When I was younger, being happy wasn't a choice that had to be made. It was a constant and very familiar state that I took for granted and never expected to dissappear.
For the past while, however, it seems that my blissful self has been MIA. I've been stressing; screaming, crying, yelling, loathing, grudging - compromising who I was [am/want to be] because of the choices of others. I'd never been down this low and I didn't know how to pick myself up again, to move on. To forgive. To forget.
But I'm done with it.
I'm tired of the drama, I'm tired of the worry, I'm tired of the petty fights and the headaches. I'm done with heartbreaks. I'm ready to do a major cleanse in my life. I'm ready to let go of the "friends" I can't trust, the "family" that is disfunctional beyond repair and the "relationships" that were never really there.
Gone are the days of illusions; life is too short to live for hallucinated oasises.
Reality, beautiful or not, is what I'm living in.
I've leared that I tend to take on problems I can't fix, I worry about things I can't change - i'm learning to accept these facts and by doing so, i'm praying that I can learn to overcome them; use these traits to my advantage, instead of allowing them to hinder me on my path through life. I can't help who my mom married. I can't change my dad and his actions. Boys and their [though usually only temporary] stupidness. Betrayal.
I may not trust as easy, love as hard, forgive as fast, or respect as much as I did, but I am making a concious promise that I will try. Instead of holding respect from others on such a pedastal, i'm going to hold my head up and respect ME because if I have learned anything in the past two weeks, it's that no matter how much you think something means to you, [or to someone else, for that matter] it probably doesn't hold the signifigance you think it does. People will surprise you, albiet it may not always be for the best, but that is part of life's twist. Instead of fretting about it, wasting my energy, time and sleep on something that clearly isn't important to anyone but me [no matter how hard I wish it even seemed like it was important to you] I'm going to take my energy, time and sleep and make it productive. Make me happy. Get mine.
I'm ready to grow up, and maybe [HOPEFULLY] if I lead/live by example
people will follow.
I will have my down days, weeks even, but I am going to honestly try.
I'm told thats all anybody can ask for.
For the past while, however, it seems that my blissful self has been MIA. I've been stressing; screaming, crying, yelling, loathing, grudging - compromising who I was [am/want to be] because of the choices of others. I'd never been down this low and I didn't know how to pick myself up again, to move on. To forgive. To forget.
But I'm done with it.
I'm tired of the drama, I'm tired of the worry, I'm tired of the petty fights and the headaches. I'm done with heartbreaks. I'm ready to do a major cleanse in my life. I'm ready to let go of the "friends" I can't trust, the "family" that is disfunctional beyond repair and the "relationships" that were never really there.
Gone are the days of illusions; life is too short to live for hallucinated oasises.
Reality, beautiful or not, is what I'm living in.
I've leared that I tend to take on problems I can't fix, I worry about things I can't change - i'm learning to accept these facts and by doing so, i'm praying that I can learn to overcome them; use these traits to my advantage, instead of allowing them to hinder me on my path through life. I can't help who my mom married. I can't change my dad and his actions. Boys and their [though usually only temporary] stupidness. Betrayal.
I may not trust as easy, love as hard, forgive as fast, or respect as much as I did, but I am making a concious promise that I will try. Instead of holding respect from others on such a pedastal, i'm going to hold my head up and respect ME because if I have learned anything in the past two weeks, it's that no matter how much you think something means to you, [or to someone else, for that matter] it probably doesn't hold the signifigance you think it does. People will surprise you, albiet it may not always be for the best, but that is part of life's twist. Instead of fretting about it, wasting my energy, time and sleep on something that clearly isn't important to anyone but me [no matter how hard I wish it even seemed like it was important to you] I'm going to take my energy, time and sleep and make it productive. Make me happy. Get mine.
I'm ready to grow up, and maybe [HOPEFULLY] if I lead/live by example
people will follow.
I will have my down days, weeks even, but I am going to honestly try.
I'm told thats all anybody can ask for.
cheers.
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