13 Reasons to Date a Hockey Player
1. they always wear protection
2. they have great hands
3. there used to scoring
4. they have great stamina
5. they find the opening and get it in
6. they never miss the target
7. they know how to use there wood
8. they have long sticks
9. they Know when to play rough
10. they can go for 60 minutes
11. We know multiple positions.
12. We push till it hurts.
13. We GET ER' DONE
10 reasons to date a football player
1) we alwyas hit hard
2) we like to play in the mud
3) we dont give up until the jobs done
4) we have good hands
5) we never miss our targets
6) were used to scoring
7) we find the whole and get in it
8 we know when to get rough
9) we always have stamina
10) we always have protection on
"There are two types of forwards. Scorers and bangers. Scorers score and bangers bang."
Heres to all you fuckin hockey players out there:
The cockiest, dirtiest, most irresponsible group of athletes in the world. Will do anything just to be able to tell his teammates
a great story in the dressing room. Live the dream until they are 35 then realize they never made it. You lace up the skates, put on the gloves, strap on the helmet, and walk on to the ice and nothing else matters. It
doesn't matter that you failed a test, your girl is being a bitch, or that you got a ticket on the way there...you're world is
absolutely perfect for the next couple hours. Here's to faceoffs, goals, assists, overtime, living on the road, cold rinks, early mornings, breakaways, going top cheese, countless hours of practice, bag skates, puking, thousands of dollars, dangling d-men, end to end rushes, big hits, broken twigs, new skates, packing bombs, dropping the mits, wheelin' broads, coaches, adding the letter "y" to the end of everyone's last name, the word "fuck", pick up, tape to tape sauce, let downs, miracles and most of all - the game of Hockey. Why? Why do we skate back and forth night after night? Skating so hard we throw up. Skating so hard your heart beat rings in your head, while your lungs are grasping for air.
Late nights, early mornings, Friday nights, Saturday evenings, broken bones, torn muscles and deep bruises. We skate through it all. Because we live off our adrenaline, because the game frees your spirit, because the party in the locker room is second to none, because you're invincible once you step on the ice, because one shot can make you smile all night, sniping the twine, backy shelf where momma keeps the peanut butter, the rattling of the boards, the feel of the puck, and skates carving into the ice is a rhythm to live by, because its possible to skate fast enough to leave all your worries behind. Sweat is the cologne of our accomplishment. Why?
Why would someone push themselves so hard the uneducated pussies always ask? HOUSE LEAGUE, A, AA, AAA, JR.A, OHL, WHL, US COLLEGE, NHL ... It's never been for the fucking money, it's not for the girls, and it's not for the fame...We Boy's play because we FUCKING LOVE IT...
If you are a hockey player and you are proud to be one, pass this
shit on with pride mother fucker, and let everyone know the definition of man.
After sitting at home all afternoon we decided to go out and get some RJ Umbergers and have some Eric Brewers. One thing led to another and we ended up also having some Jaromir Jagr Bombs. At this point I couldn’t see too Daniel Cleary but I noticed a broad out on the dance floor wearing a real short Guillaume Latendresse. After dancing for awhile she told me she wanted to take me home to her house in Jason Pominville. This chick definitely had more Doug Weight than I did but I’m a sucker for Andrew Brunettes. I had too many Daniel Brieres to realize she was Rico Fata so I went home with her, I mean it happens to the best of us. She was pretty Ben Eager and went for my Evgeni Nabokov right away. She was Chris Osgood at handling my John Pohl and even played with my Joe Sakic. After she was done Ales Kotalik’ing my Mike Johnson I could tell she was gonna Maxime Ouellet me Darcy Tucker. I still wasn’t ready so I decided to Cincinnati Randy Robitaille her first. I tried to Rhett Warrener her that I was close but it was too late. “Don’t Thomas Vanek,” I said, “I’ll be ready to go in 5 minutes.” I decided to Eric Staal and went to her bathroom to take an Alexei Zhitnik. When I came back she was naked and I realized that she didn’t Peter Schaefer since she was pretty Jason Woolley below the belt. There was not a chance I was going Aaron Downey on her so instead I Keith Tkachuk’ed her on the bed. I got her on her Nikolas Backstrom, and Radek Bonk’ed her. I could tell that she really liked it Lindy Ruff. She wanted to have sex Jarome Iginla and I told her “You have to be Olli Jokinen, I’m way too tired, there is no way I can give you any Steve Moore.” This chick was crazy and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she asked me to Glen Murray her, I needed to get Tomas Holmstrom. I waited for her to fall asleep and then I was Sergei Gonchar. It was a god damn Marc-Andre Fleury outside and there was at least 3 inches of Garth Snow. I was Jeff Friesen so I decided to call a Tomas Kaberle. When I woke up the next morning I realized I had a Dan Boyle on my Kyle Wellwood, everytime I took a piss there was a Patrick Sharp pain. Guess I should’ve worn a Tie Domi. Needless to say I never Kyle Calder, you can Billy Guerin that.
If beer hasnt touched your lips, if u havent packed a dip, or dropped the mitts,
chances are your not a hockey player, and if you are your not a good one.
-- Todd Bertuzzi
I CAN SKATE, SHOOT AND SCRAP.
I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MY TEAMATES
GIRLS LOVE ME, GUYS WANNA BE ME
I AM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE
I AM A HOCKEY PLAYER
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