Oh, but I've gotten so good at rearranging my feelings. I'm sure I'll get over it.
I only fall in love with men in books.
I had a great weekend overall, but now I feel terrible. The bad things were bad. I know where everyone is coming from and I understand all perspectives, but I have more than a right to feel the way I do. I want to be done with everything and just find a new start. The only person I could relate to or talk to at this moment is probably one person I let slip away and there's no way I could get them back. With their new priorities and how great their life seems to be going, I'm not going to butt in and bring painful emotions back with a simple message. It would be too selfish for my own needs.
I hate highschool. Everyone just has different focusses and their own friend groups than I do and I don't want to be there anymore. I'm finished with it.
I really need to clean up my life. First thing I'm going to do is finish up my last part of school and then decide what I want to do. I have decided that I want to go to Ireland. That part I'm going to try really hard to follow through with. I'm going to find a job and a place to stay and go out on my own.
With the situation in my life that is constantly on every girls mind, I think it's time for a change. It's just really not working out, and this is the most uncompatable, uncaring "situation" I've ever been in. Things are being said but not done, nevermind words spoken are a scarce few and harldy enough to even base a friendship on. I think I need to stop making my own excuses, I just wish I had support or even an ear instead of critisizing whenever I try to talk about it. This isn't coming from everyone, I just take what people say to heart. I need to learn to trust my own opinion.
I'm not even sad, I'm just tired and in need of a change.
I feel so sick right now. I don't know if it's cause of my already general sickness, such as strep throat, or cause I have been sleeping so badly. It could be from stressing myself out and my emotional state of everything. Perhaps all of the above!
I don't know what to think about all of this. People keep telling me to just end this since it seems to mean hardly anything to me, but I'm not so sure. It does obvious mean something to me or it wouldn't be in my life. But god, give me something.
I'm not myself around you and I'm starting to miss basic friendship, which this doesn't even feel like.
I am once again spending my day inside sick. It's raining and cold outside with nothing to do. What am I doing? Why, I am watching Potter Pupper Pals, spilling soup all over the floor, yelling at my cat, and praying I don't have to go in to work later.
Mmmm ginger ale.
Baby you're the only light I ever saw.
Heart beating out of control. I'm so confused. I don't understand. Why am I overthinking everything? Thinking of the past, what it means, will it mean anything anymore? I'm more than done, so LET IT GO.
Why can't I just let it be? I'm in emotional turmoil. And what the fuck is even the present? It's nothing. It's just some in between faze that I can't comprehend and I don't want to. I don't like this. This isn't who I am, so why am I trying? Take out emotions and I'll do just fine. The future is impossible to see. Either it will work or it won't. Stop thinking!
This is too different. I can't comprehend.
Thinking way back. What have I done? I was so stupid. And selfish. I don't want to be told what I had done, I'm perfecting aware. The world moves on but I'm stuck in the machinery.
I think I have officially just lost my mind.
Now you've REALLY fucked up.
It's easier to hurt without pride.
He says don't think don't talk
Don't think
Don't think don't talk
Don't think
Don't think don't talk
But I don't think I want to
'Cause you give me the electric twist and it kicks and it kicks like a pony
And true, you might run away with it, it's a risk it's a risk yeah
Because it kicks yeah
It really kicks yeah
Isn't it great when you find something that you are sure was meant for you?
