I know I'm really dumb, but does that matter?
I really freaking like you!
I'm trying to pull up my socks for you, I hope your noticing that!
I'ma always be by your side dear. =)
I'ma gets smarter. Hahaha.
We're going to last I know it!
I also know that I couldn't live without you. =)
Joely Bear, you ish the best and I'ma never gunna leaves you!!!
Such depressing blogs I have.
Like, fack.
Not my fault I can't really talk to someone,
without being looked at like I'm fucking retarded.
Like dude, if I was a fuckin retard I wouldn't be in school, I would be in a mental hospital.
Like I should be now but not for that reason.
Every time I cross the street I BEG to be hit by a car!
Yeah, I know I have great people in my life that I can't let go of right now,
but do they talk to me?
All but one.
I'm only talked to last.
Can't find someone to hangout with you?
Oh, just text Nadine, I can use her to laugh at!
Fuck, no!
I'm sick of this shit!
I don't have anyone to turn to!
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?!
Huh?
Nothing that I know of?
I'm I too loud, too annoying?
No, really thats not me!
No one can tell this is all fucking fake because I'm so god-damned depressing!
Egotistic my ass.
I'm not posting this on here because I want pity, of hell no.
I'm just sick and tired of not having anyone to really talk to, without being stupid.
I can never really talk.
I'm not one for words.
So really, I could care less if I'm your last resort.
I'm busy and depressed enough so how could shit get any worse.
What I love about these blogs,
No one fucking reads them, so whatever.
No big deal.
Could totally just throw myself into a busy street and fall into a coma,
and people will be like,
Why? She was such a happy little girl.
Wrong. So wrong.
Every day I want to end and get it over with, I can't stand being this fake smile.
I fell stupid for writing this blog but can't say this shit to anyone else.
No one would believe me.
I try to make sure everyone else is happy, that I don't actually care for my own happiness.
I'm not selfish, I don't use people and I don't lie!
Why am I being shunned?
I try my best to be with everyone, I do, but I'm so damn busy.
I have issues and really, its the worst.
So whatever.
There is my real depressing rant that no one will real or talk to me about.
Thank God I smile for real now and again.
A random thought came into my mind while I was working today.
I was carrying a knife, and had a sudden urge to cut my tongue.
I have no idea why, but I would have done it, that urge was so strong.
But I didn't do it.
I don't think anyone would have wanted to see a cute tongue and blood everywhere.
I know I wouldn't have.
I want to get away.
I'm glad I'm going to New York on March Break.
I'm so glad I can celebrate my Sweet Sixteen in New York.
I'm so glad I'll be slightly free for about two weeks.
I can't wait.
I'm so excited!
Lol, what a title...
Anyway.
I have to become much more dedicated to what I'm doing.
I say I will be, yet I'm always just letting myself down.
I'm not going to get anywhere if I keep up with what I'm doing.
Like really, shoot me.
I'm so sick and tired of myself.
So pissed off.
Whatever.
I can't really change.
Can I?
Again, this a pointless blog.
Lol, just taking up space.
There are no pictures.
No videos.
Why should anyone read it, right?
Whatever.
No worries. I just need to rant about... everything.
I can't rant about EVERYTHING but I could try.
I'm so sick and tired.
I'm stressed, but I can hide it.
I'm being as mature as I can right now.
I don't know what the hell is going on around me.
Whatever happens, happens then.
I don't understand.
What is wrong.
Honestly, I can not stand this much longer.
Seriously.
I want to be the me that was only a few years ago.
But I can't.
I've become dependent on others.
I'll admit that.
I just don't know what the hell to do anymore.
I have to much support from everyone, yet I don't support myself.
I just can't seem to understand.
I live in the moment.
I live in my head.
I want my dreams to be true.
They are fully fiction, fully fantasy.
I want to be normal.
But I can't.
DON'T CHANGE!
Everyone says.
I can't stand myself!
I want to say.
But I smile and nod, only to say,
I won't, I promise!
What lies.
I'm a lie.
I am fully just a lie.
No, I'm not drunk.
I'm just so upset with myself, and just totally spilling everything!
I can't stand anything any more.
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to go anywhere.
I LIVE IN MY HEAD!
I want to live in my dreams!
I'm just so stressed.
Nobody knows what I have on my shoulders.
What I have to apparently live up to.
FUCK IT!
I say!
I want to live in my dreams!
My black dreams that no one understands!
Nobody knows!
Now they do!
Don't make a big deal out of this though!
I won't be like before, I promise.
I've made that promise.
I don't know how long I actually can keep it though.
I miss it so much!
OMG!
What a blog.
It started innocent, now its stained?
Yeah.
Stained.
Hold me tight,
Before I let go.
Ever heard the expression,
'There are plenty more fish,
In the sea.'
At lunch I hung out with my Codie-Bear.
After school I walked home with Ricky-Bear.
Wanting a snack, I went to Superstore with Ashton.
What a interesting day! Lol.
Sweet cookies mann!!
Since today was the day I joined Nex about a year or so ago,
they gave me a free week of plus!
Awesome mann!!
<3
Thank you Nexopia!!!!
Thanks.
I love being ignored.
Trying to make conversation.
Crack some jokes.
Yet nothing.
I know your busy, but please,
Please take time for me.
I won't annoy you.
