the loneliest I’ve ever been was not when i was
by myself, it was when i was in the same room as the one i love more
than anything and knowing that he doesn't love me back. everyone always
says "you never know for sure." but when you take a good look in his
eyes, and you can't see yourself in them anymore, you know he's let you
go. he doesn't have to tell you, no one does. you know what you mean to him..
you just know. it's so hard to sit around and wait for something you know
will never happen, but it's even harder to let go of that dream when you
know it's everything you've ever wanted. I know I shouldn't love
you,because there's no point. why should i love you, when you don't love
me? so i convince myself i don't. but then I’ll see you and it makes me
rethink every excuse i used to convince myself to forget you. it's like
every time i feel that it's alright to let go, that I’d be okay with you,
i just go giving myself another reason why i shouldn't. i keep telling
myself, "it's alright, you'll be fine. the other girls can have him, i don't
want him," even though i know there is nothing i need more in the world
than him. i know we don't talk anymore. we even walk right by each other
without a word. but it's times like those, whenever we make eye contact
in that way, that i miss you the most. but i guess I’m getting better
without you. love has no age limits. love isn't love. love is a
kind of hurt. it messes with your mind, fucks you up. you build up a wall
around your a heart, a fence to hold your self-control in.
but then one person, who is no different than any other person, walks
into your life and that's it. You give everything to them. love takes
prisoners. love is a hurt. it's not just imaginary. it's a real hurt. it's that
kind of, real, gets-inside-you-rips-your-heart-tears-you-apart kind of hurt.
it's so outrageous. just when you think that you've lost everything, that
there's nothing left to lose, you lose a little more. i can't talk to you
anymore. i've said it before, i know. but this time, i really can't. because
every time i talk to you, i start to think about us. and every time i start to
think about us, i think i can never have you. and every time i think i can't
have you, I think about how I screwed up, about how I wasn’t good enough.
i miss you. and when i miss you, my heart breaks. and
there's nothing i can do to make it stop hurting.. except talk to you.
i should've known you weren't for me. i should've been able to tell through
all those uncomfortable silences. i guess that's when you know you've
found someone really special. when you can just shut the fuck up for one
minute and share one beautiful, completely comfortable silence
together."just friends." Those are the two words that kill me.
we were always “just friends”. every girl was always “just a friend”,
but at one point, we were all “just friends” wishing to be more.
I know ill never be able to let go of the feelings I have,
but I’ve got to let go of you.
