http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/van/fbh/29248473​91.html


O_O Must contact NYSA for cover letter I left there!
Mruh. Vancouver your job opportunities amaze me.

Wake up.
Cramping - Not the normal kind.
The "eating-away-at-your-uterus" kind
Sigh.
But I didn't do anything this time.
At least I know what it is.
Reach for the backpack, take out Ibuprofen
Start with four. Nah, better make it six.
My visions already starting to get bleary.
Chase it down with water. Uhg.
Sweating has started, roll onto all fours
Face down on the pillow.
Eye's closed, shallow breathing.
I need the washroom...
Grab a thin blanket and the cup.
In case I have to puke while I shit
Just like the last two times
Stumble to the washroom.
I'm glad no one else is awake yet.
Lock the door, sit down.
Pain, uhhg.
There really is no relief from this other than the Ibu.
That and receding into the fetal position on the floor.
Take another Ibuprofen, just in case.
You can't take too many of them, right? They're child's play.
Time ticks by. Man I'm glad I got on those painkillers fast.
I can already feel the pain ebbing away.
Eye's closed. Remember my breathing.
I'm cold from the sweat now.
Good thing I got that blanket.
It's only been about 15 minutes.
This is the fastest recovery yet.
This is also the first episode that's happened away from home.
No trigger. No notice. Just bam- incoherent blinding pain.
I also didn't get sick this time.
Almost. A few waves of nausea, but I got to the painkillers in time.
Never ever leaving home without those.

www.cobcottages.com
http://earthship.com/


Pretty sure this is the kind of green housing I want to go into. When I'm ready to stop being a giant dillhole I'm sinking my roots into this!

the farther I fall the farther I want to fall.

I have no idea who I'll be at the end of the summer.

http://myownauthority.blogspot.ca/2011/02/gypsy-oh​-gypsy-take-me-away.html

fuck I wish I was a dude so I could bloody hitchhike on my own.
i fucking hate being codependant
fucking hate being stuck. this is bullshit.

I get moments where I'm overwhelmed with nostalgia.
Well not quite...
I guess it's like always wondering what life would be like if something had never happened.
I often wonder what my life would be like now if my dad hadn't died.
Moreso than my dad, I always wonder what life would be like if Brynn hadn't dropped out of my life. I miss him so much.
I don't know if it would have been better if he'd died- Because there would be room to move on. Get closure. End chapter.
However, he's not dead. He's alive and living, knowing that we all miss him. None of us know just how bad it is or if it's really bad at all. It's the not knowing that's the bad part.
I always wished things would work out for him. If his situation was a healthy one I'd say for him to go for it, to fuck off from our lives completely like he has. But it doesn't feel right.
I'll never forget about him. Maybe he'll read this one day and see.
I made a promise and I'm standing by it.
I miss you, friend. Come back when your ready.

It's become a bit of a routine for me to up and leave my hometown this time of year (Spring time). I've always flocked back to the island for the winter season, then once the frost starts to melt my feet get itchy again and I have to take off. Last year we wandered through the interior, over the rockies and then into Alberta for a little while. I heard about WWOOFING a couple years ago and thought it was a brilliant idea. The notion of folks being able to contribute hard work for a place to be safe and warm was coupled with the other ideals I had gathered in recent years. I suppose I come from a collective mind- Everyone does their share and everyone gets their share of the return. Of course nothing is ever as black-and-white as that, and I'm sure most farming folk have gotten their share of 'talkers' and slackers and the sort. Nothing can really be said here that can't usually be summed up within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone. That is to say you can't count your chickens until they've hatched. I could give you the whole 'Oh I'm a great hard worker, learn fast, easy to get along with" tidbit and then when you meet me we could right well hate each other and none of that would be true. So it all comes down to circumstance. That's life, though, isn't it? Nothing sacrificed nothing gained? We take risks every day. We get into vehicles that could destroy our fragile human bodies in seconds. We associate with family and friends who could emotionally scar us, if they wanted to. Our very existance in this galaxy could be burnt to a crisp by a single solar flare- so everything really is left up to chance. Nothing is ever promised- Seemingly, logically they can be promised by statistics or variable means, but it's all conceptual. Concepts are created by human mind and that's where we stand different from other species on earth. We can create all the what-ifs and maybes in the world. We can spend hours and days pondering moments that haven't happened yet and may never well happen. It's our stand alone from the rest of the beings on this earth, but it's also our downfall. Humans waste far too much time worrying about things that will never befall them It's my experience that the greatest trageties are the ones that don't even cross our minds. The events that blindside us when we're wondering how to spend our friday afternoon.

constantly on the border.

this time of year is hard for me. i see all the pictures and wonder
where I belong in it all. there's gotta be a reason it's so alluring to me

there's gotta be or it would've died by now.

maybe I'm not reckless enough
but maybe that's the point.

I just can't seem to find which way I'm going.

-3 inch piece of burdock root

-1/2 inch piece of ginger root

-3 small apples

-1 leaf of collard, kale or chard (optional, add if you want a green juice)

-1/4 lemon, with skin if organic



Cilantro Pesto

4 cloves garlic
1/3 cup Brazil nuts (selenium)
1/3 cup sunflower seeds (cysteine)
1/3 cup pumpkin seeds (zinc, magnesium)
2 cups packed fresh cilantro (coriander, Chinese parsley) (vitamin A)
2/3 cup flaxseed oil
4 tablespoons lemon juice (vitamin C)
2 tsp dulse powder
Sea salt to taste

Another sudden onset of pain
It happened as I woke up this morning.

Everything starting to fade out- Pain killers, now. And lots of them.
The sweating starts. Run to the bathroom. Clothes come off
Grab a towel. Sweats pouring off of me now.
How long has it been now? 3 minutes? 5?
The shits begin. My stomach is to follow.
My body is rejecting everything that is has
Breathing shallows. The light hurts. Body hurts.
My mind seems to be the only part of me that works.
It's all too aware of the pain.
Shifting positions, from the toilet,
to the floor, to curled up against the bathtub.
My body is soaked in sweat but I'm freezing.
"Come on pain killers, please start working"
Did I puke them up? I can't remember.
Taking more couldn't hurt at this point.

The funny thing is there was no blood.
It started to reside after about 20 minutes.
Pain eases, slowly. It still comes in waves.
Sweating stops. I drink some water.
Shaking, freezing and exhausted I return to bed.

What happened? I thought I was supposed to be cured.
I thought my surgery was supposed to have fixed this.
The scary thing is there was no warning this time.
Usually there's a trigger, or a warning sign.
I guess it happened in my sleep.
What if this happens when I'm out in public?
Or staying with a friend?
I can't really say convincingly "I'll be okay"
while I'm having one of these episodes.
Although today was so bad I wasn't too sure of it myself.

I guess I'm going back to the doctors.

and I found myself thinking "I'm blessed" and being so thankful for it.
The voice that sings "Watch out!" grows quieter and quieter. It's so nice not having to struggle to be in the moment. I haven't got much of a choice with so much going on right now. My mind is a million times a second and this is what I've been after for so long. It was the constant pursuit of new things that I couldn't grasp here in the reality I'd created.

On another note, I've gladly been trading my eyesight for a better sense of smell. My breathing has increased significantly. It's peculiar and (almost) calming that my eye sight's been slipping slightly. A little less for the immediate senses to perceive at once, well, that just limits the potential of being overwhelmed.

Who knew I'd turn out to be such a hippy. Well. A few people knew it.

deep breaths
never been so good to be alive

I can just barely wrap my head around what has just begun.
Everything is falling into place.

lonely planet thailand

wednesday 18th 10-2 orientation monday 23rd 8:30-2:30