​-------------|
--0--------------2-------------3--------------3---​-------------|

riff 2
G D/F# Em7 C G
|-------------------------------------------------​--------------|
|--------3-------3-------3-------------3----------​---3----------|
|------0-------2-------0---0---0-----0---0---0----​-0---0---0----|
|----0-------0-------2-------2-----2-------2-----0​-------0------|
|--------------------------------3----------------​--------------|
|--3-------2-------0---------------------------3--​--------------|

G D/F# Em7 C G
--------------------------------------------------​--------------|
--------3-------3-------3-------------3-----------​--3-----------|
------0-------2-------0---0---0-----0---0---0-----​0---0---0-----|
----0-------0-------2-------2-----2-------2-----0-​------0-------|
--------------------------------3-----------------​--------------|
--3-------2-------0---------------------------3---​--------------|

----------------|
-------3--------|
-----0---0---0--|
---0-------0----|
----------------|
-3--------------|


CHORUS

Em7 C G
|-------------------------------------------------​--------------|
|--------3--------------3--------------3----------​----3---------|
|------0---0---0------0---0---0------0---0---0----​--0---0---0---|
|----2-------2------2-------2------0-------0------​0-------0-----|
|-----------------3-------------------------------​--------------|
|--0-----------------------------3--------------3-​--------------|

Em7 D/F# G
--------------------------------------------------​-------------|
--------3--------------3--------------3-----------​--3----------|
------0---0---0------2---2---0------0---0---0-----​0---0---0----|
----2-------2------0-------0------0-------0-----0-​------0------|
--------------------------------------------------​-------------|
--0--------------2-------------3--------------3---​-------------|

Em7 C G D/F# Em7
|-------------------------------------------------​-------------|
|--------3--------------3--------------3-------3--​-----3-------|
|------0---0---0------0---0---0------0-------2----​---0---0---0-|
|----2-------2------2-------2------0-------0------​-2-------2---|
|-----------------3-------------------------------​-------------|
|--0-----------------------------3-------2-------0​-------------|
C D G D/F#
---------------------0----------------------------​-------------|
-------3-----------3---3---3-------3-------------3​-------3-----|
-----0---0---0---2-------2-------0---0---0-----0--​-----2-------|
---2-------2---0---------------0-------0-----0----​---0---------|
-3------------------------------------------------​-------------|
-----------------------------3-------------3------​-2-----------|
Em7 D Em7
----------------------0----------------------|
--------3-----------3---3---3-------3--------|
------0---0---0---2-------2-------0---0---0--|
----2-------2---0---------------2-------2----|
---------------------------------------------|
--0---------------------------0--------------|

he plays this after the chorus

G
|------------------------------|
|----------3-------------------|
|------0-2---2-0/2--2-0--------|
|----0------------------0------|
|------------------------------|
|--3---------------------------|

how long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright

and I will walk on water
you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
I know everything is alright
everything's alright
 

[-]
Wow.
I'm so fucking sick of Nexopia, and the assholes I talk to on here.
 

[-]
Movies I've seen
A walk to remember
21
Gremlins
Gremlins 2
Alpha Dog
The little Mermaid
Lion King
Beauty and the Beast
Cinderella
Monsters Inc.
Hoodwinked
Secret Window
Insanitarium
The Shining
Premonition
The Number 23
How the Grinch stole Christmas
Grease
Ladder 49
Walk the Line
Elf
Christmas with the Cranks
Get Smart
Saw
Saw 2
Saw 3
Saw 4
Hostel
Hostel 2
Euro Trip
Without a Paddle
Road Trip
Halloweentown
Halloweentown 2
It
Halloween
Scream
Scream 2
Scream 3
Scary movie
Scary movie 2
Scary movie 3
I know what you did last summer
I still know what you did last summer
Thirteen
Thirteen Ghosts
The Mist
The Fog
Wrong Turn
Dead End
Passion of the Christ
She's the Man
Princess Diaries
Princess Diaries 2
Maid in Manhattan
Double Jeopardy
Home Alone
Home Alone 2
Home Alone 3
River Wild
Click
Anger Management
Billy Madison
Big Daddy
50 first dates
Happy Gilmore
Cable Guy
Mask
Son of the Mask
Liar Liar
I am Legend
I robot
13 going on 30
The Notebook
How to lose a guy in 10 days
Little Black Book
Disturbia
Transformers
Gothika
Tremors
Tremors 2
Titanic
Pearl Harbor
Hostage
Boondock Saints
American Pie
American Pie 2
American Wedding
American Pie: Band Camp
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Blue Streak
Labyrinth
What's the worst that could happen
Big Mommas house
Big Mommas house 2
Spiderman
Spiderman 2
Spiderman 3
Batman
Harry potter
Harry Potter 2
Harry Potter 3
Harry Potter 4
The Wedding Singer
The village
Flubber
Lilo & Stitch
Lilo & stitch 2
Madagascar
Finding Nemo
A cinderella story
The perfect man
Hocus Pokus
Beetlejuice
Kingdom of Heaven
Escape from Hell
White Chicks
Deep Impact
The day after tomorrow
Armageddon
I'll be home for Christmas
Look who's talking
Look who's talking 2
Freaky Friday
Jeepers Creepers
Jeepers Creepers 2
Galaxy Quest
Waiting..
Crossroads
The Breakup
Accepted
Strange Wilderness
Coneheads
Bulletproof
Deuce Bigalow
Little Nicky
The Animal
Waterboy
Mr. Deeds
8 Crazy Nights
Spanglish
The Longest yard
Deuce Bigalow European Gigilo
I now pronounce you Chuck & Larry
You don't mess with the Zohan
Nightmare on Elm Street
Edward Scissorhands
Dead Man On Campus
Donnie Darko
Sleepy Hallow
Pirates of the Carribean
Happily Ever After
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Tommy Boy
The Rugrats Movie
Lost and found
The Emporers New Groove
Joe Dirt
Dickie Roberts: Child Star
The Bench Warmers
Ace Ventura
Dumb and Dumber
Dumb and Dumberer
The Truman Show
Simon Birch
Me Myself & Irene
Bruce Almighty
Lemony Snicket's A series of Unfortunate Events
Fun with Dick and Jane
Dukes of Hazzard
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Psycho
Silence of the Lambs
The Matrix
American History X
Forrest Gump
The Departed
To Kill a Mockingbird
Alien
Broken down palace
Braveheart
Jaws
Jaws 2
The Wizard Of Oz
The Sixth Sense
The little Rascalls
The Incredibles
Groundhog Day
Toy Story
Crash



















 

[-]
I've seen 146 out of 239 MOVIES.
SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom.

ya im dumb, but im a movie fan...guess it shows...

() Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
() Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
() Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
() Blazing Saddles
() Airplane

5

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
(x ) Saw
( x) Saw II
(x) White Noise
() White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

11

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x ) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
() Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x ) American Wedding
(x) American Pie Band Camp

10

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
() Resident Evil 1
() Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
(x) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch

8

(x) Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(x) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
() Robots

8

() Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
() Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
(x) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
() KING KONG

9

(x) A Cinderella Story
() The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
() Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
() Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber

9

( x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
() Practical Magic
() Chicago
(x ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
() Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards

5

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
(x) Seed of Chucky
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
() Remember the Titans
() Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
(x) Son Of The Mask

12

(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
(x) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
() Bourne Identity
() Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
() Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George

9

(x) Independence Day
() Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
(x) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
() War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2

7

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
() Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
() The Terminator 2
() The Terminator 3

7

() X-Men
() X-2
() X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
(x) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire
(x) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
(x) Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2

14

(x) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
() K-Pax
() Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
(x) Boogeyman
(x ) The 40-year-old Virgin

7

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
() Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
() Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
() Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
() Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

2

( ) Baseketball
( x) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x ) Elf
(x) Highlander
(x) Mothman Prophecies
( x) American History X
( ) Three

5

() The Jacket
() Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
() Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard

4

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x ) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
() Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
() Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
() Waterworld

4

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
() Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
(x) Wolf Creek
(x) Kingdom of Heaven
(x) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
() Army of Darkness

5

() Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
()Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
() Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
() Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
() Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
() Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor

0

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
() The Matrix Revolutions
()Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal

5

Now Add them up and...

Put "I've seen ... out of 239 films" in the subject line and re-post it
 

[-]
RECIPES
Royal Icing

* 3 tbsp meringue powder (available at cake stores and Bulk Barn stores) (45 ml)
* 1/2 cup warm water (125 ml)
* 4 1/2 cups icing sugar, sifted (1125 ml)
* 1 tsp vanilla extract (5 ml)
* 1/2 tsp cream of tartar (2 ml)
* food colouring, as needed



Peppermint Patties
Yield: 96

Recipe courtesy Daphna Rabinovich, Canadian Living Cooks.
Ingredients:
Peppermint Patties

* 1 can (300 ml) Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk
* 1 tbsp peppermint extract (15 ml)
* 6 cups icing sugar (approximately) (1500 ml)
* 1 1/2 lb. bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped (672 g)


Directions:
Peppermint Patties

1. In stand up mixer or using hand-held beaters, lightly beat together sweetened condensed milk and peppermint extract. With machine on low, gradually add icing sugar, beating until smooth and well blended. Turn mixture out onto surface sprinkled with a light film of additional icing sugar.
2. Knead mixture lightly to form smooth ball. Shape into 1-inch balls. Place 2-inches apart on parchment paper-lined baking sheets. Flatten each ball into a 1 1/2-inch patty.
3. Let patties dry about 2 hours. Turn each patty over and let dry for an additional hour.
4. Melt chocolate over double boiler. Resting each patty on tines of fork or dipping tools, dip each patty into warm chocolate, drawing fork lightly across rim of pan to remove excess chocolate. Invert onto parchment paper-lined baking sheets, let stand until firm. Store covered at room temperature. Makes about 8 dozen patties.


Shortbread Cookies

Yield: 36
Ingredients:
Shortbread Cookies

* 1 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
* 1/2 cup + 2 Tbsp icing sugar
* 1/4 cup cornstarch or rice flour
* 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
* 1/2 tsp salt
* 1 tsp vanilla extract


Directions:
Shortbread Cookies

1. Preheat oven to 350 °F. Beat butter until light and fluffy. Sift in icing sugar and beat again until fluffy, scraping down sides of the bowl often. Sift in cornstarch or rice flour and blend in. Sift in all purpose flour and salt and mix until dough comes together (it will be soft). Stir in vanilla.
2. Spoon large teaspoonfuls of cookie dough (or use a small ice cream scoop) onto an un-greased cookie sheet, leaving 2 inches between cookies and bake for 18 to 20 minutes, until bottoms brown lightly. Remove from cookie sheet to cool.

Chocolate Nougat Shortbread

1. Prepare shortbread recipe as above and spoon onto an ungreased baking sheet. Press a triangle piece of chocolate nougat candy into the center of each cookie and bake for 18 to 20 minutes, until bottoms brown lightly.
 

[-]
Awe,thnkyouclint.. :)
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
and if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you find the window,
if it's cold outside,
show the world the warmth of your smile,
but more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more then you take.

But more than anything, Yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
this is my wish
i hope you know somebody loves you
may all your dreams stay big
 

[-]
akjsd
I really wish things could be easy. That I could wake up in the morning, with a smile on my face, knowing my day will go well. I wish I could have the perfect career, the one that I love going to, and receive enough pay to live a care-free life. I wish I could have a family to back me whenever I need them, one that can help in every aspect. One I'm not afraid of. I wish I was the perfect sister, the one who is always there, and doesn't leave her hanging. I wish I could be with the perfect man. The one I desire, with all my heart. The one who completes me, and keeps me sane. The one who understands me, in every aspect, and challenges me. The one I can talk to all hours of the night, who will hold me until I stop crying. The one with enough compassion and affection to not care who sees, or knows. The one who will love me unconditionally, forever. I wish I could take my mistakes, learn the first time, and move forward. I wish I would have done some things differently. I wish my confidence were higher, that I wouldn't second guess everything, and back out when things are thrown my way. I wish I didn't push everyone away. I wish I trusted people with a benefit of the doubt, until proven wrong. I wish I could let people into my life, and open up to them. I wish it wasn't so hard to get to know me, too many people don't put in the effort, or the time. I wish I could just know what to do with my life, like it would just open up to me, bright and clear.
I wish for my debt to be gone, for my credit to be incredible. I wish i was more spontanious, and worried less. I wish I wouldn't put my heart out there early on.
I wish...
 

[-]
hmmm
HARD .
1. will you answer every question honestly ? Yes
2. have you ever stayed up all night while drunk or high ? Yes
3. have you ever punched anyone in the face ? Yes
4. do you miss anything or anyone? I miss lots of things..
5.: what makes you laugh no matter what ? Dayna; Especially when she's making fun of Sean. Hahaha.
6. have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past 24 hours ? Nope
7. who was the last person you talked to ? Sean
8. what do you dislike at the moment ? The pain in my head
9. name one person on your top friends who is the most like you ? I'm pretty.. different..

HARDER .
1. do you get butterflies around the guy you like ? I used to.. Not so much now that I'm older.. it's a different feeling now.
2. do you think it is bad to have sex at your age ? 21? Uuh. not really..
3. will you get married ? Yep
4. will you be doing drugs in the near future ? No
5. do you lie about your age ? Nope..I have no need. I'm legal EVERYWHERE

VERY PERSONAL .
1. if you were to have sex right now would you use condom ? No. Bahaha
2. are you happy with yourself ? Generally, yes
3. would you change yourself for the person you love ? If I love them, I wouldn't need to change myself.. i have standards

SECRETS .
1. when did you last cry ? Umm, bout a week ago, I think.. Unless we're talking laugh tears.. then, last night.
2. do you believe in religion ? No.
3. when was the last time you fell asleep with a guy ? Um, last night. Will tonight too..
4. what is currently on your mind ? Irfaan
5. did you ever wish a close friend to death ? I wouldn't wish ANYONE to death.
6. has a guy ever seriously punched you more than once ? No..
7. have you ever made out until you ran out of breath ? Yeah, haha
8. do you think you are in love ? No

SHOCKING .
1. have you ever dated your friend’s ex ? No
2. have you done bad things with your parents near by ? Haha.. uuh yeah..
3. have you started a horrible rumor about somebody ? Nope.. never would.
4. did you ever fail the school year ? Not the whole year.. just half..lol
5. have you ever done hallucinogenic drugs ? Mhmm.
6. have you ever been too drunk to remember a certain night ? No
7. do you think your future will be a good one ? Of course it will.
 

[-]
HERES an intro. Wow.
 

[-]
A soul that worn and rough
So I guess you can call this the beginning of an end. It's time to move forward without regrets. I never realized how hard that could be, until now. I hold so much baggage, that I can't move past things that I need to, in order to be happy. The happiness I thought I felt, was completely artificial, fueled by my own selfishness. I can't live like that anymore. I can't lie to myself.. it doesn't work. My heart is broken to an extent I didn't think possible.. but I'll be okay. I know I can make it through whatever is thrown at me..
The change is just beginning, and instead of being fearful of it, I'm ready to embrace it. My life is taking a turn emotionally, physically, and mentally. I have the will, I have the determination.. I just need the support. Finding that won't be easy.. but it'll come. Family means more to me than ever in this.. they're the ones I need to lean on.. they're the ones who will help me through.
I have dreams, and goals.. they're no longer in the future. Working for them starts now. I have to be true to myself, let go of those I'm not ready for.. and wish them the best. I've met some incredible people, and some not so great ones. The one who means something, is the one I have to let go of. I'm simply not ready. I need time for Amanda, alone.. no distractions. I can't afford to have my heart lead the way.. I don't think I can emotionally do things right, and it's not fair to him. Would I ever have done this before? No. Never. Once I figure out where I stand in this messed up world.. then I'll be more than happy to embrace another person. Until then, I'm flyin' this one solo.

Update: Alright, so I've realized this isn't going to be an easy one to fallow. I've already had doubts that I'm wrong about everything.. I've already tried to convince myself I can be involved with someone else. It's amazing how that happens..

But, a wise man once said..
(11:06 PM) jeff: its hard to learn to let go and just keep pushing forward
(11:06 PM) jeff: even with small things
(11:07 PM) jeff: cant change the past
(11:07 PM) jeff: and the future doesnt exist yet
(11:07 PM) jeff: so the right now is the only part of life you can really make changes in


The past is behind me, the future isn't here.. but now is what matters. What I do now, will determine what the past has taught me, what the present can bring me, and what the future holds. Only I can control my destiny, and only I can bring myself whatever it is I desire.

(11:41 PM) jeff: but seriously... you were a whole complete person before
(11:41 PM) jeff: and you STILL are
(11:42 PM) jeff: you just forgot all that because you allowed your ability to be happy to ride on another human beings actions
(11:43 PM) jeff: you let another person affect your ability to be complete within your own self


Who was I before him? This is what I need to ponder.. what I need to realize. I never lost myself, simply forgot to let myself shine through. I need to bring that back. I need to find the happiness within myself, and the love for myself, in order to feel fulfilled. Then I won't lean on another to find the happiness I couldn't find in myself. Artificial happiness doesn't pave your way through life.

(12:15 AM) jeff: like a bandaid
(12:15 AM) jeff: quick
(12:15 AM) jeff: painfull
(12:15 AM) jeff: but the pain is gone faster
(12:15 AM) jeff: than one hair at a time

Breaking the ties..

Anyways, that's the basics of the conversation I had with Jeff tonight. He really honestly opened my eyes to a lot of things. Not really things I didn't know.. because I did. Just things I kind of let slip past. It's good to have a friend there..
and that brings me back to the original struggle tonight. I tried to not let my emotions get in the way of finding 'me'.. and yet, they do. Well, I'm not sure they get in the way.. there's no games in this one. We get closer by the day as far as friendship goes.. and for me to push that away, would be stupid. I just have to guard myself. If something is meant to happen, it will.
 

[-]
New stuff
Bring me to my senses.
Show me what it is I cannot see.
Bring me past my pain,
and let me breathe.
Help me to forget the past..
and forgive the unforgivable.
Give me thecourage I need to progress
and the peace to clear my mind.
Help me find a place of ecstasy..
Calm the waters, I'm tired of drowning.
Make me the person I need to be..
help me find myself.
 

[-]
...
She sits and wonders "what did I do wrong?" Classic case scenario, she falls, he moves on.