00DaniGirl00 - 25, Female, Vernon
00DaniGirl00's Blog9 Hits
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...and here's another one!
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem."

Well , Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So , he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk, " Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen on there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ He gets all the geese. Randy's up in the pigpen. He's in with the cows. Randy is jumping on every animal the farmer owns.

The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal , shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

Randy opens one eye, nods towards the sky and says , "Shhh. They're getting closer...."
 

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Yet another dirty joke
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.

"Well, okay," he says, "how about a blow job?" "Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"

He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?" "I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"

"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that."

So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

"What's wrong?!" she cries out.

"Take your thumb off the end!!"
 

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Woot! another dirty joke
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "GO AHEAD!!!"
 

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...another dirty joke!
A major Hollywood star decided to do a charity dinner and invited hundreds of people to take part. To make it interesting, the host decided to make it a costume party with the theme of emotions. So that night, the first couple came to the front door, dressed in all blue. "You were supposed to dress up as an emotion" states the doorman. "We are dressed in all blue because we picked the sad emotion." Thinking it over, the doorman decided that was good enough. The next couple comes up to the door dressed in all red clothing "Sorry, you needed to dress up in a costume tonight!", to which the couple reply, "We are, our red clothes symbolize we are angry. Besides, you let the other couple before us in." Again, the doorman agrees to let them in.

Then along comes a black guy, completely naked with the exception of a pear with the core cut out and his penis stuck into it. The doorman, wide eyed looks at him, "I'm sorry, but I don't think you have been invited to this dinner." To which the black man responds in a thick Jamaican accent, "Actually I was invited!","Well you were supposed to be dressed up in a costume that conveys a certain emotion." The black guy says,

"I am in a costume, I'm deep in despair!" (Deep in this pear)
 

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Yet another dirty joke!
John woke up one morning with an enormous erection so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into the room and asked him to bring it to his wife. The note read:

The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.

Heather answered the note and then asked her son to bring it to her husband. The note read:

Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.

John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to bring it to his wife. The note read:

The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.

Heather answered the note and then asked her son to bring it to her husband. The note read:

I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand!

hehehehehe
 

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omg this joke is awesome
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I’ll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you’re so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck ‘em dry!"
 

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Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area.
Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man
who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club,
and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
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Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long time
fiance. Seeks decent, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists
in this cruel world of hatched-faced bitches.
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Ginger-haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed
and shirty after a few scoops. Seeks attractive, wealthy lady
for bail purposes, maybe more.
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Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard,
living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Rosecommon.
Seeks attractive 21 year-old blonde lady with a lovely chest.
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Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady,
for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic
walks, and slaughtering cats in cemetaries under
the flinty light of a pale full moon.
--------------------------------------------------​------
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes.
Seeks alibi for the night of February 27th
between 8 pm and 11:30 pm.
--------------------------------------------------​------
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year-old
double jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery,
and has an open-minded twin sister.
 

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Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINTS

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two".

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

In a colleague's diary, write in 10 am: "See how I look in tights".

Carry your laptop over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it"

Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call.

Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.

 

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Ok well here's what happened...

Got to Burnaby at 8pm after getting lost [twice]. Got to the hotel, to discover our room was next to a group of obnoxiously loud hockey players. The room was pretty ghetto, as in sardines wouldn't even feel at home in it. I only got 3 hours of sleep (mainly due to the fact that the hockey boys wouldn't shut up lol) The next morning, the Fam and I got to Metrotown at 7:30 am, and I waited in line until 9:00 am, wherein i received my Audition Number (#101148). After another 3 hours of waiting, it was time for the actual audition... i was sooooo nervous, but i managed to squeak out a pretty good song... or so i thought. I got bumped off in the first round. But all in all it was a pretty cool experience.

To the people in my audition group that made it... KNOCK EM DEAD!!
I'll be rootin' for ya!
<3

(PS: I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN ITS GOING TO BE ON TV SO DON'T ASK lol)
 

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Ok, here's the scoop...
Well, its been a long time coming, but I'm finally heading to Canadian Idol! I'm hoping i do a good enough job... gotta give the underdog her dues! lol. I need as much support as i can get, so please root for me!!!

Friday, Feb 2rd ---- Travelling to Van
Saturday, Feb 3rd ---- Audition day!!

Thank you!

<3
 

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woot!
New pics up!
 

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NEW PICS UP!
New pics are up, bitches!!!!!
 

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herrowwwwww
~~~ Currently putting up new pics ~~~
 

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another survey
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF

Name: Danielle
Birthday: October 5th, 1986
Birthplace: Vernon, BC
Current Location: Still in Vernon, BC
Eye Color: Dark Green
Hair Color: Red
Height: 5' 8"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Lefty
Your Heritage: Irish
The Shoes You Wore Today: my white DC sneakers
Your Weakness: Confrontation
Your Fears: Being broke, failing college, losing people I care about
Your Perfect Pizza: Pepperoni
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Graduate college and move to Kelowna
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL. but i'll admit, I'm guilty of using it a lot.
Thoughts First Waking Up: Ugh... 5 more minutes...zzzzzzzzz
Your Best Physical Feature: My lips and my eyes
Your Bedtime: Usually 1 am
Your Most Missed Memory: Hanging out with Amanda! gahhhhh i miss her! ...stupid Edmonton lol
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King
Single or Group Dates: Single dates of course! although group dates can be a lot of fun
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Either one
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Neither, i hate coffee
Do you Smoke: Nope
Do you Swear: All the time... its a bad habit
Do you Sing: All the time!
Do you Shower Daily: Yes
Have you Been in Love: Dunno yet lol
Do you want to go to College: Already am
Do you want to get Married: Yes, but not for a looooong time
Do you belive in yourself: At times
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope
Do you think you are Attractive: Yep
Are you a Health Freak: Meh, sometimes
Do you get along with your Parents: Most of the time
Do you like Thunderstorms: I love them
Do you play an Instrument: Nope, I sing
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Hehe many times
In the past month have you Smoked: Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Hell no
In the past month have you gone on a Date: If you count dinner with my boyfriend, then yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yup
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No sadly, I love it
In the past month have you been on Stage: Haha yes, just last night
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Hell no! too cold
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nope
Ever been Drunk: I was half-cut last night lol
Ever been called a Tease: A few times
Ever been Beaten up: Nope
Ever Shoplifted: Nope
How do you want to Die: Uhhh quick and quiet? lol
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Singer
What country would you most like to Visit: Japan
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Doesn't matter what colour, the way you look at me is more what i like
Favourite Hair Color: Dark brown, or dirty blonde
Short or Long Hair: long
Height: Taller than me lol
Weight: Built, but not huuuuuuuuuuuuge
Best Clothing Style: Skater, prep, thug, anything goes with me, as long as they look hot in what they're wearing lol
Number of Drugs I have taken: None... unless u count the advil i took today
Number of CDs I own: 30
Number of Piercings: 3
Number of Tattoos: 0
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 3
 

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HAHA this cracked me up!!!
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes...(You MUST read them out loud)
>1) That's not right .......................... Sum Ting Wong
>2) Are you harboring a fugitive?.............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
>3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao
>4) Stupid Man ................................ Dum Fuk
>5) Small Horse ............................... Tai Ni Po Ni
>6) Did you go to the beach? .................. Wai Yu So Tan
>7) I bumped into a coffee table .............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin ni
>8] I think you need a face lift .............. Chin Tu Fat
>9) It's very dark in here .................... Wao So Dim
>10) I thought you were on a diet ............. Wai Yu Mun Ching?
>11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah King
>12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao?
>13) Staying out of sight ..................... Lie Ying Lo
>14) He's cleaning his automobile ............. Wa Shing Ka
>15) Your body odor is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu
>16) Great .................................... Fa Kin Su Pah
 

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