HEY WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK OF THESE?
HEY THEY ARE JOKES SETTLE DOWN!
HEY LADIES:
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us whining about you leaving it down.
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Saturday = Sports
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Check your oil! Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us look. It doesn't hurt anyone, to look. And for us, its genetic.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
We are not mind readers and we never will be.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will believe you.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
4. Shopping is not fascinating.
5. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.
6. Unless the answer is yes.
7. In which case, can he videotape it?
8. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
9. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
10. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
11. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
12. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
13. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
14. He heard you the first time.
0015. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around a little.
16. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to.
17. Of COURSE he wants another beer.
18. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
19. Dogs good. Cats bad.
20. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
5 reasons why computers must be female
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
4. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.