Some random statements for you:
"If life gives you lemons, maybe lifes really cheap"
"How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on"
"Originality is the art of concealing your sources"
"I've been trapped in this mime box for days now"
"Leperchauns do not taste like cake, trust me"
"A person who loses their mind isn't crazy, just more entertaining"
"I eat to live, and I live to eat"
"I had my pet rock neutered"
"Why do my legs taste like chicken?"
"The truth is something that no one has proven wrong yet"
"Beware of dragons, for we are crunchy and taste good with ketchup"
"The voices may not be real, but they tell some pretty good jokes"
"I have a secret army of potatoes ready to strike at any moment"
"Jimmy Carter was the thirty ninth president of the United States. My cat's name is Pip. Coincidence? I think not!"
"If you can read this sentence, read it again"