[/font]

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?[/center][/font][/color][/size]

Stef
You are my ultimate best friend. I love you so freaking much. You are always there when i need to talk. And your a ton of fun. I just hope after grad we'll still chill and everything. Because thats what best friends do. Too bad we don't go to the same school anymore but we'll always be friends. i love you chicky!!! xoxoxo
Saige[/font][/size]
You are pretty much my sister. Well we were almost sisters techincally til stupid things happend. but still your my sister in my heart. Like I said before next summer will be the summer of our lives. lol I really wish that we lived closer and everything worked out to our advantages then maybe things would be better. I love you more than i could ever love my real sisters. xoxoxo
Gina
Bum sex. You are always so fun to be around. Never a dull moment with you. Your about as energenic as me or more. You are so awesome and i am so glad we worked together for those two weeks. And i am glad we became friends instantly. and put into the same group and shit with both cuties from Japan. lol I miss our good times and i miss you. See you in bball season if not earlier. xoxoxo
Natasha
Girlie you are so awesome its beyond words. I love how there is someone who talks more than me. lol and listens to awesome music. Good times with you going to subway and DQ and everything. I am going to miss you so much. And i am sure we'll chill sometime this summer hopefully. Love ya so much!!! xoxoxo[/size][/color]

[/font][/size]

don't even think it janelle...
you don't want anymore drama in your life.
you went through this before.
you promised yourself you are not going to hurt yourself with this again
but what do i do?
now i know what he feels like.
i am so scared.
i don't know.
something is wrong with me and i don't know what it is.

well first off i must say you haven't changed a bit.
you still look like you did in grade 1.
haha we went to watch my cousin's hockey game
and we just got to really know each other.
i miss him. haha we need to do it again.
lol mr. laurie and his little barbie lip gloss of a cell phone.
you make me laugh.
and choco cherry love blizzards are now pretty much my favorite.
what else... oh yes you are anti-rise against jeez man.
and we visited our old school and went to your dad's house.
but god i missed you lots! i had so much fun.
we need to definately do that again.
haha me and my meaness calling ppl names in french when they don't know what i am saying.

baisez mes insécurités.
baisez mes peurs.
baisez la vie je suis vivant.
baisez la vie je suis feindre

[/size][/font]

i miss you/miss you so bad/i don't forget you/oh it's so sad
i hope you can hear me/cuz i remember it clearly.
the day you slipped away/was the day i found it won't be the same/ohhh
nana/nananana
i didn't get around to kiss you/good bye on the hand
i wish that i could see you again/i know that i can't/ohhh
i hope you can hear me/cuz i remember it clearly
the day you slipped away/was the day i found it won't be the same/ohhh
i had my wake-up/won't you wake-up/i keep asking why
and i can't take it/it wasn't fake it/it happend you past by
now your gone/now your gone
now you go/now you go
somewhere i can't bring you back
now your gone/now your gone
now you go/now you go
somewhere your not coming back
the day you slipped away/was the day i found it won't be the same ohhh
the day you slipped away/was the day i found it won't be the same ohhh
nana/nanananana
i miss you...

[/color][/size][/right]

boys are like kiwis
they are hairy on the outside
and sweet on the inside.
~catherine

Life is like a watermelon, its really good
but then you are stuck with its little seeds.
~janelle

[/font]
[/font]

Life is like a pineapple
hard on the outside
and good on the inside.
~catherine[/font][/size]

So fed up of figuring
So sick of the distancing
The caring
I don't know what i am doing!
My greatest fantasies are what i am thinking
They never come true so now I am hurting
All I have done is crying
So tired of trying
Cause it's like I am always failing
Life is so draining
Everyone tells me to keep praying
But it's like God can't hear what I am saying
My life is so confusing
I wish i was dreaming
Instead of just drinking
My actions are all that i am hating
There are only a few things I am loving
And the rest are just frustrating
I'm sitting on my ass wondering
Is love the only reason i am living?
Without him I am nothing
Stressing stuff that shouldn't be worth stressing
All i can feel is sharp things cutting
Tears that are streaming
And my heart that is tearing
I'm in the middle of something complicating
I feel his love for me weakening
No longer feel his staring
All there is is constant glaring
I told you i never liked the idea of cheating
You told me you never did the breaking
And so i'm still here sipping
Can't shake this feeling
I'm tired of you ignoring
And now all i am to you is boring
Yes i am tired of your lying
There's nothing more i am buying
To you i am annoying
Deep inside i am dying
It was you i was searching
My love to you id what i am offering
Give me another chance of starting
Or just tell to leave if thats what your wanting
Wr'll both be regretting
Not just this incident, but everything.



Why is it that life is so hard?
I can do so much but i feel so barred.
I feel like my best isn't good enough,
I can never do anything right,
It's almost like i live my life in fright.
And at this time I want to cry,
Who knows I might just want to die.
I am doing my very best,
But it's just nothing but a fighting fest.
I want to be alone,
I believe the tension in this family have grown.
He tries to find a flaw in me,
I am trapped unable to be set free.
I look around and all i feel is pain,
As i feel the tears fall down like rain.
Why can't i be the person everyone wanted me to be?
I'm only human but no one can see.
I want to do what i did in January,
I look at the scars and think it was scary.
I want to go in a corner and stay away,
Maybe someone won't pull at my fray.
Until the day i am gone from here,
My life will not get anymore clear.

What if i didn't cut last January...
would things be different?

What if i didn't drink last July...
Would i act the same as i do now?

What if i never loved him...
Would i ever be really happy?

What if i did try and run away...
Would my family still hate me?

What if i didn't date him...
Would i still have my phone?

What if i didn't kiss him...
Would he still think i cheated on him?

What if i didn't believe in God...
Would i die and go to hell?

What if i never met you...
Would i be forever alone?



I don't know what he thinks,
Already small to him I start to shrink.
Could he be jealous?
Maybe he's afraid that he'll lose us.
I am hurt by his words,
His lack of appreciation is like birds.
They attack me, but aim for my heart,
But one words hurts and it begins to start.
the stinging nose, the aching head, the sore throat is my pain,
But he'll use my emotions for his gain.
He wants me here all the time,
With no time left to be mine.
It's obvious that i have been crying,
But right now I am sick of his prying.
I've thought about this night since June,
But who knew my night would be ruined so soon.

I only wanted you to feel,
How I thought you deserved to feel.
The way you always said you wanted to./
You wanted all we have to be real,
And every word we say to be true.
Still after all I gave it's not enough for you./
Well, I can't give any more,
So now I'm giving up.
'Cause nothing's ever good enough.
And the more I try to pour,
The less I fill your cup.
'Cause nothing's ever good enough./
I only wanted you to see,
That you can be who you wanted to be.
And fill the lonely void inside of you./
I gave you everything that you need,
Did what you always wanted to do.
Still after all I've done I can't get through./
Well, I can't give any more,
So now I'm giving up.
'Cause nothing's ever good enough.
And the more I try to pour,
The less I fill your cup.
'Cause nothing's ever good enough./
Good enough!/
I've wasted my time!
Go find someone else!/
Good enough!/
Well, I can't give any more,
So now I'm giving up.
'Cause nothing's ever good enough.
And the more I try to pour,
The less I fill your cup.
'Cause nothing's ever good enough./
Enough, enough, enough

Good gawd....
Look at these past 3 months....

December:
First off i was dating Scott. Perfectly good guy. Did nothing wrong. Thennnn we missed our 6 months, because we didn't say where we were going to be. AND HE DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING CELL! Then later on New Years he said i was cheating on him. So we had a drunken fight. And ya ended it on New Years Eve.

January:
Took a 2 week break and then Cody asked me out. Was a hell of a nightmare. I kinda don't know what i was thinking. I was living in fear and wanted scott back more than anything. THENNNNN i met Ote. And that changed things.

February:
Still went out with Cody again still scared as fuck. Ote pops into my life and sooner than you know it we were cheating and then dating and then wanting to marry and then dumping our people. MEANING I FUCKING DUMPED CODY FOR HIS BEST FRIEND! YOUR DAMN RIGHT I DID AND FUCKING PROUD OF IT TOO!!!!!!

And now look where its gotten me. Scary dreams and a broken heart. And Cody pissed at me. Fuck my life is sooooo fucking dandy. Believe me.

tired of shit being said about me
tired of being so tired all the time
tired of being tossed around like a toy
tired of feeling so alone
tired of feeling empty
tired of living the goody goody life
tired of dreaming you were mine
tired of being told to do something i don't want to do
tired of wishing everything was okay
tired of crying myself to sleep[/size][/color][/i]