I am resigning from this family.
Mums half:
Aunty: All you've done is personally attack me. There's a difference between bitching and correcting. Every correction was followed with "I DON'T UNDERST AND WHY YOU CAN'T GET THIS. IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE." type comments; my self esteem issues stem from you.
Papa: Your wifes a fucking controlling bitch and I truly hate her from the CORE of my being. If you get buried next to her and not my Grandma Diana. I swear to fucking God, I'll move your body FOR YOU. She should be buried with the hoe ass cheating husband she had before she met you. And you should be buried with the love of your life. Kapeesh?
"Grandma": You have done nothing but try and make my Grandfathers decisions for him. You expect him to do everything for you. You're not the perfect little old housewife you make yourself seem, and I'm positive we can all agree we fucking despise you.
Cousin: You're the one person that has ever even came close to my life style, the drugs and the partying. You are the only one that even has a central idea of what my life is like and what I'm going through. You promised you'd always be there, and yet you've cut off absolutely all contact with me? Really?! That's being there for me alright.
Cousin: You are the preppiest bitch I have ever met in my life. You're gorgeous and it makes me livid. I can't believe there was a time when I thought you were like God's angel he sent to earth. I wanted to be just like you. And I'm so glad I never could be. I know this family loves you way more cause you're perfect. So you can tell your mother she can stop pretending that she doesn't play "favourites".
Dad: I've hated you ever since I could remember. It pisses me off when you say "I love you." because I know I hate you and if I got the chance to kill you I would do it gladly. The moneys great but I'd rather live on the streets than ever see or talk to your drunken abusive ass EVER fucking again.
Here's my resignation, this family is bullshit.
Dad's half:
Aunty: I fucking DESPISE you. You are not allowed to talk to my mother that way and I am positive if I ever see you again I WILL have the courage to knock your ass out. What, your parents fucked up four kids and decided they'd save you?! You're spoiled, rotten. All you have to do is cry mummy and daddy and everything gets completely handed to you. I wish I could rip that pretty little ring off your fucking finger, you don't deserve to be happy.
Grandpa: You, oh you. I hate you, I really really do. You bad mouth my mother not even just behind her back but to HER DAUGHTERS fucking face. You tell me that she's brainwashed me. Accept the fact that your son is a raging alcoholic just like you were and maybe we'll get on with our lives. You're an old miserable man.
Grandma: I actually have no problem with you, but your family is fucking bullshit. I love you, and I respect you but the people you surround yourself with is fucking crazy. You're sweet and innocent, and I have the time of my life making pancakes with you. Whenever I come up too stay for a week, you'll always make sure I'm occupied or that I have ever drink and piece of food I could ask for. But your daughters a mess, she's a real disgrace too your name.
Cousin: Your family, is a joke. You are fucking completely spoiled rotten. You're 16, you have a brand new car, a three million dollar home and your own home already set up for when you move out. You're a fucking pathetic excuse for a human being. We used to be so close and you won't even say Hi anymore. Just eye me from across the room. Must be the bullshit your mothers telling you.
So here's my resignation from this side of my family too.
You've all polluted my genes with various disorders and diseases.
No family is perfect but this is the opposite of perfect.
There's a drug addict or a psychopath everywhere I turn.
I'm fine, alone, with my mother. Thanks.

Looks like that night at that park with our friends when you said "Don't push me away." I obviously should have. Obviously.
You're a fucking bitch, and you're worthless. You've fucked me over one too many times.
I know I can't make you hurt. But I can make sure you can't hurt me.
My new years resolution was too move on with my life, and get away from you.
And now it's a done deal.
So here's to you and everything we could've had.
Cheers, fucker.

"..this goes to only one person in my life and world ^.^ you made me so happy when i most needed it but i was scared and i fucked up..here we are sat dec 25 ..i forgave my self for my idiotic mistake can you forgive me now..?"
Please, please, please dear God. Let that status be about me.
Baby, you're stronger than the strongest drug I ever had. Mix em all together you'd still be twice as bad.
I love you, my fool.

Dear best friend,
I consider you blood and baby it doesn't come any thicker. You mean the world, and my niece of nephew that you're carrying means the world to me. I'd die for you, in a heart beat. You make me so happy and I feel eight million times more blissful with you. I can talk to you about anything and that is absolutely amazing. You keep me sane and you make me smile when I don't think I will ever have the strength to again. You have helped me find a piece of me I had thought I lost and you truly do bring out the best in me. There's a reason we are so close and it's so we can take care of each other. Because near or far I swear I will take care of you.
You are my Witchy and my Manda Panda. You've given so much too me and it hurts that I have so little to give back. I don't deserve someone like you in my life, I never have and I never will. But I am so happy you will stick by me and take care of me when life gets bad. Even if I will never understand why.
I love you whole heartedly.
Your little sister. ♥

Dear Mattchew,
Hello there. It's been a good long while since we had one of our eight hour conversations. Boy, do I miss those. But really the thing I miss the most is your charming smile, the one that you revealed without realizing that it set my soul free. It was possibly the most beautiful, innocent and kindred thing I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. It kills me when I dream of that smile, cause I know that smile is the one thing of you that I claimed as mine forever, that stupid stupid smile, it's the one thing I hold from our past and it's the one thing I'll hold forever; regardless of how close we are, or how far apart we have grown. You were my first live and that smile signifies the beautiful effortless relationship we had, when you were mine and even now as we are just friends. I remember imagining you were here with me all the time. I remember speaking to you as if you actually were around but most of all I remember the happiness, the pure bliss that engulfed me. And of course I remember the misery, the way I entirely shut down when you weren't around.
Mathiu, you never promised me forever, you never even promised me anything. But the things I have promised you will come true. I'll see you soon. ♥

Dear Fool,
Oh you, I barely have words that can describe you. You were my big brother, my bestfriend and my ultimate protector. You saved me from myself and the world. You gave me definition and even today my entirety and complete being is defined by you, even though we haven't spoken in almost five months you live in me. You were the first person who truly cared, to this day I still remember you looking at me and saying "Whats wrong? You look so lost... it hurts to look in your eyes." you were the first person who truly brought that out of me, I told you everything, you could get anything out of me. And in a way I cant explain you could read me. And for some reason, I could feel you. I still remember the night you OD'd, the say you almost died, I remember feeling your body hit the ground as you collapsed into a seizure. I remember not being able to sleep every weekend you were out cause I needed to know you were safe. You scarred me so many times, you almost killed me so many times. And even though you still hint to me you still love me, I can never be sure. I destroyed myself because of you, I tore everything apart because of you. I don't know where we stand and I dont know if I still love you but if you knocked on my door tomorrow morning I'd fall into your arms and cry because you'd finally be here, in my reach.
Summer 2010 was a sure disappointment. </3 I'll see you soon?

Dear you,
It's hard for me to even say this but here goes; Listen here, you are going to be thr death of me. You got that? And truthfully, I need to know where we stand. Cause one day you're gonna turn around and realize I'm not your ghost anymore. And on that day I'm not gonna leave, no. I'm gonna stand off in the distance and haunt you as if I really was your ghost. But listen to me, you promised and I've had enough of broken promises. You better keep it. Mmkay? Mmkay.
I don't really know how to explain you, you're not my big brother, you're not my lover, fuck... but you mean the world to me. And honestly, I don't need to be your little sister, or your lover, I need to be apart of you, in whatever way. I just have to matter. I just have to be a small piece of your hectic world. That is all. That will suffice. And I know you'll get through this. I l've been here, I know how hard it is to breath and how hard it is to stay sane and even how hard it is to fake that smile every single day. But you'll survive. You are repairable. But the only way you'll ever move on (even though the second she shows the slightest amount of interest you'll fall all over again one hundred times harder and faster) is by cutting off all contact.
So good luck, and yes you need luck. Because you being the loser you are will always need luck.

40 Secrets About Yourself
Be HONEST no matter what.

1. What Is your natural hair color?
That would be reddish brown.

2. Where was your default pic taken?
My mothers room.

3. What's your middle name?
Diana.

5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
For fuck if I know.

6. What is your current mood?
I'm... indifferent.

7.What color underwear are you wearing?
Pink and black.

8.What makes you happy?
Coca Cola, and music, and talking, and yeah.

10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would you change?
Umm... who my dad was or... where I lived.

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?
Zebraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

12. Ever had a near death experience?
Nope.

13. Something you do a lot?
Drink Coca Colaaaaa.

14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
Saying Goodbye To Hollywood.

15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
Random page?

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
Scott Mann. You sir, are the shit. >=D

17. When was the last time you cried?
Hmm... I do not remember...

18. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Nopers.

19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
Hmm... I would kind of like to be able to become invisible but turn it on and off. Or, something else. I don't really care.

20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
Eyebaaaaaalls.

21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I never go to Starbucks.

22. What's your biggest secret?
Well, it wouldn't be a secret if I told you now would I?

23. Fav color?
Purpleeeee.

24. When was the last time you lied?
For fuck sakes, today?

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
All the timee.

27. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Cocaaa Colaaaa.

28. Do you speak any other language?
I speak sarcastic bitch quite fluently.

29. What's your favorite smell?
The smell of everything after a nice fresh rainstorm. Cause rain is the shit. That, or certain smelly body perfume stuffs.

30. If you could describe your life in one word what would it be?
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

31. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
Hmm, last night.

32. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
Nopee.

33. What are you thinking about right now?
My mommy should go away. =]

34. What should you be doing?
Cleaning or homework.

35. What was the last thing that made you upset/angry?
My mommy not giving me my phone for a little while.

37. Do you like working in the yard?
Not at all.

38. If you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

39. Do you act differently around your girlfreind/boyfriend?
Nopeee.

40. Name one song that reminds you of an ex?
Beside You - Marianas Trench.

01.Are you in á relátionship ?
Nope.
02. If no, would you like to be ?
With one person… yeah…
03. How often do you visit Fácebook ?
Depends on if I have my phone.
04. What is your fávorite cándy ?
Depends on the day.
05. Háve you ever tripped going up steps ?
All the time.
06. Where did you go on vácátion lást summer ?
B.C. , twice.
07. Would you bungee jump ?
Damn straight.
08. Do you own á Fáll Out Boy CD ?
Nope.
09. Do you like ámusement párks ?
Depends on the rides.
10. Do you ride rollercoásters ?
Life is a rollercoaster, so all the motherfucking time.
11. What is your current fávorite CD ?
I don’t listen to CD’s. I listen to certain songs.
12. Cán you touch your tongue to your nose ?
Almost.
13. When wás the lást time you were in the oceán ?
Never been to or seen the ocean.
14. Do you like flowers ?
They’re nice, sometimes.
15. Would you kiss someone of the sáme sex ?
For sure.
16. Who do you like ?
Everyone already knows, next question please.
17. Are you hungry ánd if so, what for ?
Nope.
18. Whát áre you listening to ?
Dirty Mary – Lady Bouncer
19. Socks ánd sándáls ?
For the love of God, no.
20. Who wás the lást person to go to the movies with you ?
That would either be Kyla or my mother.
21. What is one thing you reálly hope to do this summer ?
I don’t really have any… that’s too far away.
22. Do you like to go mini-golfing ?
Depends on what the course looks like.
23. Are you moving this summer ?
Nope.
24. Are you going to be stárting á new job this summer ?
Probably not, I’m a lazy bitch.
25. Háve you ever bitch slápped someone ?
Yup yup yup.
26. Háve you ever gotten poison ivy ?
Nope.
27. Do you plán on going cámping this summer ?
Maybe?
28. Fávorite pizzá topping ?
Ham and Pineapple.
29. Pánts or shorts ?
Depends on the weather but normally pants.
30. Do you use chápstick ?
When I have some.
31. What's the lást movie you wátched ?
Iron Man 2.
32. Are you currently fighting with ányone ?
Not really…
33. Are you too forgiving ?
For sure.
34. How mány pets do you háve ?
One, a dog named Aura.
35. Own ány clothing from Hot Topic ?
Nope.
36. Whát's your fávorite breákfást food ?
Bacon is the shit.
37. Where wás the lást pláce you drove ?
Home.
38. Where will you be in 24 hours ?
Home, it’s pretty damn late.
39. Whát did you do 2 nights ágo ?
Got really really really fucked up.
40. Lást time you went to á fáncy restáuránt ?
I don’t remember.
41. Lást thing you bought ?
Fuck if I know.
42. Háve you ever been in á foreign country ?
Nope.
43. Anywhere you wánt to go ?
England, or Toronto.
44. Are you thinking of someone right now ?
Yup.
45. Háve you ever thrown something out of á moving cár ?
For sure.
46. Do you wish you were somewhere else?
Not at all. I’mma do me.
47. Would you dáte someone who smoked cigarettes ?
For sure.
48. Are you háppy with your life right now ?
It’s alright, I suppose.
49. What's the last thing you ate ?
Steak.
50. What's the next pláce you háve to go ?
Century Park, tomorrow.
51. How mány hours do you usuálly sleep per night ?
Depends, lately it’s been barely. Insomnia starts kicking in around this time.
52. What's the next importánt dáte on your cálendár ?
For fuck sakes, I don’t know.
54. McDonáld's or Burger King ?
McDicks please.
55. Who lást text messáged you ?
I don’t know.
56. Are you closer to your mother or fáther ?
Depends what you mean by closer, I hate my dad but I am most like him and relate more to him…
57. Do you like to quote things ?
For sure.
58. Are you áfráid of the dárk ?
Nope.
59. Are you afraid of storms?
I love storms.
60. What is the most expensive thing YOU ever bought ?
My mom takes my money after I get it. So, nothing really…

"I love you" means that I accept you for the person that you are,
and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means
that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of
times. It means loving you even when you're in a bad mood, or too
tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're
down, not just when you're fun to be with. "I love you" means that I
know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in
return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough
to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It
means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you
constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.
Wishing I could forever have you to myself..

I'm not mad at you, either of you. I don't hate you, either of you.
Trust me, I knew this would happen. I prepared myself for this before I got too deep, and maybe that's why I'm not angry. But, trust me; since the day I knew you meant something to me I realized I do not to be yours, I do not need you to be mine, I just need to be apart of your life and apart of your world. Because as long as I have that it won't be like last time. I wont be emotionless and motionless, I won't be numb. I'll be alive.
I could spend a million years just being your best friend, no matter what. And I promise you, I'll be here for you. No matter what happens.
Just don't get rid of me, not yet at least...

' Everytime I look for you the sun goes down, and I stumble when this whole thing runs aground. I left another message, you are never around. But everytime I look for you the sun goes down once more '

Hello you,
I hope you know you mean the world too me. More than the world actually. With you, I feel whole, I feel safe, I feel protected. I naturally gravitate towards you. We are bonded.
And even after all those confuzzling feelings you ask me why I'm afraid of happiness.
It's because of all those feelings. The vulnerable posititon it puts me in to want you, to want to be apart of you.
You're just like him, just like the one that tore me to pieces.
You make me feel like I imagine he would've.
Together I feel like we fuse, apart I feel an emptiness and a loss of identity.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is;
Yeah, you are fighting for something, everyday. You're fighting for her, the storm she puts inside of you is like the storm you put inside of me.
But I'm also trying to say, remember you have me too.
They say people don't let go when they're in love.
So I guess I'm not letting go.
I love you. ♥

Today is Day 2 - I must write a letter to my crush.

Dear J,
First off, let us start off with you are freaking gorgeous. And, I like how you're so genuine with me and how even though most of the time you are so foolish when you talk to me you slow down all that and let me see who you are for real. That's a nice feeling y'know. It's so easy for me to tell what you really men. That's a nice feeling to y'know, nothing pisses me off more than being confused. The first night you told me I was smart and beautiful, I was so happy. Though I consider myself to be smart I've never really been able to consider myself beautiful. Thanks for the self esteem boost. I kind of hate how your life is turned upside down by you fucking things up, but that's okay.
My favourite memory of us is when you said you wanted to be with me, you said that I could help keep you out of trouble, and you would protect me from harm and hold me every chance you could. That's a nice feeling too by the way.
All I want is for you to fulfill that promise, I miss you like crazy and I wish you would just talk to me, that would be nice.
I'm so happy I'll soon be yours.
Talk to you later,
Daria ♥