I have a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach worse than nostalgia I haven't felt this bad in my life not even that one night like fuuuck

Life;
broke my clavicle(collar bone)
no sports for two months =[
missing people <3
maybe should be a yes?
yah,
im deffs not random

Well to be honest if I were you I would stop reading this blog right about now, because I'm probably going to write for a very long time right now it is 1:11am and well I always have so much on my mind and going on and well its confusing so I suppose I'm going to use this as kind of a way to rant or vent about everything not that any of you care, Well to be honest I think I'm going to die alone and well if you are still reading you may disagree but I honestly will I am completely fine with that because I feel I don't deserve happiness, I didn't take those pills but I will another night I kind of got scared and thats why I didn't but don't worry I will take them soon enough not that it really makes a massive difference it only benefits me because its a permanent solution to a permanent problem, well to be honest I would love to watch one of these three movies with someone I truly care about maybe even love, if I ever watch either Titanic, The notebook or p.s I love you, with you than that is probably better than me ever saying I love you, I have no idea why I place such a high level of importance on that but well I do, I really hope I don't lose everything this time because I wasted 3 hours last night writing well typing to be specific typing and typing all of my thoughts and feelings and well I don't want to lose it because these are whats on my mind, I think I really do need someone to hold just for a little while, I haven't had the greatest week maybe even year but eventually someone comes into your life and turns it all around now I just recently started talking to this girl but well she makes me happy I don't know if I have romantic feelings for her but I love talking to her because of the feeling I get when I talk to her she really is quite amazing I don't exactly know what to focus on there is so much I can do, I have kind of decided on my future too, odds are I'm going to go to notre dame next year, I will do my very best to make team alberta for rugby but I kind of have to know how to play rugby first, lol, but I really want to live in England or maybe Australia somewhere far far away than I can have a fresh start on life, although my plans could change, I don't want them to, it would be nice if I could follow my dreams for once and see finally how it feels to have a dream come true, thats never happened I usually abandon my dreams with the first sign of trouble thats probably one of my biggest flaws is I know I'm not good enough and I probably sound so emo right now writing a long blog sharing my feelings and everything but well its better to talk about things even if everyone knows everything than to keep things bottled up inside and than eventually I would probably be driven insane, lately music has kind of been making my life, never shout never is kind of a new obsession of mine to say the least, all I do is listen to Christopher drew sing his little heart out and well sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes it makes me feel nostalgic and miss everyone I have lost from my life what used to be all of that, Well I don't exactly want to meet her now, like I am nervous and I have a bad feeling she is going to hate me, typically my gut instincts are always correct, lately I over think everything to the smallest detail which makes me just go crazy, for some reason I feel like I'm being lead on with hope in everything I'm worried but I mean what can I lose, its funny how a song can relate to me soo much <3

You're the centre of my day
Oh, Mondays I sleep away
Tuesdays I lay awake
Wednesdays are the worst
Whoa, Thursdays I reminisce
Friday, I see your face and I can't breathe
Although the distance is daring, I sure know what it's like to be alone.

I really want to play hockey right now, Odr(outdoor rink) tomorrow so jacked, getting some new skates, I am so random like I might be insane, lol, Oh haii guess what my phone is fixed finally its been weeks since I have been texting to bad I have like no contacts right now, lol, I fail, well today I went to jens house we were watching twilight and I fell asleep haha, If anyone reads all of this please message or comment because you either have no life or are an extraordinary person, I am actually really excited for english next semester like honestly Its going to be so amazing I love writing that will be the class I put the most effort in all year sure math I might semi retarded (70%) Science right now I am pretty sure I am an idiot( 75%) and well I'm probably going to drop in both I wish I was just extremely smart but I don't know something about the types of classes they are that bothers me I cannot do well in them English I am hoping to get around a 90% my options I am not exactly sure what mark I will get I don't take them serious enough like I'll pass for sure and get all of my credits but I don't know I'm just a little worried I really need a good average in other words next semester english will bring everything up because if I can have a really good average I can get into better schools on scholarships through sports far far away, I kind of said good bye even though good bye means forgetting, but the last thing I want to do is forget the girl I have been crazy about but I'm a fool, aren't we all, I don't know why more people aren't awake at 2 o'clock in the morning, I just would like to say something I hate hate hate the word guesstimate (estimate/guess) it drives me crazyy, I am not really asking for much for christmas and my mom is not very happy about that I don't see why though its my choice on what I want if well I don't really want anything I shouldn't be forced to get something, I haven't slept properly all of high school haha, thats a little odd, over the past week I have probably gotten a total of maybe 20 hours of sleep, I am not the jealous type just insecure because of mistreatment and the fact that I hate everything about myself and well I feel people will realize they can do much better than me and than I'll be left alone so I guess you could say I have my guard up and I won't exactly let people in its way to easy to get hurt in this world, but just wait and see when I have someone who I am in love with and she is in love with me it will be so amazing and make up for everything that has ever made me even remotely sad, because for all the heartache times I have been hurt, lead on, mistreated some how it will all be worth it. lovers love and liars lie thats all I have to say, the only reason people say you have changed is because you stopped living life how they want you to, so what if I am left here all alone and you still have someone one day none of it will matter, I think I should have had a brother having 3 older sisters had made me to nice or to sensitive to girls feelings a lot of the time people thing I'm gay so I actually have to be an asshole which makes me feel terrible, I can't even stand to look myself in the mirror because its not me ! non of this is me I just am Ty William Prokopy an akward lanky 6"3 teenage boy who wants nothing more than to be loved and to be happy but things always get complicated and you can never stay focused on what you really want, sometimes I debate giving up on everything but fear prevents me from doing that. I wrote a song =] but thats our little secret, I wish I could get back to the boy you fell in love with instead of whatever I am now, I feel really bad suddenly I have this pain in the pit of my stomach and it just won't go away and I feel like my heart sunk into my stomach and might never come up, well I have wrote for an hour sorry for anything I have ever done to you,

xoxo,
lots of love,
your friend Ty

its 1:59am so not exactly an hour

When your heart is broken it is the saddest thing in the world. All your energy leaves you and everything in your life seems to lose all meaning. In this love, you gave your heart and soul, and now it is no more. How can your heart ever be whole again. There is a very deep thought attributed the Mystical Rebbe of Kotzk. He said that "there is nothing as whole as a broken heart". He was pointing out that although a broken heart is painful, it brings a person to turn to


I want to die, I'm sick of it all

since I owe you a blog, I might as well rant about how I feel <3 =] Brianne, I have thought you were absolutely incredible ever since the first time I met you, we hangout all the time and I am almost always happy, we have fought a few times but it always ends in us being stronger, I believe were worth fighting for, we have sooo many memorys together, hiding in bushes from jordan as we held hands <3 I held you in my arms and we watched the fireworks <3 I snuck out of my house at 2am barefoot through a window in the mudd and the rain just to see you, I took 3 trains and 4 buses, wasted 4 hours (there and back) just to see your face for a moment, you make me feel so happy, whenever we fight I feel like my heart is broken beyond repair, like I'm crazy about you, I probably always will be, we have been best friends forever and now its our chance to be more than that, its nice falling in love with your best friend. I never know how you feel, you almost never let me in, I love spending time with you, we used to hangout all the time, we never do anything at all usually hangout at the colourful wall but it doesn't matter because I'm always away from my problems even if my ADD is kicking in and I have to go to the fire escape, everytime I look you in the eyes, I see what a wonderful person you are, I have wanted to kiss you, probably since the first time we started speaking, I don't need to tell you that your gorgeous because well you know that. I remember I snuck out of shanes house with myles and shane we had a little bit to drink, you couldn't even walk lol, you whispered Ty I love you as you stumbled over the swing set, gahh your just incredible, whenever I am with you, I can truly be myself even if I am on "skittles" haha, I'm always smiling and laughing, I miss our webcam talks all night and day like when we first met and you would eat an entire tub of icecream over the coarse of 24 hours, that summer that I met you, was the best summer of my life, I was sooo incredibly nervous to meet you, I was scared you wouldn't like me, I remember one time I walked around your house for an hour to see you for 3 minutes, I would always do anything just to see you, our music we shared was so amazing... "I want to hold your hand" will always be our song. the day you moved I was so sad, I sat at the colourful wall with skittles starring at your house for hours, hoping to see you come out and run and give me a hug telling me you were just joking but it never happened, I love our time together, your smile takes my breathe away, 11:11 you have never told me your wish I remember for a month straight every 11:11 I wished you would fall in love with me, I love how comfortable I am with you, your the most real person I have ever met, you don't try to be something your not, your just you, I always loved sneaking out just to see you, I had bruises and cuts all over my torso from climbing so many windows and fences just to see you, I'd do anything for yuu, I'll always be here for you, forever, I think we might be meant for eachother and maybe become eachothers weaknesses, I remember before we even met (over nexopia, lmao) you made me promise to makeout with you more than your maximum time, which was 15 minutes with garret, lol we have never kissed before sometimes I think you don't like me but than you tell me you love me, I love how I'm always guessing it makes the feeling when you tell me these things all the greater, I hope I get to see you soon and than I can hold you in my arms all day as long as I get to see you and spend time with you again I will be happy, we will both always love michael jackson he will always be in our hearts, I don't even think words can describe how much I care about you, I saw you cry one time in my life, it was from my own doing, I felt my heart rip into peices I felt so bad, ughh like certain things always make me think of you, like the sound and smell of rain, bright colours, skittles, renfrew, your old house, part of myself, the first song you ever told me to listen to was shine-the morning of I step outside into the light The sun is bright, I close my eyes The summer caught me by surprise and now I'm left here waiting for you to tell me how it is If I could only get a kiss I could make you take a risk on a boy who wants this And now the sun has sunk below The evening wind now starts to blow I catch the scent of *your* perfume It lifts me higher than the moon I'll be fine if you stay by my side... Never felt this way in my whole life Never had this feeling before tonight I can't get you off my mind Cause you shine, Girl Oh you know you shine Your eyes are brighter than the sun They make me see that you're the one Your smile takes my breath away and leaves me with nothing to say You aren't like any other girl that I've met in this whole world
So won't you please just be with me?

I'll be fine if you stay the night...

Never felt this way in my whole life
Never had this feeling before tonight
I can't get you off my mind
Cause you shine, Girl
Oh you know you shine

And I'd give up forever to see the day
Where the two of us both could just walk away
hand in hand.

Never felt this way in my whole life
Never had this feeling before tonight
I can't get you off my mind
Cause you shine, Girl
Oh you know you shine

Never felt this way in my whole life
(You shine)
Never had this feeling before tonight
(Oh you know you shine)
I can't get you off my mind
(You shine)
Cause you shine, Girl
Oh you know you shine!


I love you,
and if falling for you is crazy, I'm out of my mind,

the seaons may fade away but our memorys will last forever,
I know you feel something with me,

I try to remember everything I can about you,
no matter how small,

like your favourite colour is purple
lol, you love bi guys, haha,
there is tons of little things like that but I don't want to write all night,
when I'm around you I am so care free

briianne I love you just ughh I find it so hard to find words, your my everything, your so amazing, it didn't matter how bad my day was getting to see you was just breathe taking,
maybe one day when we hangout we will actually do something =p
but if we don't I'm fine because I love talking and just being with you,
It's so fun when we stay up all night listening to the same song you make me so happy,
my heart was racing so fast when you told me you loved me...by accident might I add =p
I love how you can be comfortable with me, and I can be comfortable with you, I feel soo myself,
I mean lets be real, we hung out for hours and hours everyday at the exact same spot(s) never getting tired of it...thats love. I do it cause I love you, and you love me (:


11:11 make a wish...






I love you brian =p

YOUR BOY SIDE—-

You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
It’s hilarious when people get hurt.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own a car racing game.
You played with Hot Wheels cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You have watched sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You used to collect hockey cards.
Baggy sweats are cool to wear.
It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors or all.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun
You talk with food in your mouth.
You sleep with your socks on at night.
You have fished at least once

—-YOUR GIRL SIDE—-

You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink.
You go to your mom to talk.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like going to the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures .
You like wearing jewelry.
You cried watching The Notebook.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don’t like the movie Star Wars.
You are/were in gymnastics.
It takes you at least one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing high heel shoes.
You used to play with dolls as little kid.
You like putting make-up on others.
You like being the star of everything.
Pink is one of your favorite colors.

Appearance •

I am shorter than 5'2
I have many scars.
I tan/burn easily.
I wish my hair was a different colour.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair colour.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I’ve had/have braces.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than two piercings.
I have had piercings in places besides my ears.

• Embarrassment •

I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve laughed ’til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I’ve had my pants rip in public.


• Health •

I’ve gotten stitches.
Broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I’ve had serious surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.

• Traveling •

I’ve driven / riden over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Canada.
I’ve been to Cuba.
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Ottawa.
I’ve gone to Sudbury.
I’ve been to the Caribbean.
I’ve been to Europe.
I’ve been to Florida.

• Experiences •

I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny-dipping.
I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
I’ve crashed/rolled a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a musical.
I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I’ve eaten Sushi.
I’ve been snowboarding.

• Relationships •

I’m single.
I’m in a relationship.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I miss someone right now.
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

• Honesty / Crime •

I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve snuck out
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve ran a red light
I’ve witnessed a crime.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.

• Death and Suicide •

I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone / something dying.
Someone close to me has attempted / committed suicide.
You have planned your own suicide.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

• Materialism •

I own over 5 rap CD’s.
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime / manga.
I own designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something I got on E-Bay.
I own something from Abercrombie.

• Random •

I can sing well
Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
Open up to others easily
I watch the news.
I don’t kill bugs
I sing in the shower.
I am a morning person.
I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
I am a sports fanatic.
I twirl my hair.
I care about grammar.
I have “?”’s in my screen name.
I love spam.
I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
I bake well.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange
I would wear pajamas to school.
I like Martha Stewart.
I know how to shoot a gun.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I eat fast food weekly.
I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I like white chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I’m good at remembering faces.
I'm good at remembering names.
I’m good at remembering dates.
I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.