It's Christmas, 2011.

It's been years since I've been on here.
It feels like a life time.

As I read back and try to remember,
I feel a sense of unease.
I don't know why I did those things,
I don't know why I felt so angry.

I'm at work, here at the Deerfoot Inn & Casino.
I had dinner/appetizers's at Tyler's Aunt's house last night.
It was fantastic, I felt completely welcomed,
I felt at home.

But home is where my mom is,
I feel like I've left her behind,
I feel so guilty, so ungrateful.
But I also feel lost,
I feetl angry at ther for no reason,
And I resent her for being so innocent.

Is that who I am?
Am I really that kind of a monster?
Does it make me happier to hurt her,
As opposed to help her?

I read back on all my entries about Mitch,
I can't help but cringe.
It was young love, it was naive love.
At the time it felt like there was nothing more,
It felt like he was all I had.

I lost myself in him.
Until I found Tyler.