Not good. Not happy. Not me.

This is all way too intense for me...

Nightmares go die!

"Hey Chelsea. Have you broken up with your crazy boyfriend yet?"

No I havent. Besides, how do you even know about that? I've talked to you three times in my life! My sister needs to shut her mouth about personal shit. And my mother too! I dont want all of work knowing about my personal shit!

I'm kind of scared.
I'm kind of scared that you dont want to be with me because you care about me.
I'm scared that you want to be with me because I am the first girl who has shown interest in you since your massive breakup 3 yrs ago who doesnt want you for your money.
I'm afraid that one day you're gonna break my heart for this reason.

My aunt and sister might have started to make up yesterday.
It's been almost a 7 year long fight.
I hope this works. Then my family will be somewhat back to normal.
Now... how do I get rid of the vindictive gf of my father who keeps him from me...
[[insert devil horns here]] =)

This is why I never was quick to trust guys. This is why I am always afraid to admit that my life is happy and great for once, because it always comes crashing down.
For about a week you've felt that we didnt have an emotional connection? I find that hard to believe. You kissed my cheek last night cuz you could. You werent afraid to show me off to your family. You wanted to take a picture with me the other day because you didnt have any of me and you wanted to show me to your friends. You did all the little things that ment a lot. You talked about us in the future all the time. You called me beautiful at my most vulnerable moment.
I personally think that you are a fucking coward. I think you are afraid that this could possibly be more than a physical attraction and you are afraid of getting hurt. Well you arent the only one with commitment issues!!
I respect that you were very adult about it. I respect that you felt I deserved better because you couldnt give me what I wanted apparently. But it still hurts.
You are a fucking coward and screw you if you think you will EVER have another chance with me. This is the last fucking straw. You have no idea what you just lost.

Kinda fucking pissed. Can't enjoy family based events anymore it seems. Kinda hard to celebrate Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other things when your family is full of fights, ignorance, bitching, bullshit, etc.
When I go to my aunts house for Thanksgiving supper and can't even talk about my sister, that's just bullshit. You two need to grow the fuck up because this fight has been going on for, what?, 7 years now?! Seriously. You are both grown women and I bet you don't even know what started the damn fight anymore. You both are gonna put the rest of the family in a fucking loony bin because of it. The rest of my family needs to stop walking on eggshells around them all. It's not helping anything. If you're 2yr old and your 5yr old were fighting, would you do the same thing? No. You would tell them to pretty much suck it up and get over it. How is this any different?!
When I can't see my dad on his Birthday because his gf decided to take him on a surprise trip to Vegas (after we all planned to be up at the trailer) and not get told about it until 4 days before we would leave? That's also fucking bullshit. You've had it planned since JUNE and you tell us a week before hand?! I could understand if you wanted a weekend alone with my dad for his b-day, fine. But you take him to Vegas - of all the places to take someone on their 50th birthday - and go with your friend Tracy from work?! Who the eff is Tracy?!?! Oh! And then to find out that everyone in Montreal knew before we did was a low blow. Fuck you and your materialist, gold-digging, controlling ways. You make me sick.

That's the gist of my rant right now. Pardon the venting.

No more hiding what makes me happy