Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

You're right.. I'm lying.
& I can't keep pretending things are alright still.
I found some, A lot, One. That'd treat me just as well as you did.
& maybe he'll do the same things you did, and maybe he wont..
The difference is, It's worth the risk, the try, the patience in starting from scratch.
So why can't I put these bottles down, quit wondering, & be done with you?
I second guess myself, my decisions, my actions every minute.
& Instead of jumping ship and going for it, I need someone to talk to,
Someone to clarify that this is whats good for me.
Cause my own decision of going for you, makes me feel I can't do anything right.


& You're right.. You've made me the happiest i've been for a while now.

You always have a way of turning the tables around.
Our whole relationship got wrecked in the first place cause of you.
& You make me believe its done because of my actions.
I think it was done way before.
I can't believe I even told you all my feelings and begged for forgiveness.
I hope you realize, and regret it.

& for some reason there'll always be room for you..

i don't know what to do..
you made me question everything about this, about me, and about you.
i finally had a little bit of self esteem going for me, but it's back to the lowest low.
it's hard knowing I can't trust you the way i used to, and with you knowing
about past things you still did that...
and you say you love me, but people don't do these kinds of things to people
they love.. so do you really?

I don't know how much longer i can do thiiiss. and it scares me.
Do you think after a while, we'll just stop missing eachother?
it's already reduced to little to no texts a day. Hardly any phonecalls.,
except for when i phone you. Maybe it just gets ruff the last couple of days.
I hope it clears up, and if not... well we both tried right?

This has definately been the best weekend of my life.

friday : Social , was so hammered probably shouldn't have done
alot of things that night lmfaoo. it was so much fun though. I love
you kburn n sorry for leafing you =[
Saturday : wasn't even hung over, started drinking with annie
At about 4 in the afternoon, sobered up a bit until 10 and went to
jenns house , soo much fun. once again soo hammered it
was pretty great!
Sunday : Well not much to do during the morning, got a coffee
to help with my tiny hang over. and cleaned house. at 9 Going out
with matthew again, drinking lemon drops, getting drunk and
going bowling lol. then sleeping at jenns house. Going to be off tha hook lol jk
Monday : Matthews droping me off early in the morning then its
off to gimli maybe go to the viking or just chill on the beach. i am really
excited for that. I can't wait. =)

You just make my day. like fo' realio.
I can't believe I let something so stupid
get in our way.
& Hopefully with time n space we'll
be back where we left off.
... with time. =)

♥

I realized. I love those boys aha.
everryyy one of them.
such a good night, minus me
forgetting soo much shiit lolol .
ILHUFYEWANNEH

Won't be able to get on the comp for a few days so
if anyone needs to get a hold of me text me 226 2472.!
I don't understand myself sometimes I put up with way
too much bullshit from people who don't even deserve
my respect, People i dont even know but are just assholes.
I thought i'd hate this but as soon as i pulled away from
any way of contact it felt so much better. I can't try to make myself
better when there is such a negativity coming from you!
and I don't even care if i talk to you a day in my life, but
I do hope you get all your anger out and you can not take
it out on other people.
GET BETTER ASSHOLE.

Forget , forgotten I am moving past this
giving notice. I have to go, I know the feeling..
know your leaving.

I'm sorry i'm not allowed to be happy and hyper
without being said that I'm doing drugs with my cousin.
and i love trying so hard to make you guys happy
and there will always be accusations.
and thank you for putting drinking before family.
Never again will i try to talk to you.
and you wonder why i'm so self - concious
and just overall hate myself.
i can't even be myself in front of people who "Love me".
- ♥

& maybe i'll find more love in drugs and alcohol
than any of you can ever provide for me.
thanks

I'm not the one to put my heart on my sleeve.
But just so you know.. its here for the taking.
Emotions have never done me any good.
You've got me right where you wanted me again..
right?

Dear friend
Thank you so much for not answer any of my phone
calls and ditching me on this night that you knew about
for a week.
As you can see it means so much to me. =)

p.s. mmm how should i say this..
fuck you?

Weelll during school it was pretty crappy.
but after school i went grocery shopping
with my dad and picked up annie and jordy
to go to polo. Saw Adam, Brock, & Fraser
It was pretty good. But the ride home was even
better. Just having someone I Could talk
to and not feel scared to say anything that
could be thrown around.
I realized Alot of things lately. and one sticks
in my head all the time. Most of my "friends"
now adays are just aquaintences.
Hanging out is a last resort for me. IF they
have nothing else to do .. I miss the days
when it was just us "Crew" Doing Everything
Imaginable.. Am I Missing Out Now?..
"I watch Them All fade away with love in
their embrace.. And i'm left , Left with nothing
But agonizing smiles."
I wish you could realize it's about you.
I would stick by you through this like friends do.
but i just don't feel like a friend to you, just
an aquaintence..
I'll see this coming back at me tmo probably.
Until then i'm going to have myself an amazing sleep.
P.S
I'm glad that we have pasts together dug so deep.
I don't know what i'd do without all of you there
every part of my life pretty much. We've had our
rough times, but now that were growing up we
see that we really gotta pull through for eachother.
& I'm greatful for that.