sometimes you wonder if reality is actually what it seems.
Everyone puts up a face. Mine is fake confidence
apparently confidence was never "in" and im always called
"too cocky" or "full of her self." If you actually know me..
you could never say that about me.. There has been so many
times in my life where I have considered myself to be the lowest of lows
and the most hated of all. I use to be suicidal. I use to pop pills. I use to
like to watch myself bleed. It has taken me 3 years to get to the point I
am at now.. and people still continue to tear down the walls i have
learned to build.
All i can say is Don't judge me, until you know me. You really think tearing
down another person is going to make you that much happier? that much
more of a better person then them? Thats one thing i loath doing. i dont
verbally assault someone until they decide that im their target. I realize
that the most cocky people are the ones whos insults that are direct at
other people, actually are completely about themselves. they wallow so
deeply into their own bullshit that they end up eating it themselves. I hate
people who talk shit. Give me proof. Give me a reason. Give me
something that i wont laugh at.

I am who I am.. if you don't like it, then fucking say it to my face

So many things can change your perspective on life. its been such a long time since i've been myself. I need to adapt still. You don't have to read all of this.. just giving a shout out to all my friends.

2 and a half months. thats all i got. i thought maybe it might last longer, because of all the passion. people still ask me if we are going out. some say it still looks like it. i should probably hug you less, eh? But really.. thanks for still talking with me and not being a complete ass, though i really didnt appreciate some of the stuff you said, but thats okay, i said shit too.

This guy! he is so great. i dont know how to describe it, but he is exactly what i need right now. D.P.S, i'm looking forward to ever second i have with you. I hope you know that i feel it too. Even if i don't show it, for reasons i would rather tell you in person, I can't get over the fact how easily you make me stumble.

Cheese! your.. the closest thing i have to a sister at this point in time. thank you for all the advise and for letting me in. I'm soo happy that you defend me xP because that's what sisters are for.. and i really do hope you don't think im using you, because the only way i would be doing that is if i needed a hug.. cause you give good hugs and lol cleavage pillows!!!

Megan you need my nex! because your not gonna be able to read this! But seriously.. i didnt even know who you were tell cheesa said "thats my sister." After that point, when i actually started talking to you, you genuinely seemed concerned about my problems, it made me feel like someone actually cared. lol, even though i feel bad about bloggin them to you. Gah! and getting hugs from you like, a day after i met you, i loved that! i hope you know that your a fucking amazing awesome chica that i will adore and remember well into me 70's..well until i get Alzheimer’s.

Ermm.. lol. Danny! you are the best Brother a gal could ask for! i told you already, and ill keep telling you! thank you for always being there. lol, and now you remember my name, even better. But i still want to be called sista every now and again, k?

Richard T_T you know i have to give you some recognition. You are THE person that drove me out of my slump the first day back to school after my break up. Just getting a big hug and a few gentle words. what else could i have asked for? i pratically started crying because i was so happy. someone actually cared still, and it was you. how could i not grow to like you as much as I do? your "awesomely cute[hardcore] and amazingly funny" or something to that effect xP

I forgot joel! pshht.. thats fine. If i ever dicide to try the stuff, i know who to go to, right? me you and dillon. -wink- Hey, don't get too wasted this weekend, man. oh right! Remember our whole conversation on like.. sexuality a shit? that was the best! dont worry i wont tell anyone.. -wink-
anyways.. i hope you know that i cherish your friendship, and would never think of you as anything more then a brother or a really good friend. your just.. "joel" to me, and i love it that way. so just contine being you, alright?

Oh god im out of thoughts now.. so im done.. if you would like to hear what i think about you, ask!

Ive been a member for the longest, but i never seem to be on this thing unless theres a friend who wants me to add them or something. This is probabaly the only blog that i can write in without Andrew reading. For all of you who dont know who this is, hes a complete teddy bear and i love him very much, but sometimes i do need to talk about things .. that doesnt need to be heard by him.

So.. without making this too long.. im going to speal to you all, k?

First of all, this year i have made awesome friends that i would give the world to if i could, and they know this, cause i tell them ^^ And if i havent told you: Jon, Tyffany, Petrina, Cheesa, and Nicole <3 I love you guys. thanks for letting me be me for the first time in years.

Enough of the cheese, here's my situation. I must be part of a large version of a astral star with a boy in the center. My god! how did i get myself into this predictiment? you know, i blame it on him. he's just.. the kind of guy that i fall for and it just so happens.. that i fell. And you know who you are! and yes, Im jealous! and i hate being jealous, because its a useless emotion that just fucks you and your friends and the person you care about over. let me just say one thing that i havent actually said to him. I really like you. Seeing you troubled is one of the worst things in my day. So, im glad.. that you finally chose someone.. I'm just sad that it wasnt me, and i dont like your excuse, mister. you need a beter one.

So.. low and behold, my first blog. hope your all rivited.