Work It Harder, Make It Better, Do It Faster, Makes Us Stronger
-Daft Punk Harder,Better,Faster,Stronger
I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
-Tyler Durden
A condom is the glass slipper for our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.
-Fight Club
With the right drapes, the right paints ,the right frames, this could really work
-AOF Happiness By The Kilowatt
That'll Buff Right Out
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
-Mitch Hedberg
One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son of a bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera!"
-Mitch Hedberg
Monopoly, theres another little game. We had Monopoly, everybody had it.No one like it, even if you thinked you liked the game you didn't. And it's simple why, ok. Cause this is anyone here 2 and a half hours into a game of Monopoly, ready?... "FUCK THIS GAME! It's 4 in the morning grandma, YOU WIN! I'm sittin on Baltic with crap! I'm paying luxury tax out the ass! And I hate when your the banker, where did you get the pink 50's you cheating whore! Don't fucking touch me grandpa, NANA is a cheating whore!
-Dane Cook
I'm always all over the place, you know, you get these people that are like "Here, I was talking to her on monday - was it tuesday? - was it thurs-?" "WHO CARES! JUST TELL ME WHAT THEY FUCKING SAID!" I hate them fuckers! They say stuff like "Feels like a tuesday, does it feel like a tuesday? Yeah, feels like a tuesday." I don't know! How the fuck does tuesday feel?
-Lee Evans
* I like a cold because I get to do my favorite drug, which is NyQuil. I love that stuff. What do the rest of you use? Robitussin? Robitussin, why do you bother? Non-narcotic sissy pansy bullshit! NyQuil's the best thing I've ever read on a medicine package, '180 Proof.' It's the moonshine of medicine. You can buy it on a holiday! When I got a cold, I want something that's gonna fuck me up! Cause that way the blur seems interesting.NyQuil comes in two colors, red and green. It's the only thing on the planet that tastes like...red and green. And red and green are what? Christmas colors! That's right, NyQuil makes a dandy eggnog. Oh yeah, my friends bitched through the whole party, 'This tastes like shit!' But at the end of it, we had a fun sleepover.
-Lewis Black
Somebody gonna getta hurt real bad...
-Russel Peters