I moved on a long time ago. I think it's time that my blog showed it. Oh and btw, now that i look at it, most of the stuff I wrote about ended up being completely insignificant.
Entry 9 - Friday April 7, 2006, 11:49 pm
This one remained private until after the 13th.
Sorry to say this, but it's time for me to give it up. I deserve a lot better than this unreliability. Maybe it just took me too long to take the hint, but I got it now. I'm upset because I allowed myself to be mislead, and because I tried to cling to something I had already lost; I thought I knew better than that. But now it's so clear. If you want something, you'll work for it. If you want me, you'll make time for me. So I guess u never really wanted it in the first place. It's just too sketchy for me to deal with. I liked you a lot, but I think that might have been foolish of me. Maybe im overreacting, or maybe, just maybe, I know how I deserve to be treated. I deserve respect, and I wont let anyone pass for less. I let my guard down, and now I suffer for it. I'll be fine though, I always am. I'm stronger than anything anyone can throw at me. I know you will try to deny it, but it is your loss.
Long story short, Anything im missing out on, you're missing out on too. I just don't think you realize what things could have been like. But there is a time for everything, and I do believe in the so-called "meant to be" It took me so long to get myself to admit it wasnt going to work. Far too long.
Entry 13 - Wednesday April 12, 2006, 9:23 am
This is Creepy. Btw, Don't take that L word too seriously.
Unfortunately, you may feel as if you are invisible to the one you love this month. He or she may be so preoccupied with his or herself that he or she is unable to give you the kind of love and support that you are expecting from your romantic partner. When April kicks off, you will be feeling strong, but on April 5, you could start to lose your bearings. Your goals become unclear and communication becomes muddled. Your partner will be sending signals that you just don't seem to understand. The Full Moon on April 13 will be powerful for you - big issues will come to a difficult climax at this time.
Entry 15 - Sunday April 16, 2006, 1:40 pm
Making paper cranes from old love notes,
Setting them on the water to watch them float,
Down down the river and farther away,
Drowned Drowned, with the things u used to say.
Away with all the promises you couldn't keep,
The goodnight kisses before I went to sleep,
Tugging on the corner of my skirt to make me feel,
I guess It was just too bittersweet to be real.
I wish we had a chance to make another memory,
I hope you understand, this is the way it's gotta be.
And I've gotta give it up, give it up before it's too late,
I just wont let you get to me this way.
Two days I'll never forget, even if I try,
But sorry buddy, but this is goodbye,
Thanx for the good times, but you can take back the bad,
I don't need them where im going anymore.
Entry 16 - Sunday April 16, 2006, 4:42 pm
Alright. It's time to fess up these feelings. I did care okay? It pains myself to admit it but I did let myself get affected by a silly boy. I thought I was smarter than that.. but apparently we all have our slip ups. I am so thankful that I am strong enough to deal with these kind of rifts. I realized that I shouldn't care.. and instantly I didn't. I'm sorry that it was this easy to deal with, I really liked you, but no one is worth my tears. I still have a good deal of anger and resentment tho. I was sorely mistreated, and I deserve a lot more respect than I was getting. I should have done something about it sooner, I noticed this so long ago, and if i hadn't been so unwilling to just let go, it would have ended much earlier. Trust me, if you knew what was going on, surely I, the one who was not getting enough attention, would have noticed. I should have followed my gut, but once again I got burned by my failure to let go. I will fight to the grave for something I want, it's just who I am, but I should have realized I was wasting my time. Sometimes in these situations, people have a tendancy to be blind. I guess I'm a little stubborn. I tried to leave it so completely open for you to be honest with me; you could have told me anything and in the end I would have been fine. That was ALL I ever wanted from you. And you can't even give me that? That's so sad. I made it so easy for you and all i got in return was this bullshit. Well I'm not going to waste any more time thinking about you. I will honestly never believe a single thing that you have to say again. I just can't trust you anymore. But I mean its not like I'm going to have to deal with it anyways becaus we are not going to be friends. I am quite aware that you only said that to make things easier.. I just regret that you felt you had to make stuff up to make me feel better. No one is worth my heartache, so just don't think that by telling me that, that you were saving me from any sort of psychological or emotional dilemma. Don't take it personally, I just happen to know myself too well. Well I guess that just about sums it up. Here is my final Goodbye.