Hood Love..
Black, darkness was all you could see, all you could feel. The night covered the ghetto like a think fur blanket; impossible to escape it suffocates me slowly. As I wondered through the back allays and back roads swaying to and fro. Surrounded by broke down building on either sides, broken down street lights lined the streets and 213 graffitied on the never ending catacombs walls which the local residents called there alleys. A fist of brass weighing down my hand cocked in each back pocket as I seem drunk, baiting my self out as I wait for a hit and run opportunity. Like a child to candy they came, two men. Two people from the notorious 213, but there were nobody, just 2 black people wearing baggy jeans and black over coats. Little punk 5 cent kids, at school they’d be the bully of the block, every kid like that from the east becomes part of the 213.
When they come close I must be precise, I must be quick if people hear, shots will be fired, and plus every time I let loose, it goes to the grave along with the foe. I never use the same glock twice, for when the police come, that can’t use a single gun to connect me to more than one crime. As they get closer they get closer to being someone, you’re nobody… till some one kills you. There about to be famous while I’ll be just another brother in a crowd. They touch my shoulder and with haste my hands come, no finger prints except those of steel knuckles. Quick and painless, and now for the first time of their life, well for the time of living in New York, there were somebody. It’s amazing what people will do for money, but ethics change when the only way to live is to steel food so you don’t starve, take money from people so you have a place to live. But what is right when they would have done the same to me? To not fight would be suicide. 5’8, 170 pounds living in white America, its survival of the fittest. But now I’m at the Westside train station for that was only a memory. I’ve done it many times before, but this time it was different, with years of bad karma I feel sorrow. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, only 22 but years of living like this make you grow older, much older.
Time seamed to stand still while remorse ate away at me from the inside, 12:31pm, March 27, 2005. What goes around comes around, and my playing god I suspect it will come around with adamantine, bad karma will make it so. My first act as a hustler was 11 years ago, when one time in the middle of the day when an older Spanish kid named Jose knocked me down to the ground where he then tried to steal my wallet and 20inch silver chain. He got my wallet but I took my chain off before he could grab it, wielded my silver at one end to let the pendant slip to the bottom and use it like a bludgeon, with a swift whip with a flick of my fist a bright red trail of blood, his rancorously hoarse bellows still found a way to creep out of his face while score after score after score, when he finally sundered to the ground, I took back what was rightfully mine and the wallet that was his. When it was done, you could not tell if he was White, Black, Asian, Mexican or anything else. He was red, it could of been anybody but all long as wear human we’ll bleed the same color blood. Ever since then who every tried to beef with me would end up worse off then Jose, and the silver chain still hangs from my neck as it’s the only thing my dad ever gave me, the only thing I have to remember him by.
12:32pm, March 27, 2005, times seamed to slow down even more than before. Unanticipatedly I see a way to soften the blow when it comes back around. I watch more a few more seconds at the damsel is distress. A beautiful girl with the body of a stallion, big hips, big lips and golden blonde hair crowned her gentle face. She looked like an angel being splayed by the devil. My pace quickens as the jesters of the guy in front of her began to get more violent. A large snapping sound disorientates me for a second and in another second I was in between them both. The man was also black like her, however while he wore a business suite but he had no class.
“Is there a problem here?” I ask while debating over weather I should make him look like Jose or not.
“No problem here, Sir. Me and Renee and just having a little talk” he said ignorantly while giving Renee a deep cold hearted stair. “All be seeing you later” he uttered at Renee as he walked down off the platform of the Westside station.
“Thank you” she said with her one side of her face was red with that fools hand print. Tears began to build up as we stair at each other, I ask her her name even though I already heard that guy say it. In a cheerful voice softly said its “Renee.”
“Renee would u like to get something to drink and maybe after we can exchange numbers?” I asked trying to change mood to something on a more happy note.” I know a little club two stops down from here, its just in front of my apartment, is that ok with you?” In a light-hearted voice she said shed love to, her eyes had a kind of sparkle in them now, blithe to what has just happened, jubilant.
As we wait for the train I wonder if he has forgiven some of my sins. He has sent me an angel, but for why. So many times I’ve danced with the devil, why not send her to someone else, some one who has not gone as wrong as I. Living where I do everyone has committed crime, but few have taken the life of another. Or is he setting me up for a great fall? To get attached to a girl that seemed to be immaculate then take her from me? The lord works in mysterious ways. I wonder what the savior has planned for a trigger hungry person like me. Not just murder but drug use and….”Come on, the train is here, and by the way what’s your name?”. “Daboo” I replied answering her question in perplexed state of mind as for she had made me lose my train of thoughts.
“Are you ok” she asks me as she pulls me on the train, only two more stops until we get there, two stops to get out of this dazed trace. In my head I think of the hard realities of the living in a place like this to shock me back to sanity. “Old sun station” exclaimed the voice over the intercom. One stop to go.
“Yes, sorry about that, I just spaced out.” I uttered softly. I snuggled up close to her and put my arm around her hoping shed take it as a sign of affection. Whether Renee thought I was flirting or not we spent the rest of the trip cuddling, neither of us spoke, thankfully. Now for the rest of the train ride I had time to gather my thoughts, I had a whole 3 minutes.
We got off the train and started walking, three blocks north and one east. Renee and I stopped when u got to the club, Block Party, a local club with six pool tables and several bass speakers as big as me, but what really separated this club from the others that there’s a single flat screen plasma screen television that covered their whole back wall, this was the richest place in the neighborhood. We walked in and got two seats two drinks and began talking. I wanted to see where her head was at, she made it immensely clear. We were talking about nothing in particular, Renee told me what she went to school for, shorty said she wanted to be a lawyer. “How long have you been in school for and how is it?” I phonated, I asked her a question but I didn’t listening, my mind was busy other places. The girl I reverence studied law and I broke it, I’d break it to survive, what prospects am I into this time, the lord works in mysterious ways.
As she takes a sip from her scotch, I ask her “what would u do if you dated someone that broke the law”
“It wouldn’t be the first time, remember when we met at the subway? That guy is name is Elay. My sister died in a car crash a couple of years ago and I needed money for the funeral. No one I knew had money, so I started to ask around, I didn’t want to be a whore, but I came pretty close. Elay lent me the money but now I have to pay him back by stripping at private parties, its not pretty but you gotta do what u gotta do.” She told me this story as tears started to well in her eyes. “I never dated him but that kinda gives you a concept on that in a ghetto moral fiber is different than anywhere else, it’s like if the only way you could feed your kid was to sleep with some one for money. If you sleep with him your breaking the law but if you don’t he or she would starve.”
Changing the subject I told her I want to be a writer.
“Let me hear something you wrote” Renee said in a groggy voice, pushing away a tear she puckers up and waits for me to start.
“Her voice
So divine as it reaches the gods above,
Turning tears of anger into tears of love.
Evils vex her with intensions amiss,
Arrest. vile goes abyss
Her Beauty,
More immaculate than any picture,
More beautiful than any shrine,
Greater than any rhyme confined to any line ever at any time.”
Renee stood speechless. I escort her out side and hail a cab. We get in and pay a fixed fair to her apartment then mine. Her eyes are sparkling like a little kids on Christmas day, I get number and kiss her on the cheek. Renee rode the whole way dumbfound. Considering how she seams to be on cloud nine I wonder what she thinks of me. At heart I’m gentle, but in the ghetto you don’t have to use force, you have to portray straight, I wonder if she can see though my thug persona. I’m tenacious, every one is, you have to be when Harlem streets are filled with white powder. Nothing here can stay untainted her for long. Every time somebody tries to do something good like make a day care or a new church they get riddled with bullets. The way shots fly sometimes it like being stuck in the middle of a meteor shower. I believe that’s whey Renee is associated with that guy Elay, nothing good can stay untainted for long.
So, lost in though I don’t even acknowledge that we have stopped, but into that dazed trance once again. Mindlessly I bid her good night. Mindless, just thinking about Harlem streets, and how everybody is living in the state of Manhattan.
Mindlessly I pay the fair and go up to my apartment for some rest and relation.
BOOM!, a gun shot breaks the crisp air and wakes me up. I ingeminate the clock beside me, “1:38pm, June 28, 2005”. I turn my hyda bed back into coach and get set for the day. On my way to the shower I check my messages, one new message it said displayed on the base charger for the phone. I enter my password and the message plays,” Hey Daboo, its Renee, that’s for last night I had fun, I had so much fun that I want you to come over to my place tonight and we’ll watch a movie or some BET, meet me at our train station at 2pm.” Bliss that I’m going to see her again I turn on my old 18 inch TV to the news to check the wearther,”1:42 Saturday, June 28, + 29degress” was displayed across the TV. I quickly go back to my room to find some nice jeans and a jersey to wear.” OO SNAP!!” I vociferate just as I realize I had 18 minutes to get there. Faster than Donovan Bailey I sprint around my apartment. Minutes just seamed to fly away. As I finally got every thing done in my apartment I take a second to reflect on the fastest 3 minutes of my life, and I take a second to pre pair for my 20 minute walk which I plan to run and hopefully cut in half. For the duration of my dash I never ran so fast in my life, I never got to the Harlem station quicker that I ever had before. Knowing that I have a 7 minute train ride I sit in agony wonting to check the time, it withers me away from the inside out but I don’t check because if I’m late all only panic more. Such great battles I fight inside of my self, maybe it’s the fights like these that make me old. But I guess a good thing has come from theses battles, I’ve learned to accept facts, I’ve concluded that I won’t live to be past 30, if I do all be really surprised. Life is hard so death has to be easy, and for that I am not afraid of death. I’ve played the grim reaper, everyone look at ease when there inanimate. But for now these thoughts have stopped as my train is here. After getting on the train, seven minutes later I was there.
When I finally got there, 3 minutes late a rush out on the platform only to be knocked off my feet back into the train.
“You’re late” Renee grouched in a grumpy child’s voice. He had a puppy dog face that everyone knows she was just playing. I wish every played like this as for it was erotic having her onto of me in such a public place.
“How are you?” I asked with a smile on my face.
“Good” she replied softly. Her facial expression had not changed much from when I asked her the question, but her droopy lip made me fall harder then when she just knocked me to the ground.
“Would you u like to get a seat little shorty?”
“No” but knowing she had to get up and sit down in the old train benches. Not only are the streets and builds we live in broken down but our trains and bus’s are to. As we stair out over Manhattan, we just sit. The suns bright rays shed over the broken down city kind of makes it look peaceful. Like after a war and peace has bin restored. As we cruise along I don’t burden where we’re going but in stead in rejoice in the beauty of Manhattan and the presence of having Renee by my side.
We get to Renee’s place around 2:30. She simple living space with absolutely nothing out of place. She had a leather coach and a nice TV, along with was a lamp and a coffee table and that was all she had in her living room. The sofa was facing away from her room, but when u walked into the living room, you could a blips of her bedroom. Renee had a bed that just barley be visible from the living room, all you could see was the foot of the bed, her dark purple when wonderfully with her light blue walls. Also you could see a nice new sound system, two 4 foot tower speakers that projected the high and middle sounds, while she had a massive bass for the low end, and to top if off she had a 5 disk changer and new Sony amp. No matter how broke you are you shouldn’t be deprived from your music, your music is what defined you and lets people see some of your deeper qualities as a person.
She turns on a movies and slips into her room for a second. “Do you mind if I change in to something more comfy?” Renee asks from her room.
“Of course I don’t mind” I said slurring the last couple of words as I find out the question was rhetorical, before I could fully answer she exchanged her all white track suite for a black halter top and some dark blue short shorts. She looked amazing, its simply made my heart pace. My girl, or soon I hope her to be my girl walked out of her with such grace, she walked like Miss. America floating across the runway. She sat down beside and put her arm by my side, I cuddled up close to her, the shaped of her body got conterminous with mine. My girl started feeling on my chest, and a little while later Renee pressed pause on DVD player to put a stop to the movie. We got into our birthday suites, Renee had a tattoo on her lower back she didn’t want anyone ordinary to see, it was a picture of butterfly done in graffiti, it was elegant but the lines were sharp. Renee’s tattoo reminded me of Ali, it was cute a butterfly but stung like a bee, it portrayed strength. I started to feel on her breast, and there no need for me to disclose the rest. I think I got my self a winner, someone I might actually show some love.
Six Weeks Later…
Renee and I have bin together for weeks. Nothing good can stay untainted for long. I moved in with her so we save some money. Secretly I moved in with her because I can’t stay one place for to long, in my line of business people want to deal me the death card. I have many enemies, and I try to ride on them all. The only thing that keeps me safe is a couple of people that no one knows that watch my back. We keep close but were never seen together unless were going to fight. But that is beside the point, me and Renee, we’re together and it feels like nothing can wrong. In fact I even got her some flowers, 11 real roses and one fake. I wrote her a note, this is what the letter said.” Only let me go when the last rose fades”. When I gave them to her she just smiled, she was speech less, all she could say was… and all she did was give me a kiss, and then we went spend the night in bed.
The next morning I woke up with a brand new vigor, it was only enriched as I turn on Renee’s stereo, she had some Mikes Jones playing, being one of my favorite songs. I start singing along. “She ridding she rolling she rolling, she grinding that pole and, I’m in love with a stripper. She tripping she playing she playing, I aint going I’m staying” I sing louder as start like Michel Jackson across the room, ”because I’m in love with a stripper and there’s a note on my bed” I sing with the rhythm of the song even though I stayed away from the lyrics and red the note on my bed.” Dear Daboo, sorry I wasn’t here when you awake from your slumber, but you we’re deep in your sleep and I didn’t want to bother you. If you want to check up you can reach me at 272-5016 but I may not pick up because I’m kind of busy. All be back by 3:15 pm”. I write down the number because I haven’t seen it before, it struck me as odd because I never new she had a cell phone.
I go to a little room with a stove and a fridge, other than there was the normal pluming and bit of counter. I brought my microwave and my miniature grand farther clock over and a put on some open counter space. Everything was in a straight like, all the appliances we’re against the back wall. I pulled out a chair from under the round table which was 6 feet away from the fridge, I got some cereal from the counter because there no drowse or shelves to put it. On the way back to the table I let the answering machine play, there was only one message. “Renee, its Elay meet me down at the train station at noon” the played over its intercom.
Such a nice day I though to my self. When there is blood on the land there is money to be mad. Plus with this there will be no more dept with Renee. My baby can not turn my tear of anger into tear of love for I shall not weep. Line these streets or Harlem with even more blood than before. Dial digits….
“Hey Renee, where are you?” I said trying to hide the anger in my voice, its something you have to be able to do when you set people up.
“Hey boy, I’m just doing some stuff with a buddy, I’m at the club down at 3rd street, can you make dinner?” Renee said, she was hiding something, of all times I’ve mugged people I can tell when people are lying or telling half truths.
“Baby all make you a great dinner, don’t worry. I have great surprise for you”. A surprise that you’ll see on the news, bar shootings always are. But for now, I must go to my local gun shop, I go there so much I’m on a first name basis. Every time I go there my guns get cheaper even time, frequent customer discount.
“Chitty chitty bang bang.” I say with a seductive smile on my face as I go to hide my glock under the bed mattress. Never use the same gun twice but I rather like this one, stainless steal with silencer on it. This gun is like old school tactics with some new school cover up. Now its time to break the law, once again knuckles in my back pocket. I open the door to follow through with my plans.
“Hello? Is Renee there?” questioned a girl I never seen before.
“No” I said with dismissal.
“Oh, well I’m one of her friends, I’m just stopping by for a surprise visit, do you
mind if I set down for a while?”
Knowing I have bin defeated by, this girl. There’s some in her eyes that you can tell she won’t say no for an answer, she should be an hero, she just saved a life. “Yes, I suppose you can stay for a while, you’ll have to wait like 3 hours before she will be back”. This girl, Renee’s friend, she should be a model. She has blond straight hair with perfect curls, she looks like Tyra Banks, she may even look better than Renee. “What’s your name?”
“Chanise” she replied as she started to take off her fur coat.
“I’m Daboo, what do you want until she gets back?” I said as check her out from her head to her toes.
“I don’t know, its doesn’t look like you have much to do, your place looks pretty bare.” She said with a look of disappointment, pretty bare, what an understatement.
“… Do you want to watch a movie?” I said to her as if she was a little kid; she must not be that bright as she didn’t pick up to my mockery.
We sat down on the coach and turned on a movie. Man o man was this a bad movie, pretty in pink. “Can we do something else, anything?” I implored.
“Anything?” she said questioning my right back.
“Anything” I said, it didn’t matter to me, just al long as I’m not watching this movie.
“Well….”Chanise replied softy as she rubbed her hand up and down my leg. “Can I do this” she asked as she grinds up closer to me.
“You know I’m dating Renee ri…….”
“Shhhhhhh” she said as she interrupted me and pressed her lips against mine. Harlem has made me hard, Renee has made me soft, I’d feel sorrow if I didn’t suspect her of the same, but for now I’ll enjoy the view because Chanise is unbuttoning her white tee. A designer shirt and a fur coat, she must from around here, I guess I got an imported topless girl on top of me.
“Can we?, I wont tell.” Chanise asks as she turns on MTV and reach in to her puma hand bag.
“If you wont tell neither will I.” I said as I move from the end of the coach into the middle.
We played around until just a little bit after 3pm, nothing big just a little this and that. Now its in my hands, to let Renee know or to or to never talk about it again, so much power in knowledge, words can hurt someone so much, maybe she’ll feel jealous and maybe all leave when she sleeps, maybe or maybe not. Maybe she’ll never know but she should be home any minute.
Five minutes later Renee came home and kissed me on the cheek as she ran past me to join Chanise on the couch, she sat where I was only moments ago. How ironic how girls can be such great actors, Chanise acting as if she had a hard uneventful day, and Renee acting as if she was with another girl friend at the club. These girls are deep in conversation so now would be as good a time as any to get my running around done.
I head down to the gun shop and I buy a new Daboo Jr. The only of the gun shop is one of the people that are forever loyal. Because everyone who buys a gun here, except for me of coarse, must fill out paper work. Name, address, birthday, heath problems, you expose so much when you buy a gun. Me and Johnny the owner are close friends and we see each other at least every fortnight. You never know who is watching so we only talk on the phone. I pay him the money and leave, the whole time neither of us spoke a word, neither of us wants to get shot. I could easily find out where Elay lives from Johnny, but instead I got a better plan. It will create more irony, and that’s the way I want it to be.
On my way back I stopped by a corner store and picked up a tape recorder, the fist thing I need to put my plan to work, first step in putting and end to Elay. Finally I need a pen and paper and all my preparation work will be done.
I walk back in to my room with little wobble, guys can be good actors to for I am presenting my self as dizzy. I head to our roam bed room and stop just before I do. “Renee, I wrote a note for you, can you read it out loud I ask, it would make me really happy if you do. I put my other hand in my pocket and started another step in my plan.
I handed her the tattered noted and she read out loud,” Hey, I want you to meet me at the train station at 2pm”. “Why did you ask me to say that? She asked with a kind of puzzled look on her face, she wasn’t angry or sad so I’m confident to conclude that Chanise dint tell her that we had an affair.
“Because that is the first call you ever gave me, remember?, anyways I’m off to bed, I just went to because I am vary dizzy and light headed.” Renee dint question me so I guess she believed it, so now I must wait till every one is asleep. I think I shall write.
“Don’t hate the player hate the game,
Because when the day ends in the hustlers mind its all the same.
Driving people to submission with out laying a finger on them.
The power of god is the power of influence.
To smite those of whom do not follow him.
Nothing could be the same as this unequal balance .
The force of power greatly surpassing the force from above.
I am the one who holds the death card now.
I can speak a tongue that is not mine.
I play the god in which people bow.
My next act, execute a certain player I’m thinking of.”
Now it’s reaching the hour of 3am and everyone is asleep, the all went to bed around 2am. How I get out of my bed is inaudible, no one could heir, even if Renee was awake she would just think, I was turning in my sleep. They only thing that would cause people to think I was moving, would be a couple of ripples, but even those could and mostly be dismissed. I walked like a panther to the night over to the phone, I grab a pen and paper and write down the number for whom has bin spared only 12 hours ago. With his number in hand it’s time to wait, 5 o’clock is when I will make the call.
The hours clicked away slowly, each minute feeling longer than the next, longer and longer and longer. Still I wait, each minute giving me more energy than the next, like a football player before the game getting rallied up before he plays. Singing songs I pass the time, just nodding my head and going with the beat I say what ever comes out, no thoughts, no distraction, just music, hours and hours of music.
5am strummed the miniature grand farther clock. I grab my tape recorder and the house phone and my cell. I star 67 number to block my number and caller name, I dial the number and do the same for the other phone. With both phones ready send the number on one phone, it started to ring and I send the number on the other phone. “Yo, leave you message.” Is what I heard that fool say on his answering machine. After the beep I play my tape recorder.” Hey, I want you to meet me at the train station at 2pm” Repeated the previously said words of Renee. I turn the house phone off so if he tries to come back he won’t be able to get through.
How ironic, the person that caused up to meet killed in the same place we met. What I find even more ironic is that it will be voice of her that ultimately led to his death. He deserves everything comes to him. Slapping a girl in public for everyone to see, that’s even worse than murder, and if he dose that in public, I don’t want to know what he dose to girls in private. If he new what was coming he probably wouldn’t treat anyone like that ever again. If he only new what was coming he would probably run.
With a gun tucked in my pants a grab a big coat, its 5:34am and I’m going to wait until 2pm. I leave now incase Renee or Chanise wakes up early. I leave the apartment and walk down stairs, I expect to be at the train station at 6. I still have my brass knuckles in my back pocket, it’s for the best. When I’m waiting down there for so long somebody might try to jump me as well, and if the pull a gun to me I hope they take me to an back alley then I can make a few extra dollars. On seconds thoughts I just want people to leave me alone, I just want to go to a corner store and pick up a hot chocolate. So I did.
Now that I’m at the train station, I can gather my thoughts. I think to my self why? Why do what I do? Maybe it’s because they way I’ve grown up I never I had anyone to tell me the difference. When I was little I used to think j-walking was wrong and that was my land in the sand. But eventually I pushed my line in the sand and it wasn’t bad anymore. After that it was steeling, first something little like an apple or something for a treat because at home when I was young apples we’re to much to afford. But all that did was push my line even farther. Then came window shopping (steeling items from inside cars), and from there came break and entering and car jacking. After that there wasn’t much more left that could raise my line, except armed robbery and murder, which is what came next. Armed robbery and murder is what will probably kill me, like I said before I don’t plan to live to be older than 30 years old.
Now that I finished thinking about why I went so wrong my mind wonders again. Jumping from topic to topic like a grass hoper jumps from one blade of grass to another.
Finally my mind settles on something. Thousands of people die everyday. They die of old age or at birth and many more uncontrollable reasons. Thousands of people die, but you’ll only make the new if it’s something dramatic. Something like an assassination on the president or a little girl dies in a horrific car accident. The streets we live in are so rough that if some one gets shot down in cold blood, and the police don’t catch the offender right away no one will hear about it. No one ever get caught so I don’t even think the police search for anymore than a day before they declare the case undisclosed, I bet anything that every other colored man agrees, African , Asian, Indian and east Indian. When it comes to thoughts on the police color is not restricted. But the only way to be sure a murder is on the news is if its done in broad daylight in the middle of a crowd or where there’s many people around to identify you, for that reason bar shootings are always on the news.
As the time go by, it’s only an hour to 2pm. I start to smile as for I want everybody to see what will happen. I want ever one to see the abhorrence on his face. Then I want everyone to see him die. I want the people to see me. I want people to loathe me as I do him. I want them to describe me to the police and tell them what I look like. I want the police to go on the news and talk about this “random” shooting. I want everybody to see his him immersed in his own blood. I want them to see, to hear, to feel him suffer. All there people will for now its two o’clock and Mr. Elay has arrived.
I watch him look around for Renee. He is alone. I hope he had fun last night for it will be his last. I take my cell phone and once again black the number, an immoral smile comes across my face and dial his number, as he reaches for his phone I take my tape recorder and let it play as I leave them on the bench as I walk towards him. His back is turned so cant see me as the death dealer comes to rid him of his life. I get closer and closer every second, each step I take I start to feel alive, what a rush as I grad the gun from my belt. He on the move, now it’s a game of cat and mouse which he doesn’t know he is playing. Closer and closer and closer, his time is almost over. Closer and closer and finally I’m right be hind him. “Hey, I want you to meet me at the train station at 2pm” I say just loud enough to hear. As he turns around he drops his cell phone. “Surprise!” I say I point my gun at the right of his waist. His face looks white as if he had already died, I would kill to know what he was thinking right now, I would kill. As the train stops and lets people out I pull the trigger. The sound stopped everyone, hundreds of busy people began to watch as they see a guy dying in front of him, they watch as he suffers slowly as for where he is shot is not fatal. I pull my gun over two inches and shoot again, and then over another two inches and fire again! and aging and again and again, I fired every 2 inches to leave a straight line of bullet holes across his waist. Nine shots for that was all that my clip could hold, the last nine holes dug into him with in 2 seconds. He was going to die but not right now, he would suffer and all these people will watch him bleed. Even if some one from the crowd new first aid he would only slow down his death and make my pleasure greater as the prolonged his suffering. What martyrdom he is in, you can see it in his face. How sadistic I am for I am enjoying every minute of it. I wish I could stay and watch the fear, the pathetic whimpers come out of him, I wish I could watch him cry like he is right now for ever, but I know he I must go. I grab his cell phone so the police can’t find his last call.
Now its time for my escape. It will be easy I think to my self as I run and pick up my cell phone. I purposely leave the recorder and I wipe it down for someone to find and hear the voice of who lead him unknowingly to his death. I set it down slowly so every can see what I have left behind as I begin to run thought back alleys, no one is following me so I scale up the side of a building by using the offsets of the layered brick that made up the wall to building that its name is of no importance. No one has seen me get up this wall so now I wait on the roof top and enjoy the beauty of the summer day. I leave my gun up hear for no one will find it and I take my jacket off and fluff it into a pillow and put it behind my head because I have not slept all night, so now I sleep in the rays of the sun that has giving life to us all. I start to laugh as I hear siren pull up to the station. “Even if they search they will not find me” I say as I rest my eyes. “This will be the best sleep I have in a while” I whisper out loud with a smile of satisfaction. Only moments later I begin to doze. I dream a happy dream, dream with the last moments before I left. I dream of Elay’s dying face as he tried to hold onto life.
I wake up from my sleep at 5:37pm. I put a frown on my face for now I can not take the see train home. “What I nice day” I say as I look up at the still bright as the sun is just starting it descend to be over taken to the night while I sit up. I relax for a little while longer on the roof top; I’m rather reluctant to go home for Renee will be there in quite a state of anger. I sigh deeply as I have an hour walk ahead of me, how ever the walk will rejuvenate me even more that my nap on root top. With red hands I feel like Saint Nick I think to my self as I begin to walk. How ever this time with my spear time I don’t think I just space out and walk mindless. In this frame of mind time seams to go by and I have no relocation of where it went when I come back to. My mind was thinking of how angry Renee will be when I get home so I would rather nothing of anything at all, with that being my last thought now I walk, with this being my last thought I walk in a zen like state escaping the harsh realities of life.
I get home and Renee coming to give me a hug and Chanise doesn’t move but she says hello and licks her lip. Chanise is enjoying this secret that we have. Renee has no idea what is going on. Obviously she doesn’t know because they’re on the coach together watch the end of the 6 o’clock news…. Oh snap, I think to my self as I begin reasoning even more. “Come on girls, we’re all going to cook dinner tonight” I say quickly but trying not to let the sound of panic protrude though my voice. I have no idea what we’re going to cook, but as they get up I walk over to the TV and change the channel to BET. ”Anyone know what we’re going to cook?” I ask to the both of the girls. I open the fridge and I look upon the only urban desert anywhere.
“I think we should order out” blurted Chanise with a disguised look on her face. I still don’t know where she was from I’m but I’m sure she never had a fridge as bare as this. Ignorance is bliss, this girl will never have her happy little prissy world be brought down by the truth of how other people live or any other problem. ”Daboo why don’t you order some Chinese food since you weren’t here all day”
“You could have at least left a note or something, why do u got to be insensitive?”
Phonated Renee.
“Girls, can we please to talk about this later” I appealed.
“Daboo we got a lot to talk about Mr. Daboo. Why don’t you take a seat, you’ll be here for a while.” Harped Renee.
How could such a sunny day be brought down by the endless yelling of a female? To cower the sky with over cast to block the sun from reaching the ground below is immoral. There are many material objects that portray delicacy, but everything on earth comes and goes. Only the stars are evermore.
” What did I do wrong?” I ask rhetorically because I new that if I said nothing she was tell me. She didn’t saying anything, she just went to the bedroom. I thought I got a lucky break and she was going to lay down for the night and out her beast to rest. Little did I know she was coming back with the wrath of Hades. She stood in the kitchen with her hands in her back pocket as I did I was about to jump some one. “Would you like to tell me what this is?” she said as she takes my gun from her back pocket.
“It’s a gun Renee.” I said as if she was stupid. That’s the last time I hide anything under a mattress, next time I want to hide something I don’t want anybody to find it I will hide it under a lose floor bored or make a hollow book and hide it there. “Can I have it back, its rather important to me.” I asked as nice as i could.
I haven’t told her any thing. I’d rather tell her when she was upset than happy so her mood wouldn’t change. “I never use the same gun twice.” As I said this she puts on a expression of shock. “ I don’t work a real job, I get paid by mugging people and getting hired for assassinations. I put that gun under the bed because I liked it and I wanted to save it for another day.”
“What do you mean Daboo, what are you trying to say.” Renee says as she begins to tremble.
“I kill people to live, when there is blood on the street there is money to be made.” I said as bluntly as I could, I felt like I was teaching a toddler physics, Renee just didn’t get it. Chanise has been listening to every thing but she has never been around anything like this before so I ask her to leave. ”Chanise can you please leave, you don’t need to listen to this.”
“What the heck is wrong with you!! What if you get caught by the police? How could you do such a thing?” Barked Renee as she shut the door behind Chanise. ”What about us Daboo! What about us, have you even thought about that?!”
I felt like we were play 21 questions the way she was interrogating me.
“Remember when you were telling me about how you preformed at private clubs to pay for your sister funeral? It’s not pretty but you got to do what you got to do.” I said with a hint of dismissal in my voice. She didn’t leave so I guess I actually would be hear for a while. The where, the who, the why and the how, I knew she was going to ask them all and so far she just for the what. So I will try to end this conversation before that. Renee’s eyes began to sparkle once again, but thus time there glittering before of anger she was holding inside of her, I new she would yell soon. I could read her face like an open book, every curve every crease every expression told a story.
“I could have you put away in jail for this, do you forget what I want to be?!” Renee yelled with a godly might from the heavens above or the hells below.
“You have no proof I did anything, even if you show the police the gun. What can they do, that gun has never even bin fired.” I said as I begin to raise my voice. This girl is really starting to provoke me, so now it my turn to go on the offensive. “What is up with you, lately you’ve bin spending more time with Elay that you have with me. You weren’t at the club with a couple of friends, you were there with him. You left me in the middle of the night to see him when the day before I bought you flowers!” She was acting like she has never been around this before. People die every day, if Renee can’t deal with that she should probably move with Chanise, but I don’t get it, Renee has bin stripping for rich people, in a place like this you cant get rich with clean money, even the poor people corrupt.
“What I do with Elay is none of your business.” Renee replied. She pronounced ever last letter and spoke in the coldest slowest voice I have ever heard. It was clear now that my angle from above drew power from down below. She took a step forward and pointed at me. She still looks beautiful when she’s angry, but now lets see how angry she can get.
“Then what I did with Chanise is none of your business. Watch the 11 o’clock news, I think you will see some about your friend Elay, it seams there was a murder and the train station where he slapped you when we first met. Witnesses say the offender had a silver chain with a pendant and was a black male about 5’8.” I said with a look that couldn’t be describe by words, but I feel like I just killed Renee. Her face now was covered in tears like Elays torso was covered in blood. Renee starts to tremble more than anyone else I’ve even seen. Even in the presence of death people did not break down like Renee just did. “I love you Renee” I enunciate as I leave the apartment and leave Renee.
When I get to the bottom on the building I was living in, I stopped to think, I wonder if I can anything back from Renee or if I shouldn’t even bother. She’s a good girl and if she doesn’t call me she can keep everything I left there, except for my for what I hid under the mattress, she deserves a break in life. No debt and new appliances, it cant get much better than in a place like this.
I sit down in the bench that’s in between the elevator and the stairs and take out my cell phone. Dial seven digits and one ring, two rings…”Hello?”
“Hey Johnny what time you get off work?” I ask him as I looked out at the falling sun, its only about 7:30, 8pm latest.
“Man what is up?” Johnny remarked, he sounded serious. Last time I called him and asked him when he got off work I was in a extensive predicament. I had 20 some odd guys after me. I called Johnny and I lead them to the alley behind his shop and like flies they fell. He was standing at the back door with the lights off so no one could see him, when they passed him he pulled out two automatic guns of some sort and just held the trigger. By the time they turned around he did three sweeps across the crowd. I’m lucky I dint get shot, as soon as I got 20 feet passed his door I hid behind an electrical pole. I stuck my head out to watch it all happen and they dint even know where the person that was shooting them was.
“Don’t worry Johnny, it’s just girl problems” I told him in a easing voice.
“Daboo! I can help with almost anything but girls you do not want to mess with, they can be more sinister, more sadistic, more cruel that anything else in this world.” Riposted Johnny. He was laughing the whole time he said this, it was to hear laughter, it was such a change in tone from what I have just heard from Renee.
“Johnny!” I said laughing right back. ”Can I spend some time at your place?”
“Of coarse you can, come down to the shop and I’ll give you the key” replied Johnny.
“Thank you, all be there shortly”
“Hey Daboo” Johnny said interrupting my sentence. ”You know Hitler is the male version of a female right?”
I laughed so hard when I heard this that I dropped the phone and fell to the floor and started to cry. “I’ll be there shortly” I yelled hoping that Johnny could hear me because I haven’t picked up the phone. When I finally got to my cellular device I closed it and began to walk. The beautiful day has turned deleterious. The crisp air bite me face as I went out side. Now I was looking forward to this walk as for each step would be like a bee sting that covers my whole body. I don’t drive because I don’t want the ID, the only identification I have is because of my mother. I put my birth certificate beside her as she went to the grave. As for as the government knows it don’t exist because I have no social insurance number. No body can go to the police or the government or even the president to find out who I am. If the price I will pay for not existing is being cold every once and I while, I will forever be the death dealer, just an imaginary person the sheds fear.
I continue walking and I get a bad feeling something is going to happen. I can’t pin point what it is but it there, impending as I walk. It looms but still I cant not figure out what it is. I continue to walk but the feeling doesn’t go away. I wish I would of called a taxi. My pace quickens, I hate being out hear I hate this feeling. Five more minuets go by and I just give up, I embrace the feeling and interpret it as a good thing to ease my nerves. I walk with a false happiness until finally I I get to Johnny’s shop.
I walk in and once again we don’t say much. ”How much for that scope?” I ask him because there are customers in here.
“$29.99 Sir.” Johnny said with out looking up.
“Can I buy it?” I asked as I shook my head. Johnny turns around to ring it in but first he slips his keys in it and I give him a 5 dollar bill. I’m going to his apartment and all leave the scope there. This in thing with the scope is a front so people don’t arise any questions. I walk around for 5 minutes to farther enhance the front before I leave. My feeling hadn’t left me so I kind of wish I had picked up a gun from Johnny’s store, it doesn’t faze me that much because I still have steel in each on my back pockets.
I finally get there are that feeling hasn’t left. I just sit on the lawn in front how his apartment as just look at the stairs. I reminisce memories of my boo when my cell phone rings. “Hello, can I speak with a Mr. Daboo Emanuel?”
“Yea this is him, how did u get this number” I asked as I started to yell at this guy I don’t even know and he’s calling me on my cell phone. ”Why you calling this? Can u big some other people!” I’m really not in the mood to be talking to people.
“Mr. Daboo, I don’t know how to say this but something happened to Renee.” Express the man who has not yet said his name. ”This is the hospital, you should come down hear.”
My heart dropped. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do. Finally a find the strength to ask a question. “What happened to her?” I begin to run back to Johnny’s store and take the keys out of the box. I ran even faster than I had to make it to the train station, when my Renee was meeting me there.
“She got shot, the police dint say ,much more other than the apartment was trashed and there was 213 spray pointed all over the walls.” The doctor said trying to act sad.
“Thank you.” I said and hung up the phone. I ran even faster as I dialed Johnny once more. As soon as he picks up I begin to yell. “Yo Johnny, you got my back right? I Need you to do some for me, some thing big.”
“I thought you only had girl problems” he faked a laugh to try to make sane.
“You still got a grudge against the 213 right? They killed this girl that was more important me than my chain that hangs around my neck, and I need your car to get to the hospital.” I said as my voice started to stutter. I was only a minute from his shop now but I think I might… shed a tear.
“What do you need?” Johnny replied , he was almost as angry as I was now. He once loved a girl as well. I never told him I was in love but he could tell.
“ I need you to gather every body you know. Call in favor and get some your people’s people. I want everybody to go down there, I want there to be no more 213,”
I said as I approached his shop. ”Call me when you got ever one gathered, I got to let you go I’m at your car.”
“It would be my pleasure Daboo.” He said coldly, I new he was passionate in his hatred towards the 213, he would pull though amazingly with 70 or 80 people strong.
I get in with no drivers license, but in my work you have to be able to drive a car. I had the 15 minute drive in only 8. I don’t even turn on the radio as I drive, I just drive with the precision of a formula one driver, Darting in and out of traffic as if I was racing on moto GP coarse. My hear paced, it paced for Renee’s life as for mine because if I crashed I would be meeting Renee in the hospital the some way she got there. Time stood still as I road like the wind. ”Be ok, please be ok!!” I mutter under my breath. It was all my fault this happened, if only I had not jumped those people , if only I was born into a rich family, if only I had the knowledge to know from right and wrong, if only… Why did this have to happen to Renee, if I was at the apartment it would have been me instead, I killed her, it was my fault. I’m only to blocks away now and I drove faster than ever. I wish it was all a bad dream, I wish it would all go away. I finally get there and park the car in a stole. I run up to the door, its blooded with light as it looks to be my saying grace. Finally I’m here, finally I can see Renee. I walk up to the counter as ring the bell.
“Yes, how may I help you?” Asked a girl behind the counter.
“I’m Daboo, I’m hear to see Renee” I said as calmly as I could, my emotions ran high. I was surprised I dint actually yell at her. She just looked at me with a black face and called down a doctor. Why did she do that I asked my self.
“Mr. Daboo Emanuel?” Asked a doctor who appeared about thirty seconds later.
“Yes”. I said waiting for him to tell me how Renee was, I know it wasn’t good because he hesitated to answered my question. I stared at him letting all me emotions come thought my eyes, he stepped back as put my hand in my back pocket. I squeezed my brass knuckles so hard I thought that they would implode.
“I’m sorry to say this but Renee is dead.” That was all he could say before I left the hospital. If I stayed only longer we would need more body bags. I walk out to Johnny’s car and just sit in it. I just sit and reminisce about my boo, just thinking… and wrighting.
Sense you’ve been away.
I haven’t bin the same as we uses to be,
Because before that.
I thought I was whole but I was half and you’re the one that completed me.
Before you.
Never used to know love.
Now when ever I hear the word love you’re the shorty I’m thinking of.
You were my one, my only boo.
Some people don’t know but, gangsters need love too.
But listen here.
I’m from the ghetto so this is how I shed my tears.
It was like nothing I ever felt now suck sadness, such despair. My cell phone rings and it Johnny. “Talk to me Johnny, what do you got?” I say calmly.
“We will be at the North Land train station in an hour, all 83 of us.” Johnny said as he loads a clip.
I smile. It’s amazing how feeling of sorrow can so quickly be changed into feelings of anger when fuelled by visions of revenge. I just smile.
