Thanks -ludwig for showing this to me. I love you.

"G-Ganondorf!"

"That's right, shit-mongrel," the deep, resonate voice of Ganon boomed against the wooden walls of Links once fashionably comfy home. Lightening cracked softly in the background, rumbling with Ganon's voice while he paced toward Link's bed like a powerhouse of beef and sexy; his mighty naked penis vieny, erect, and waving between his legs as he walked. "My penis has been hungry for your delicious buttermilk biscuit ass for quite some time, now."

Link felt a shiver rush down his spine. A flood of words poured into his brain, his lips quivered with the intention to speak, but words failed to suffice; there were no words to describe the absolute dread, shock, horror, and fear he had pulsating through his blood upon Ganon's ever-so-eloquent proposition. However, in the back of Link's mind, there was a hot tingling sensation that threatened to delve into a secret part of his brain which was linked (no pun intended!) to his deepest homosexual desires.

.. But for the most part, Link was scared shitless as Ganon approached him like a lion hunting for anus to rape.

Just as Ganon was kneeling on the end of Link's bed, the Hylian spoke, his voice riddled with panic and with the obvious intention of stalling the other man, who's penis was staring him in the face, threatening to coat his innocence with its thick, chunky semen of evil.

"But--Ganon! How did you escape from the seal the sages put on you!" Link asked, pressing his back against the head board as Ganon pursued him. His breath was still, ready to sigh as he saw Ganon pause and his "hungry for butthole" expression twist to that of a man who seemed tired, as though he had been asked to repeat something for the umph-teenth time.

"I had a friend pick me up in his Calberlier. He knew one of the sages. Impa, I think. They were old college buddies--did a lot of pot together, shit like that." Link nodded along as if he had personal experience with Ganon and his friend's academic antics, "Anyways, he came by, picked me up, brought me back here. Have been hungry for your butthole ever since."

Link had been nodding along again until he heard Ganon's "hungry for your butthole" statement, which brought his head to a jarring halt. The former expression of fear he had on his face overwhelmed it once more while Ganon propped himself on Link's bed, who seemed quite intent on fulfilling his starving penis's desire to fish through the Hylian's butthole like a spatula scraping the walls of a bowl full of dough.

Before Link could think to protest against this calamitous vivacity, however, he found that his sheets had been yanked from his grip and carelessly tossed aside by the vicious Ganondorf. With a soft "fwump", they spilled on the floor with Link's eyes trailing every inch of the beautiful fabric as it hit the ground, collecting microfibers of dirt and dust from the hardwood carpentry. He could feel his gut sink in distress; he would have to wash those sheets after this whole fiasco was done and over with.

Link's attention was soon brought to the wide-eyed expression that had now taken place on Ganondorf's face. He was looking at something on his own body, but Link couldn't figure out just what.

"What the.. Fuck?" Ganon said, pointing to Link's lap, "Spandex?" one of his fiery, bushy eyebrows rose questionably to the tight green display of crotch fashion the hero chose to wear. "What are you, gay?"

Link flushed and narrowed his own blonde brows, clearly offended by this insinuation. "What? They're comfortable and easy to maneuver in!"

"Yeah, maybe if you're a fairy, frolicking in fields like a queer-ass faggot who's ass is about to get raped by a penis twice the size of your face."

"Well! Had I known I was going to be RAPED tonight, I would've worn something more appropriate for the occasion!" Link huffed, crossing his arms. The room was silent besides the delicate tapping of rain against the rooftop; all seemed normal until the Hylian felt the waistband of his previous spandex snap in two.

He squirmed, "HEY!" Link looked between his legs to see Ganon tearing off the remains of his once cute, goucchi undergarments and discard them to the floor as he did with his sheets. He then watched Ganon advance his long, sausage-like fingers to his delicate nether-regions; it was like watching a bull rape another bull in a room full of crystal, glass, and precious china. Link trembled at the thought. 'He's going to break my penis like a penis made of glass.'

Anticipating the searing pain of his wonder shaft breaking in half, Link was instead taken aback by the smooth, gentle sensation of Ganon's fingers gingerly caressing his balls. It was delightfully refreshing, abiet surprising to the Hylian that this monster could be so incredibly tender.

He sighed, relieved that his penis was safe and in-tact. Now all that Link was concerned about was where these turn of events would lead--besides sexual arousal, that is, which Link was already in the middle of experiencing.

Though he could not size up to the sheer length, volume, and size of Ganon's massive (erect) penis, Link could honestly say that this was the biggest he had seen his shaft grow through the stimulation of another man. Ganon seemed surprised, too; delighted, even! A wicked grin spread across his sickly vomit-green lips as he continued to tickle and tease Link's scrotum. Link, all the meanwhile, had closed his eyes and allowed his body to relax on the bed, letting the evil-doer take him on a magical pony ride to ecstasy.

Little did Link know HIS magical pony ride to ecstasy was not what Ganon had in store for him! Oh, Heaven's, no! Ganondorf's only concern was riding his OWN pony to ecstasy--Link present, or not!

He worked vigorously on Link's pleasure for the moment, however, so that when he surprised him by jamming his penis into his tight butthole, it would be all the more... Well, surprising.

In the meantime, Ganon stroked, tickled, fondled, measured, played yhatzee with, talked to, suckled, licked, slobbered on, and sucked on Link's now throbbing red member. Drawing his attention away from Link's penis for a moment, Ganon examined the Hylian's face, which was twisted in an expression that of one approaching ecstasy.

Link's breath was heavy, hot, and doing that cute little whimpery thing as it left his lips that were parted in a manner strangely resembling that of a vagina. Sweat was beading on his face. His blonde hair was matted to his cheeks, temples, forehead in a disheveled mess. His ears remained pointy throughout the 5-minute duration of Ganon's nut-teasing session.

Truly, Link was feeling what could only be described as ecstasy.

'You will be taken to hell and back soon enough, Shithole McGee,' Ganon thought, a malicious, kaniving, bastardly look racing across his hamburger-like face. He removed his hands, lips, and any other miscellaneous appendage that may have been surrounding the Hylian cock; Link's body quenched, yearning for more.
"Oh.. Ganon.. Why did you stop?" he moaned after his nut-region had been left idle. He felt his legs being parted, almost in response to his question, and Link sighed lightheartedly. He anticipated feeling the sweet, tender sensation of Ganon's warm, dry lips sucking his penis like a baby to a nipple...

...But was instead greeted by a sudden jolt of pain as Ganon rammed his mighty penis into his ass like that bull analogy that was mentioned before, somewhere.. Only without the penis breaking.

Screaming, Link tried to writhe in pain on the bed, but found that his girly hips were immobile, due to Ganon restraining them with those damned meat-house hands of his. He tried to clench to the bed, but without his sheets present, there was nothing for his fingers to clutch but the slippery satin fabric of his mattress; tears began seeping from his eyes with visuals of his sheets on the floor, getting all the dirtier swirled in his brain.

Ganon laughed, pleased by Link's demise. "So! How does it FEEL? How does it FEEL to take COCK in the ASS, EH HERO OF TIME?"

Link choked desperately for breath, trying to respond without sobbing uncontrollably like a pussy.

"It--AHHH! IT SUCKS!"

Booming with laughter again, Ganon thrust his hips hard into Link; the Hylian screamed like a girl being kicked in the face by a kid on a swing set.

"GOOD! I have every intention of making this COCK and ASS action suck to NEW LEVELS of SUCK-TASTIC EXTREMITIES, THAT--" he stopped then, interrupted by his own moans as the delightful squip of his penis scraping the walls of Link's poop-cavity stimulated his nuts in a way that had never been stimulated before.

All the while, the Hylian was not pleased. He felt full. He felt hot. He felt sticky. He could feel crusty remains of his fecal matter being pushed back into his colon by the tortoise head of Ganon's blahdy blah blah, moving on.

The pain of Ganon's incessant dick-whipping was only intensified as the Garudo took a hold of Links legs, and began straddling them up and over his toasty bronze shoulders.

"AHHHHHH!" noticeable Link screamed, the hellish cock party in his anus becoming all the more noticeable. "FUCKING FUCK! TIME OUT, TIME OUUUUT!"

"Shut up, cock-squad!" Ganon boomed, removing one hand from Link's legs for a moment to clock him in the jaw. The Hylian yelped. "You're going to LAY there and take this shit like the little bitch that you are, you got it?"

Spitting out a tooth, Link nodded, and allowed the festival of dickery to continue in his burning shithole. He tried not to concentrate on the butt torture being bestowed upon his dainty pearls, but it was hard when he considered that there was not much else to pay attention to, since the evening had pretty much went straight to shit; his undies, his sheets, his candles...

The candles were the only plus of the night, as their combined tangy scent of snot and pussy managed to cover up the putrid stench of old flesh and sweaty penis. Link sighed and took a mental note to go out and buy more candles after his sheets had been washed.

"Oooh yeah, that's the stuff! Your ass is sweaty and hot like butter being smeared ON MY PENIS." Ganon said after a rouse of intense buttfucking. He could feel in the depths of his nut regions, the tingly sensation of 1000+ sperm cells desperately ramming the walls of his urethra in an attempt to escape, and perhaps enjoy a swim in the deepest nook of Link's rectum.

Link must've known Ganon's climax was approaching. He could've sworn the evil doers penis was growing even more massive in size and bulk, as his anus now felt like spandex trying to fit around the cellulite-ridden thighs of a fat woman after eating a tub of lard.

Wincing, he tried hard not to think about what Ganon shooting his gargantuant load of man-mayonnaise into his poop canal was going to feel like; the wretched sensation of his rectal walls being squipped along with each thrust the Garudo made into him was bad enough. With a scream half withdrawn from his lips, Link scrunched his face together in an attempt to concentrate on.. Something else.

'Candy.. Delicious candy...'

His thoughts did not comfort him for long--not even those of succulent chocolate turtles decadently being crammed into his mouth by his sweet, sweet, presumed heterosexual lover, Zelda. The flabbergasting pain of Ganon's fiery dick was much too... Uh, shit, what's another word for "intense"?

... Whatever. INTENSE for the Hylian to keep a clear thought. He screamed and shouted and yelled and called and went "WEEEOOOEEEOOOEEEOOO" like the sound gay European sirens make as he felt the warm, chunky release of the Cock Master's nut cream squirt into his anus like a fire hose putting out an inferno.

Link recoiled on the bed, tense and stiff. Ganon laughed with wicked pleasure. Thunder boomed outside. A dog barked lone on the wet, cold, and uncaring streets of Hyrule. Kittens romped in a cardboard box in Malon's home. A tea kettle whistled loudly from the kitchen of.. some guy's home.

SEMEN WAS DISCHARGED BY GANON'S PENIS INTO LINK'S FUDGE FACTORY.

It seemed to be a never-ending flow of pleasure juice; Link could feel his butthole beginning to overflow with Ganon's man-milk, the Garudo none the wiser. He let his penis juice fill the concave void in Link's body as though he were injecting butter into a roast turkey with a baster until he felt his nuts shrivel. They were becoming empty and unable to release any more of his tadpole army.

With a beefy sounding grunt, whatever that may sound like, Ganon retracted his baby-making-cane and wiped his perspiring forehead with the back of his palm. "Whew!" he sighed, "That was a BLAST, wasn't it?" he asked this question with such frankness, it was as if he were expecting Link to respond in a manner similar to one as though they were conversing about the weather over a cup of tea.

"Uoouugh.. wha?" the Hylian moaned, clenching his swollen butt cheeks together. He winced when he felt that the skin around his tiny, gaping anus burned like it was on fire--it must've been redder than a radish, also.

"The buttsex. It was invigoratingwasn't it?"

Sighing, Link responded, "Sure. Invigorating."

Ganon grinned coyly, much like a Grinch if he had just recently stolen Christmas. "Yes, well, I don't know about you, but I found this whole experience to be quite satisfying!"

"YEAH. I GET IT. THE RAPE WAS GOOD FOR YOU."

The Gerudo seemed displeased by Link's lack of enthusiasm; shocked, even, that the hylian responded in such a caustic manner like some Hissy McBitchpants in a shitty romantic comedy. With an sudden, angry furrow of his brow, Ganon jarred his head in a direction not facing Link, crossed his arms under his rippling man-teets, and pouted like a child who pouts a lot for the sake of this simile.

Link, taken by surprise by this sudden pussy display by a man of shit-bricks and canons, tried to sit up on his bed as to get a better look at his forced anal lover. Though his attempt to shift his weight was in vain--Link couldn't even move his legs without his ass feeling like it was underneath the fire of a thousand suns.

And he swore to God his pelvis was broken.

But aside from his inability to mobilize even in the tiniest fashion, the elven Hylian found himself suddenly overwhelmed with compassion for the monster of jaundice who had stolen his gay virginity and swirled his massive gangrene cock in it FOR HOURS. Links heart sunk and pitta-pattered in his man-bosom which perspired much like a hot elephant in an African desert covered in gallons of Crisco. For once in his meager life, Link knew what it felt like to love despite all odds—even if those odds happened to be a gargantuant meat-house of hair and beef that had just recently raped him wildly in the ass.

“Ganon, I...” Link began to speak softly, but his effort was in vain. Ganon stood at the foot of Link's bed, his face cupped in his raw, clammy hands, and the Geurudo sobbed wildly like a newly castrated dog. A newly castrated dog that had just been rejected by the man-bitch he so forcibly fucked. IN THE ASS.

“Don't talk to me! Just shut up!” Ganon cried, his once bold voice cracking underneath the overwhelming tone of pussy that threatened his pride like a sea of vagina. “I can't be with someone who doesn't understand me, who doesn't love me the way I love them...”

Link took a moment to ponder this conjecture; Love you... Like a child molester loves underage genitals? Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, Link's head was spinning and the narrator was running out of humorous writing material. But in a sudden emotional explosion of rage, gay, and plot convenience, Link finally found the strength to stand and console his beefy lover.

“Oh, Ganon!” The Hylian weeped and tried to wrap his girly arms around his lovah, “You've got it all wrong! I love you so much, ever since you burst into my room and took advantage of me, and...” OH GOD THIS IS GOING ON FOREVER

GANON was relieved for the sake of moving this story along, and he fell feverishly upon Link like a ton of gay bricks. The two sobbed; Link out of pain as Ganon was crushing him under his porky weight, and Ganon out of love and relief and general character bastardization. The two held each other homosexually, their waxy bodies melded into one mold of disgusting sodomy, and once again, they made raunchy love.

The storm outside seemed to die down as the night went on, with Ganon and Link engaging in what can only be described as “bijorkk”. As morning dawned, a new day christened their new love in which they found in each other; the special kind of love that can only be shared between a rapist and his victim.

A lawsuit. Which was carried out over the following week, resulting in Ganon getting his head removed via the guillotine.

And Hyrule (and Link's anus) lived happily ever after.

PICTURE RELATED:


I made that. I'm proud.

I love finding songs that were CLEARLY written about SNES.

"Love Song" by The Cure. CLEARLY about SNES.

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again.
(Talking about how it makes you feel centered when you play SNES)
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again
(Talking about the warm fuzzy feeling you get from play SNES)
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again
(Talking about how it makes you remember your youth)
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again
(Talking about how SNES will always be so much fun)

However far away I will always love you
(No matter where I go, I'll always love SNES)
However long I stay I will always love you
(No matter even if it's at Med. College..I'll come back..)
Whatever words I say I will always love you
(Even if I say I hate you cause I can't beat Toy Story ..)
I will always love you

Another one. "Something About Us" by Daft Punk.

This might not be the right time
because I'm busy playing Chrono Trigger
and I might not be the right one
because so many people out there love you so much
but there's something about us I want to say.
...I love you so much..oh man..
..cause there's something between us anyway
That time we played Super Mario 3 for 10 hours straight..oh man..sparks..

I might not be the right one
because so many people out there love you so much
It might not be the right time
because I'm busy playing F-Zero
but there's something about us I've got to do.
We have to beat Gradius III tonight..
Some kind of secret I will share with you:
..here it goes...

I need you more than anything in my life.
Food and water are second place
I want you more than anything in my life.
Screw friends, a job, and showering..
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life.
Grandma, Grandpa and pets don't compare..
I love you more than anyone in my life.
Friends and parents don't stack up (TETRIS JOKE!)