.w0nderwall - 22, Female, Canada
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[-]
Don't turn around.
Comments (0)
01:16am | Jun 16, '08 | Public
I want you so badly that it hurts.
But i'm tired of trying so hard to make you believe me,
To make you want me just a fraction of how much I want you.
You tell me that you like where we're headed, but somtimes it seems
we're heading nowhere fast and I've been there before; I need more contrast than that.
If you don't want me, I need you to let me know so that I can work on not needing you. Forget about being the good guy. Forget about being the nice guy. Focus on what you want, and if its not me then let me know.
I want this to be easy, I want us to make sense. I want you to trust me. I want you to need me. I want you to know how amazing you are. I'm willing to wait, but it can't be put on hold forever.
I know what I want, and having it just close enough to give me the illusion of contentment and happiness I have yet to experience may be worse than knowing that it would never be. I love the way you feel, the way you smell and how you make me feel. If I don't give you the happiness that you give me, its not fair to you and I need to accpet the fact that I fall short and am inadequate at fufilling your needs.

So until then, i'm stuck sitting here with my heart on my sleeve
and i'm begging you to please, please choose me.
 
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[-]
actually.
Comments (0)
01:01am | Mar 29, '08 | Public
You think that you mean that much to me?
You think that I care enough to let this shit phase me?
I'm sorry. My bad. Honestly, the only thing that was a phase was
you.
Welcome to your epiphany.
[/center][/quote]
 
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[-]
Cheers, my friends.
Comments (2)
03:50am | Feb 15, '08 | Public
When I was younger, being happy wasn't a choice that had to be made. It was a constant and very familiar state that I took for granted and never expected to dissappear.

For the past while, however, it seems that my blissful self has been MIA. I've been stressing; screaming, crying, yelling, loathing, grudging - compromising who I was [am/want to be] because of the choices of others. I'd never been down this low and I didn't know how to pick myself up again, to move on. To forgive. To forget.
But I'm done with it.
I'm tired of the drama, I'm tired of the worry, I'm tired of the petty fights and the headaches. I'm done with heartbreaks. I'm ready to do a major cleanse in my life. I'm ready to let go of the "friends" I can't trust, the "family" that is disfunctional beyond repair and the "relationships" that were never really there.

Gone are the days of illusions; life is too short to live for hallucinated oasises.
Reality, beautiful or not, is what I'm living in.

I've leared that I tend to take on problems I can't fix, I worry about things I can't change - i'm learning to accept these facts and by doing so, i'm praying that I can learn to overcome them; use these traits to my advantage, instead of allowing them to hinder me on my path through life. I can't help who my mom married. I can't change my dad and his actions. Boys and their [though usually only temporary] stupidness. Betrayal.

I may not trust as easy, love as hard, forgive as fast, or respect as much as I did, but I am making a concious promise that I will try. Instead of holding respect from others on such a pedastal, i'm going to hold my head up and respect ME because if I have learned anything in the past two weeks, it's that no matter how much you think something means to you, [or to someone else, for that matter] it probably doesn't hold the signifigance you think it does. People will surprise you, albiet it may not always be for the best, but that is part of life's twist. Instead of fretting about it, wasting my energy, time and sleep on something that clearly isn't important to anyone but me [no matter how hard I wish it even seemed like it was important to you] I'm going to take my energy, time and sleep and make it productive. Make me happy. Get mine.
I'm ready to grow up, and maybe [HOPEFULLY] if I lead/live by example
people will follow.
I will have my down days, weeks even, but I am going to honestly try.
I'm told thats all anybody can ask for.

cheers.
 
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[-]
One more for the night.
Comments (0)
07:22pm | Feb 08, '08 | Public
As humans, we are apparently born with an innate knowledge of right and wrong. However, through our experiences growing up, when our mind is at its most malleable state, it seems that innate knowledge [innate: present at birth but not necessarily hereditary; acquired during fetal development] can be contaminated and tainted, allowing for individuals to not be able to distinguish truly right from truly wrong. Our tainted society that worships quantity over quality and social status over discovering a cure for AIDS/CANCER/ILLITERACY/TUMORS/WORLDHUNGER/POVERTY [please, take your pick] has allowed our minds to truly believe even the crulest of acts to be acceptable. Reedemable. Cowards are praised and worshiped while unsung heros are mocked in scorn. Genetically gifted people always overcome the truly gifted. Respect is nothing but a fashion statement, something called on by gangstars and thugs that "represent." It is not earned and falsely given, which is one of our cultures biggest fault lines, that will eventually turn into a devestating disaster.
I have always been taught to keep my name clean, to keep myself respectable. If one doesn't have respect from their peers, and their name is tarnished beyone recongnition, what do they have? Everything else can be taken away; material possessions will depreciate, devalue, break, and be replaced by new material objects that will in turn deppreciate, devaule, break and then be replaced. Respect is not tangeable, and therefore cannot physically be removed. Respect should be gained and obtained by those you care most about, but someitmes someone you think you know, you respect and who you think respects you, throws it back in your face.
and it sucks.

I sit here by myself
Just staring into space
I thought I knew you well
Well who can ever say
It seems I've spent so long
I can't define my right from wrong
One more for the night
One more for the pain and
One more, long goodbye
And one shot to the brain
And one more takes the knife
And one more takes the train
Who do I name today
A dream of better days
Was long gone by the way
Is there a better place
Well who can ever say
It seems I've spent so long
I can't define my right from wrong
One more for the night
One more for the pain and
One more, long goodbye
And one shot to the brain
And one more takes the knife
And one more takes the train
Who do I name today
Who do I blame today
Nothing's over 'til it's over
And if it's over I don't
Want to hear it
Look into my eyes I told her
Holding onto what is gone won't heal it
It seems I've spent so long I can't
Define my right from wrong
One more for the night
One more for the pain and
One more, long goodbye
And one shot to the brain
And one more takes the knife
And one more takes the train
Who do I name today
Who do I blame today
 
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[-]
bahaha.
Comments (3)
06:00am | Feb 05, '08 | Public
BUDDY.


YOU
[/b]DONTEVENKNOW[/I][/size][/color]


ohhhhZING!!!!




[/center]


i effing love my friends.
they make my life.
<3
 
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[-]
apprehensions
Comments (14)
03:49am | Jan 28, '08 | Public

There is nothing scarier than getting what you want,
because once you have it, you'll always have something to
looose.

and maybe when you've lost almost everything you've ever loved or felt like you needed in
your entire life, the prospect of loosing something so seemingly important can overshadow the
fact that you really, really like it, and your stubborness can cover up the fact that you might
really really need it, because the one thing that may be as scary as getting what you want is
being dependent on somebody and
letting your vunerability show.

--chelsea
 
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[-]
Eff. :)
Comments (0)
04:19am | Jan 23, '08 | Public
Tired of always saying sorry
It's just another fighting story
And I can barely walk a straight line
I'm tired of learning life the hard way
I wish that being strong was easy
But I want it more this time

I was wrong. It's hard to say
At least I learned from my own mistakes
I would change everything

Cause I can't wait for the day
When finally I can say and you'll believe it
I can change and now I mean it
And I will fight for a way
To make up for the mess that I've been leaving
A second change is all that I'm needing and
Anything. I can do. Just to make it up to you
I would do anything
I'm dying to live again

I was such a fool to hurt you
Cause you're the one I always turn to
When I'm going out of my mind
I just bite the hand that feeds me
Instead of loving ones that need me
But I want it more this time
I was wrong. It's hard to say
At least I learn from my mistakes
I would change everything

Cause I can't wait for the day
When finally I can say and you'll believe it
I can change and now I mean it
And I will fight for a way
To make up for the mess that I've been leaving
A second change is all that I'm needing and
Anything. I can do. Just to make it up to you
I would do anything
I'm dying to live again

I pray that you'll see what I've become
I would give it all away to right all the wrongs I have done
I don't wanna fall for the same mistakes again
What's it going to take for this misery to end?

Anything I can do. Just to make it up to you
I would change everything
Cause I can't wait for the day
When finally I can say and you'll believe it
I can change and now I mean it
And I will fight for a way
To make up for the mess that I've been leaving
A second change is all that I'm needing and
Anything. I can do. Just to make it up to you
I would do anything
I'm dying to live again
 
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[-]
Bored, much?
Comments (0)
06:16pm | Jan 22, '08 | Public
Go grab your phone.

What color?
Pearly white.

Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
Madalina

Who's the last person you called?
Jarrod

Who was your last missed call from?
Jarrod

Who's the 2nd person who comes up under A?
Ali

Who's the 3rd person who comes up under D?
Dan

Who was your last received call from?
Morgann

Who's speed dial number 4?
I dont do speed dialing.

What is your background?
MMMBOP//my license plate.

How many text messages are currently in your inbox?
33

Who's speed dial #1?
voicemail

What's the 5th message say in your inbox?
Are u able to do coffee?

Is that exciting enough?
suuureeeeee?

Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
Bank

Who was your last text message from?
Cory

Name every person you have text messages from in your inbox:
Cory, Danielle, Kelly, Emily, Janelle, Carrie, Will, Morgann, Troy, Erin, Michelle, Trinity, Erin, Candice, Jen, Jessica, Stephanie S, Cody, Terri, Lori, Mom, Natasha, Russell, Ashley, Kelsey, Kayla, Jeff, Amy, Madalina, Alyssa.

What does your 6th message say?
Haha. Was it good for you?

Whos the 9th person on your missed calls?
Erin

Who are most of your texts from?
I only keep one txt from people...probably Emily. hahah

Who is the last name in your Phonebook?
Zoe

Who is the first person under the letter L?
Leslie

What does your first text message in your inbox say?
Haha I love you so much chelsea. Thanks for being amazing.

Who is the third person under K?
Kate Cell

What kind of phone do you have?
Motorolla Rocker
 
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[-]
A little too late?
Comments (0)
04:21am | Nov 12, '07 | Public
I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new - yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...
 
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[-]
&lt;3&lt;3
Comments (1)
02:30am | Jun 14, '06 | Public


 
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[-]
&lt;3&lt;3&lt;3
Comments (0)
02:22am | Jun 14, '06 | Public
taylor is a FILF hehehe ----- Lori

ol it was fun cept the fact that her siblings are fricken maniacs !! ... the sar trekki brother first wouldnt speak cling on for me and ron ..so we weer like fine we will give u a dollar tommorow . and hes like .. fine u have to write me an IOU.. so ron did .. lol and then hes liek .. i meant an IOU written in blood lol ... creepy .. and he finally did .. and we laugh .. lol ... and then he tryed to fricken poisen me by putting chewed and spewed "vector" cerial in my water along with hand sanitizer ... .. lol adn then .. hes liek ya i can drink a cup of salt water.. so hes like seee. and he only like putts a few sprinkles in so im like .. "ya no buddy" and i take the bottom of an dpour like half the salt in his drink ..adn he actually drank it silly boy ... and omfg ... when we first went downstairs.. we politley asked him to speak cling on .. and he like starts thowing stuff at us .. lol ya .. adn then for supper we went to the zellers cafe thing (which has crap food and stale buns) and lol i had my carrots .. adn ron kept putting them in the potted fake plants along with the tomatoes he thought looked mutated that were in his burger lol ya i dont think the lady likes usa l that much .. .. ya know ron is the type of doorknob that gives teenagers a bad name lol .. .. i gotta show u the pic i took when i get them developed... theres one of me making out with a fake skeleton .. on morgans guest bed.. with a sign that her mom had previously made that read" please keep off this bed" so people wouldnt wrinkle it .. yup and theres one where im in the background giving the scream fave when morgan is like fricking beating on her sister .. wow shes soo violent.. ... lol to bad u were at southgate .. twas a hott.. cept i don thtink morgan enjoyed our company lol it seems as if she was trying to get rid of us ------- Leslie

You always learn more when you are teaching [inbed] -- Ashley
I <3 chineese fortues.
Your dog looks like a super soaker --- Patrick


just clarifyingl this is morgann speaking no chelsea involeved hiss hiss stop it stop it so not guilty innocent. lioke ,, mm crackers.. you urpedf. sip sip sip your water. like a cat,. when people get a frothed drink of their eyes upside of anger.. drinking clear liquid,, turns into an alcoholic. wells and secretaries far oof look. clear liquid.. not water.. HINT alcoholics.. so sad.. hows uncle ill?? chelsea. yess uncle blil.
im a mushroom. did anyody tell you your dads a vonehead. 4 pips in a pod.. pease 5 no dustin.. merry fricken christmas.. shely pepepepepepepeeeeeeno freaking... well know thatyo mention it.. theres someone in here,. watcing dososoososososos paranoid ..oooh im saccared cCHHHElsea where did you go?? i miisss oyoouuououo im soo scared . help.. ooogie ooogie.l....BBBBoogie. your freakihgn BBBBB dodnt work/. grrrrrrrrrr..r..r.r. silence... click clkick clicky clack look at the trrain its on the trackk h haahoyyy!! several species of furry animals grooving in a cave woith a pict. oh yeah. hi your ack.. mm mmmmuuch etter. geeter time/?? oh nooo!Q!~~ urn my eyes out you skankag ho. reaarranging.. msking me nerrrrvioussss.... hiss sjhos s og dear.clutter. like strething. mmmm tasty. mushroons. sick SICK SiCK! sIck! vest .. on yourchest hahahahahaha soooo hiLAR iouys.. ooo. pillow.. pdraddle draddle draddle i made u out of clay.. an when your dry and ready my dradle i will PPPPLLLLAYY!! herck y3es is ist johnny depp tijm?? i sure hoipe so!!!!! pooooompallloiooompa dooopity dooo,... time to eat cake. and die..
sayanora. --- Morgann




bahaha. yes this is us;;;

you know you're a 90's kid when:

You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air".
You've worn leggings and felt stylish.
You yearned to be part of the Baby-Sitters club.
You use to love playing with your MY Little Pet Shop.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
Mr. Dressup, Fred Penner, Sharon Lois and Bram, and Under the Umbrella Tree... the glory days of tv .
You wore a ponytail on the side of your head and had scrunchies.
Lego... enough said.
You remember reading "Goosebumps".
you were too old for goosebumps and read "fear street".
You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off".
There is no question that "all dogs go to heaven" .
You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
does anyone remember the smoggies?
You had a talking Teddy Ruxpin with cassette tapes...and a matching Grubby.
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You remember the craze then the banning of yo-yo's.

You know who Zac, Taylor and Ike are and the meaning of MMMBOP
You are still suspicious of Ferbys... "ahh ahh...yummmmmm".
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...
I bet you forgot phrases like welfare, tard, and sped!
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy,the green Ranger were meant to be together.
You collected pokemon cards. but crazy bones were for babies.
You wore socks over leggings scrunched down.
You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare".
you laughed at steve urkle and oggled at stephon urkel.
You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell".
You played and or collected "Pogs"....you traded for slammers.
You used to pretend to be a MIGHTY MORPHIN Power Ranger.
you were never as good at devil sticks as the other kid.
You had at least one GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere.
you battled spin-fighters with pictures of power rangers and wrestlers.
You watched the ORIGINAL Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles.
markers had fruit smells.
Yikes pencils and rubbers were the shit.
you played with gax, nutty putty, or some other strange goo.
man!?! you got glow-in-the-dark nutty putty!?!
You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out.
You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
you played computer games that came on big square discs.
wolfenstein kicked ass.... doom 2 kicked more.
You thought it would be so cool to be Alex Mack.
you braded gimp.
You know the Macarena by heart.
you thought the "second macarena" dance was stupid.
Talk to the hand" ... enough said.
You thought Brain from 'Pinkey and the Brain' would finally take over the world.
you had a favorite anamaniac.
You were made to wear a pair of leggings with the straps on the bottom.
Bum Bags, or Fanny Pax whatever you called them.
You know who Ike, Taylor and Zac are and the profound meaning of "MMMBop"
You swung and jumped over a hoop skip.
You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets.
You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
You wanted to be one of Captin Planet's Planeters Earth! Fire
Wind! Water! Heart!""Captin Planet, he's a hero! Gonna bring polution.
down to zero"The Power is Yours".
You can hum the theme tune from Thomas the Tank Engine.
You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool.
You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
I'LL BE BACK!
2 words ... SPICE GIRLS...
[/left][/size]
 
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