UPDATED 2005-01-13

About me eh?
Who am I? You sure you wanna know? If somebody told you I was just your average ordinary kid, not a care in the world... somebody, you know what? That lame Spiderman beginning thing is getting old. So to hell with it...
Dogs fucked the pope... No fault of mine...
..What the? Where did that come from?... no matter, I suppose I should say a little something about myself.
I am a rodeo clown, no... that's far too ridiculous... they'd never believe it... just stay calm man, they don't know thing one about you, just say whatever, they'll buy it... wait did I type that or just think it... could they hear me?... Good God man... these people will think you're some kind of crazed psychotic, but is that so off? Are you really as stable as you'd like to believe? Jesus Christ, stop thinking things like that man, that's just what they want you to think... If you don't stop now you'll be sucked down the rabbit hole, and if you think things are weird now, you wait until you're sitting on some god damn toadstool talking to a talking cat... Jesus what a thought to have... What kind of man would think of something like that? I'm afraid of the answer to that question.
I've just reread what I've written and I think I've come to the conclusion that I AM a raving psychotic, I can't believe I didn't see it before... I should throw myself out that window over there right now... not that it would matter, I'm on the ground floor, but still.
I've just reread it all again... I nearly erased the whole damn thing, but something inside told me to stop. I shouldn't ever go back and change what's already happened, in fact from now on I won't erase anything I write.
So what is it i'm trying to say? well [perhaps that i am not like them man, who's them you ask? well them are whoever they want to be, what dowes thata man?... God Dammit!!! I'm going back to erasing things, I hate fucking typos!!! In closing I want you all to know something, perhaps it will make you rest easier after reading this, this may be the rantings of a raving psychotic, but at least I'm not violent, at least I don't think I am...
"2 Sheds"

2005 - Jan 13th
Today, I had the most horrible sensation of paranoia today while walking through the Southcentre Mall. Before I relate this tale to you I'd like to tell you a little something about malls and me.
Up until today I loved the mall. I admit it, I love the mall, not for the same reasons however as the god damn yuppie teenage girls who stalk the hallways in packs of 4 or 5 giggling incessantly over some idiotic tidbit of gossip or squealing with glee when any teenage boy walks past. No, my love for the mall is different, and I'd like to believe more complex. I don't love the mall for the shopping, shit the only store I frequent is HMV and I hate it, you can expect to spend at least an extra 10 dollars on anything than you would at A&B Sound. No, I love the mall because it gives me hope. Hope you ask? Yes, hope. Hope because if you ever want a snapshot of everything that is wrong with the world all you need to do is visit the mall. Evil corporations preying on unsuspecting minors like some sick twisted pervert. This enormous monument to the commercialistic tendencies of our society gives me hope not for society, I gave up on society years ago. It's been doomed since the early 90s. Instead it gives me hope for myself, if ever I feel too screwed up to live in this world I visit the mall to see people who are more badly screwed than myself, worse because they're just as twisted but they don't realise it and think I'M the twisted one.
Now that you understand my love for the mall I can tell you about my horrible experience. I was in the mall shortly after it opened, just wandering around sorting through shit in my head... having reread the previous sentence I've decided it was WAY to god damn Emo. I now present the revised sentence:
I was in the mall shortly after if opened, just wandering around fantasizing about doing terrible things to Hilary Duff with a fork, (Although it's violent I feel the kids of today will respond better to that) when I heard the sound of high heels on the hard tiles behind me, I thought nothing of it and kept walking, but the echo of the heels grew louder and I began to wonder if they were following me! I considered looking back and quickly decided against it thinking; "If they are following you, that's just what they want you to do, any excuse to open fire... don't give the fuckers a reason to shoot..." I had begun my descent into madness... I tried to speed up to evade my would-be attacker in the high heels and the sound of the footsteps also increased in speed. I was sure of it... SHE WAS FOLLOWING ME!!! A thought entered my head "Sweet Jesus! She's one of them!!!" I never bothered to consider who "Them" could possibly be and why they wanted me dead, I was just sure that whoever they were, she was one of them. I suddenly broke into a dead run and hid behind some of the fake plants they keep to attempt to convince you that you're communing with nature while you shop. I hid there a good 5 minutes when I heard the sound of the heels again. I peeked through the leaves of my cover and saw her... The diminuative girl who worked at one of the stupid knick-knack stands... I'd seen her dozens of times before, I was relieved to see it was only a false alarm and even if she had planned to kill me, I think I could have taken her.
I had survived this horrible experience, my first ever wave of real paranoia had passed. Or had it? I found myself repeatedly looking over my shoulder for the rest of the day, always half expecting to see the knick-knack stand girl charging at me with a huge carving knife held in her teeth... If you take anything away from this, I want it to be this: If you are ever in the mall and find yourself being pursued by a harmless looking mall employee, don't take the risk, just fucking bolt! Get the hell out of there before all hell breaks loose, I was lucky... but you might not be.

What do I like? Jesus what a question to lay on a man... How do I put into words the things that I like? Well that's the easy part, the hard part is going to be doing so without sending out the wrong idea. I mean I like different things at different times, sometimes there's nothing better than a good David Bowie song... For example, right now China Girl sounds pretty awesome to me, other times all I really want is to watch someone beaten senseless with a stainless steel hammer... Sweet Jesus I can' t believe I just wrote that... I am unstable, I need help. Damn you David Bowie!! This is all his fault. I would never say something like that, but "China Girl" did something bizarre to me! I can't even continue this right now, I am disgusted with myself...
I'll get back to you on this one.

It's been a few minutes now and I've had time to reflect... I feel perhaps I've been to hasty to condemn myself for thoughts of a violent nature, after all is nature not violent? So long as my thoughts do not become actions... No it's still wrong, a man shouldn't be walking around with crazy thoughts like that, it's not healthy, and yet I feel oddly liberated having said it... hmm, odd.

It's been more minutes and I feel I owe an apology to everyone I may have frightened with my talk of senseless violence, it was out of line... Wait a second, what am I doing? Apologising to these pigs? Damn it man! Snap out of it! These are the same people who drove you to this madness...

After a few more minutes reflection I feel I owe yet another apology, I shouldn't have called you pigs, it's not your fault anyway... Fucking "China Girl"...

Well, now that I've had some more time to reflect I feel I owe an apology to David Bowie, I know he didn't write China Girl just to be spiteful to me. It's actually a good song, he did good by writing it.

So in closing I like... well I don't really know what I like, but if I ever really figure it out, I'll let you know.

Things I dislike?
NOSEY WEBSITES ASKING ME TO REVEAL ALL THIS PERSONAL SHIT!!!
God Damn Big Brother 1984 Bastards...