..........She looks at the clock. It reads 12:55. Sleep should be close, shouldn't it? Never, not in this life. Whispers the voice in her head tauntingly. 12:57. Stop looking at the clock, you fool. If only she could. She should have been asleep hours ago. She rolls over and stares at the wall. The ilimunation casted by the moon plays tricks on her imagination. Sleep, girl, sleep! She turns yet again only to face her pillow. She can still hear the pounding of his heart and taste the salt of his lips. Why? Why him? Why HIM? He is everthing she wants, and everything she doesn't need. She touches her small fingers to her lips. Unsure of what to think. Yet still thinking. Fear clouds her mind. Will I ever be able to be alone with him? Another turn puts her on her back, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered against the ceiling. How did it ever get this complicated? She thinks back to when he said 'I love you.' She knows she can't hurt him. But she can't love him the way he needs it either. If only he knew. She shuts her eyes and wills herself to sleep. All she can see is his face. The face of the one she does love. The face of the one who will never love her back. The one who will never see the real her, the her behind the mask. She opens her eyes and turns her face from the stars. Another silent tear falls down her cheek. It hits her damp pillow with an inaudable splash. She wants to scream. WHY? The room has gone dark. The moon has vanished behind a thick blanket of clouds. With eyes sqeezed shut she curls into a ball. Wishing to rid the world of herself. Slowly, exaustion takes her away. Bit by bit. Memory by memory. Her last vison before she falls into a fit full sleep is of him. The one she has, but doesn't deserve..........
Nearly settled into the new apartment, but oh boy is it ever stressful. Working constantly, barely any time to myself,.... and just when I thought I was all prepared to grow up. Wow, what a shocker. I certainly miss my parents, however I do not miss all the bull shit that I had to put up with in that house...... If only my dad knew. I'm terribly terribly in love to say the least, not too many people can say the same. I do miss the way things used to be, I mean, way back when. When we were young and careless, not giving a fuck, doing whatever we wanted and then having to suffer the consequences. The days where you had that rush because you were doing something you weren't allowed to, and know, you can do whatever the hell you want. I almost wish I could just relive my teenage days. I'd be unemployed, laying in the grass everyday during the summer, with Iron & Wine humming in my ear. Oh boy did I miss out. If I could give advice to anyone, it'd be to "Live life to the fullest." I know, I know, you hear every adult in the human world repeat this, but it's is true. You may truly regret it. And no Forest, I am not saying I regret anything with you, what we have is truly a blessing, and I couldn't ask for anyone more supporting and loving; what I am saying is that I wish it would have lasted longer and that I hadn't been in such a rush to get it over with. Stay young, party, have fun, smoke a fucking joint if it makes you feel good (and no, I am not encouraging substance abuse), just to say the least; enjoy being a kid. Enough with my blabbering, goodnight to all! (:
I deserve more than this. I want more than this. Can't you see? This really needs to start looking up or I'll snap, and that'll be the end of that. Don't tempt me. Change is in bloom. Grad, .... hurry up please!
August 2015 ♥
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still waitin' on that ring... (;
My Grad Dress
(More pics!)
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aaaaaaaaand with me in it!?
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Stupid picture, gotta love the "after work" look, but I couldnt wait, I just love it!
(More pics!)
aaaaaaaaand with me in it!?
Stupid picture, gotta love the "after work" look, but I couldnt wait, I just love it!
<3 <3 <3 Explosion Of Coolness <3 <3 <3
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Dominique! I Haveth Hackethed Youeth! Old School Engrish!!!
So Since You Thought Itd Be Nice To Hack Me And Make Me A Blog
Of Us In My Blog I Decided That I Would Reverse What You Thought
Was Going To Be What Would Have Been A Brilliant Plan But Since You
Were The One Who Hacked Me, I Shall Hack You And Thus Make A Blog
Blogging About Us In The Same Way In Which You Blogged About Me And You
But In My Blog, But In Your Blog And It Will Prove How Much I Love And Hopefully
Confuse You! Because Thats What Im Here For! So Yah, I Love You.
FORERR AND ERR AND ERR AND ERR AND AFTER AND AFTER THAT <3 <3 <3
And Maybe A Lil More After That.
Mr Tree
Dominique! I Haveth Hackethed Youeth! Old School Engrish!!!
So Since You Thought Itd Be Nice To Hack Me And Make Me A Blog
Of Us In My Blog I Decided That I Would Reverse What You Thought
Was Going To Be What Would Have Been A Brilliant Plan But Since You
Were The One Who Hacked Me, I Shall Hack You And Thus Make A Blog
Blogging About Us In The Same Way In Which You Blogged About Me And You
But In My Blog, But In Your Blog And It Will Prove How Much I Love And Hopefully
Confuse You! Because Thats What Im Here For! So Yah, I Love You.
FORERR AND ERR AND ERR AND ERR AND AFTER AND AFTER THAT <3 <3 <3
And Maybe A Lil More After That.
Mr Tree
Weight Plan!
So legit, I am sitting at an uncomfortable 2__ pounds. And it's driving me crazy. I hate skinny girls rubbing it in my face, how they look good in lingerie, naked, in a bikini. All this shit. I hate it. I've hated it my entire life. Always been a big fucking girl, and have never really pushed myself hard enough to loose the weight. Two years ago, I finally did something about it. Ran everynight for three or four months, dropping about 30 pounds. Except this winter, due to having no hockey team, I was unable to keep that weight off. Now I'm up another 30 pounds. I'm sick of living like this. Feeling disgusted with myself. I wanna be able to flaunt my body. To actually feel good about how I look. I'm sick of being "Just a pretty face". I wanna be more than that. I want my boyfriend to think I'm absolutely stunning. But most of all, I just want to do this for me. My goal is to be about 140 lbs. I think that's reasonable. It's not to small, and I know I am built to be a little bigger than most girls. However this means I've got to loose about 80 lbs. To say the least. I don't know. I feel good about this. Grad is coming up right away, and I want to be able to squeeze into my dress better. Until then, I'm gonna work hard to meet this goal.
So legit, I am sitting at an uncomfortable 2__ pounds. And it's driving me crazy. I hate skinny girls rubbing it in my face, how they look good in lingerie, naked, in a bikini. All this shit. I hate it. I've hated it my entire life. Always been a big fucking girl, and have never really pushed myself hard enough to loose the weight. Two years ago, I finally did something about it. Ran everynight for three or four months, dropping about 30 pounds. Except this winter, due to having no hockey team, I was unable to keep that weight off. Now I'm up another 30 pounds. I'm sick of living like this. Feeling disgusted with myself. I wanna be able to flaunt my body. To actually feel good about how I look. I'm sick of being "Just a pretty face". I wanna be more than that. I want my boyfriend to think I'm absolutely stunning. But most of all, I just want to do this for me. My goal is to be about 140 lbs. I think that's reasonable. It's not to small, and I know I am built to be a little bigger than most girls. However this means I've got to loose about 80 lbs. To say the least. I don't know. I feel good about this. Grad is coming up right away, and I want to be able to squeeze into my dress better. Until then, I'm gonna work hard to meet this goal.
I don't know I guess.
It definetly hurts.
And I don't know how to explain it.
You just don't understand.
And I can't explain it so that you can understand.
Maybe I'm over-reacting, maybe I'm not.
I don't even know why it's been bugging me so much.
I guess I'm just to insecure and sensitive to things.
It definetly hurts.
And I don't know how to explain it.
You just don't understand.
And I can't explain it so that you can understand.
Maybe I'm over-reacting, maybe I'm not.
I don't even know why it's been bugging me so much.
I guess I'm just to insecure and sensitive to things.
Are you ready for a long survey that actually has some new questions?Meh.
Did you kissed someone in '09 that has a meaning to you? At the time he meant something to me. Now he's just another face in the hallway. Life happens.
How did you get your last bruise?Errrrrrrrrrrrm, pass on that!
Is there someone who you instantly smile when you receive a message from? Forest Miller. <3
What were you doing at 3AM?Sreepin'.
Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and you’re sure they won’t tell?My boyfriend is my best friend, and besides him, I don't tell alot of people any personal information.
Do you think your life story would make a great movie?It would just be sad, and boring.
Is your room clean?For once.
Is there a night you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?So many! Maybe then he wouldn't be gone. )':
Could you date someone taller than you?Hellaz Yea!
Do you believe in true love?Ofcourse!
Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings?I keep my mouth shut.
Are you a sexual person?Lol, surprisingly yes AHA!
When was the last time you laughed?I don't remember.
Do you like someone right now?Only Forest.
Are you anything like you were at this point last year?Not even remotely close.
When's your birthday?February 19th, 1993.
When was the last time you were on the phone after 2AM?Last week?
Who were you talking to?Just Forest.
Is it more common for you to follow your heart or your mind?Depends. My head likes to throw me off course, and make me all confused about my heart.
When was the last time you gave your number to someone?LOL, never.
First person to speak to you in 2011?Forest (:
Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to?More than ever )':
What would your name be with the first three letters?Dom.
Do you have any siblings? So many!
Are you the youngest?Second oldest actually.
What were you doing at 12 this afternoon?Ragin'.
Do you keep your relationship status to yourself?Never!
What were you doing at 12AM last night?Actually went to bed.
Last time you were on the phone?Lunch time.
Are your lips chapped?Naw.
What's your favorite season?Summer, for once.
Made any new regrets this year?Plenty.
When was the last time you cried really really hard?Last night )':
Who was the last person you talked to in person?Sister.
Is it easy to make you cry?Extremely.
Can you honestly say you're okay right now?Nope.
Do you tell people you're okay when you're really not?Yep.
Are you taller than your mom?Lol, yes.
Lose a best friend lately?Awhile ago now.
Do you want to see someone this very minute?Oh so badly!
Have you ever seen a play?Yupperdoodle.
What schools have you gone to?Thorsby Elementary, Thorsby Highschool, New Humble Center School and Calmar Secondary School. I've been everywhere.
Did the last person you touched lips with have a tattoo?He can pretend, aha!
Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?Nope.
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Warm weather these days, got circulation issues, so I'm always cold.
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?A youngin' hopefull early twenties?
Would you rather watch football or baseball?Neither.
Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?Not anymore. If I wasn't me, I'd have to watch someone be in love with the love of my life. And that's heart breaking.
What is the weather like today?Warm.
Are there some friends that you think you will always be close to?Fuck friends.
Would you rather lose your best friend or your soul mate?They're the same person O:
Do you think people who pay hundreds of dollars on perfume are ridiculous?Yea?
What is the last thing you tried on in a store?Shirts. Feel bad about buyin' them now.
Do you know who Georgia Nicholson is? No.
Do you ever sleep through your alarm?Meh.
What is the dominant color in the room you're in?Blue.
Do you think Sophia Bush is a good actress?No.
When did you realize you are no longer a child?About 8.
Is sleeping naked more comfortable then in clothes?Sure, but I need socks, or my feet get clamy AHA!
Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of themHmmmmmm.
Does your best friend wear makeup?He's a dude LOL.
What is your morning routine?Shower, blow dry hair, straighten, brush teeth, make up, get dressed and ditch.
Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out,or more,with someone? Yea..
Do you prefer to fix the problems or just end the relationship?
With Forest, I want to fix the problems.
What are you thinking about right now?Forest.
Have you ever accidentally stepped on a cat tail?Yeah D:
Did they meow really loud?Yes LOL.
Did you know that when a worm is cut in two both pieces grow again and continue living?Lol, yea.
Do veggies gross you out?Nope, i love veggies !
Do you know what Bluekaffee is?No idea.
Chicken burger, fish burger or ham burger?Hamburger.
What is the best brand of ketchup?Yuck.
Would you run down the street completely naked for 1,000$?No LOL.
Have you ever dated someone in secret?Not really.
How many people do you like right now?Just my boy obviously.
What is something all relationships need to be healthy?Trust.
Do you bring pillows and blankets on road trips?Try to.
If a stranger adds you on facebook, do you add them back?Depends.
Does walking by yourself make you nervous?Depends. Most days.
When dog's bark, do you think it actually sounds like 'ruff'?LOL, what!?
What about when cows moo?Kayp.
How far is the airport from your house?45 mins.
CSI or Criminal Minds?Criminal minds !
Can you make cookies from scratch?Yup! (:
Do you ever send people good morning texts?Just one special one!
Did you like your first crush first or did they like you first?I was a lone wolf.
Do you kiss your pets?Oftourse! I love her!
Have you ever forgotten where you parked your car?Not really.
Does your leg itch right now?Kinda.
What's worse then a stomach flu?Cramps.
Can you fall asleep in cars?Lol, only after I've been in it mackin' face for five hours AHA!
Why did you go to church the last time you went?To see Forest's family and church mates d:
Who made you supper last night?I didn't eat.
Do you say mag or magazine?Magazine.
Would you rather marry someone repulsive or be alone forever?LOL, am I in love with the 'repulsive' person?
Would your parents approve of you dating someone of a different race?Maybe........
Whose the richest person you know?Me papi.
How old is the oldest person you know?Dunno.
Do you think Americans are pigs?AHA!
What was on the last sandwich you ate?Tuckey, mayo, mozza and lettuce.
Whose the last person who asked your name?Picture guy.
Remember the loot bags you used to get at birthdays? Weren't they awesome?Meh.
Who has it easier: adults or teenagers? Why?Life sucks for everyone.
What's the last thing you spent over twenty dollars on?Tunnels.
Would you be sad if you were 50 and still not married?Oh I'll be married!
Do you know anyone with a million middle names?Forest Krue Aarron Lawrence Miller.
Are brand name food items really better then store brand ones?Naw.
Is caeser salad the best kind of salad?Hell no.
Is it dark out yet?Yup.
Do you believe that love is just an excuse to get hurt?No?
Is there a Booster Juice in your city?Leduc, half hour away ):
If its called INTERNATIONAL house of pancakes, why isnt there one in Canada?IUNNO! )':
Do hugs help when you're sad?Oftourse!
Do you buy more things online or in stores?Stores.
What is the best thing to eat with fish?Mayo!
Isn't it annoying when people treat music like a trend?Yea?
Do online dating sites ever work?Not really.
Did you kissed someone in '09 that has a meaning to you? At the time he meant something to me. Now he's just another face in the hallway. Life happens.
How did you get your last bruise?Errrrrrrrrrrrm, pass on that!
Is there someone who you instantly smile when you receive a message from? Forest Miller. <3
What were you doing at 3AM?Sreepin'.
Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and you’re sure they won’t tell?My boyfriend is my best friend, and besides him, I don't tell alot of people any personal information.
Do you think your life story would make a great movie?It would just be sad, and boring.
Is your room clean?For once.
Is there a night you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?So many! Maybe then he wouldn't be gone. )':
Could you date someone taller than you?Hellaz Yea!
Do you believe in true love?Ofcourse!
Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings?I keep my mouth shut.
Are you a sexual person?Lol, surprisingly yes AHA!
When was the last time you laughed?I don't remember.
Do you like someone right now?Only Forest.
Are you anything like you were at this point last year?Not even remotely close.
When's your birthday?February 19th, 1993.
When was the last time you were on the phone after 2AM?Last week?
Who were you talking to?Just Forest.
Is it more common for you to follow your heart or your mind?Depends. My head likes to throw me off course, and make me all confused about my heart.
When was the last time you gave your number to someone?LOL, never.
First person to speak to you in 2011?Forest (:
Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to?More than ever )':
What would your name be with the first three letters?Dom.
Do you have any siblings? So many!
Are you the youngest?Second oldest actually.
What were you doing at 12 this afternoon?Ragin'.
Do you keep your relationship status to yourself?Never!
What were you doing at 12AM last night?Actually went to bed.
Last time you were on the phone?Lunch time.
Are your lips chapped?Naw.
What's your favorite season?Summer, for once.
Made any new regrets this year?Plenty.
When was the last time you cried really really hard?Last night )':
Who was the last person you talked to in person?Sister.
Is it easy to make you cry?Extremely.
Can you honestly say you're okay right now?Nope.
Do you tell people you're okay when you're really not?Yep.
Are you taller than your mom?Lol, yes.
Lose a best friend lately?Awhile ago now.
Do you want to see someone this very minute?Oh so badly!
Have you ever seen a play?Yupperdoodle.
What schools have you gone to?Thorsby Elementary, Thorsby Highschool, New Humble Center School and Calmar Secondary School. I've been everywhere.
Did the last person you touched lips with have a tattoo?He can pretend, aha!
Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?Nope.
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Warm weather these days, got circulation issues, so I'm always cold.
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?A youngin' hopefull early twenties?
Would you rather watch football or baseball?Neither.
Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?Not anymore. If I wasn't me, I'd have to watch someone be in love with the love of my life. And that's heart breaking.
What is the weather like today?Warm.
Are there some friends that you think you will always be close to?Fuck friends.
Would you rather lose your best friend or your soul mate?They're the same person O:
Do you think people who pay hundreds of dollars on perfume are ridiculous?Yea?
What is the last thing you tried on in a store?Shirts. Feel bad about buyin' them now.
Do you know who Georgia Nicholson is? No.
Do you ever sleep through your alarm?Meh.
What is the dominant color in the room you're in?Blue.
Do you think Sophia Bush is a good actress?No.
When did you realize you are no longer a child?About 8.
Is sleeping naked more comfortable then in clothes?Sure, but I need socks, or my feet get clamy AHA!
Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of themHmmmmmm.
Does your best friend wear makeup?He's a dude LOL.
What is your morning routine?Shower, blow dry hair, straighten, brush teeth, make up, get dressed and ditch.
Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out,or more,with someone? Yea..
Do you prefer to fix the problems or just end the relationship?
With Forest, I want to fix the problems.
What are you thinking about right now?Forest.
Have you ever accidentally stepped on a cat tail?Yeah D:
Did they meow really loud?Yes LOL.
Did you know that when a worm is cut in two both pieces grow again and continue living?Lol, yea.
Do veggies gross you out?Nope, i love veggies !
Do you know what Bluekaffee is?No idea.
Chicken burger, fish burger or ham burger?Hamburger.
What is the best brand of ketchup?Yuck.
Would you run down the street completely naked for 1,000$?No LOL.
Have you ever dated someone in secret?Not really.
How many people do you like right now?Just my boy obviously.
What is something all relationships need to be healthy?Trust.
Do you bring pillows and blankets on road trips?Try to.
If a stranger adds you on facebook, do you add them back?Depends.
Does walking by yourself make you nervous?Depends. Most days.
When dog's bark, do you think it actually sounds like 'ruff'?LOL, what!?
What about when cows moo?Kayp.
How far is the airport from your house?45 mins.
CSI or Criminal Minds?Criminal minds !
Can you make cookies from scratch?Yup! (:
Do you ever send people good morning texts?Just one special one!
Did you like your first crush first or did they like you first?I was a lone wolf.
Do you kiss your pets?Oftourse! I love her!
Have you ever forgotten where you parked your car?Not really.
Does your leg itch right now?Kinda.
What's worse then a stomach flu?Cramps.
Can you fall asleep in cars?Lol, only after I've been in it mackin' face for five hours AHA!
Why did you go to church the last time you went?To see Forest's family and church mates d:
Who made you supper last night?I didn't eat.
Do you say mag or magazine?Magazine.
Would you rather marry someone repulsive or be alone forever?LOL, am I in love with the 'repulsive' person?
Would your parents approve of you dating someone of a different race?Maybe........
Whose the richest person you know?Me papi.
How old is the oldest person you know?Dunno.
Do you think Americans are pigs?AHA!
What was on the last sandwich you ate?Tuckey, mayo, mozza and lettuce.
Whose the last person who asked your name?Picture guy.
Remember the loot bags you used to get at birthdays? Weren't they awesome?Meh.
Who has it easier: adults or teenagers? Why?Life sucks for everyone.
What's the last thing you spent over twenty dollars on?Tunnels.
Would you be sad if you were 50 and still not married?Oh I'll be married!
Do you know anyone with a million middle names?Forest Krue Aarron Lawrence Miller.
Are brand name food items really better then store brand ones?Naw.
Is caeser salad the best kind of salad?Hell no.
Is it dark out yet?Yup.
Do you believe that love is just an excuse to get hurt?No?
Is there a Booster Juice in your city?Leduc, half hour away ):
If its called INTERNATIONAL house of pancakes, why isnt there one in Canada?IUNNO! )':
Do hugs help when you're sad?Oftourse!
Do you buy more things online or in stores?Stores.
What is the best thing to eat with fish?Mayo!
Isn't it annoying when people treat music like a trend?Yea?
Do online dating sites ever work?Not really.
Forest has official moved out. The tears just fall whenever. I don't care. I want him back already, back into my arms. Five months seems like forever to be apart. I've never been in a long distance relationship && already, I absolutely hate it. I spent everyday with him for months. && now, I get to spend most of the next five months, by myself.... super. My life before was no where near being even remotely awesome, && now it kinda seems like that now. I get to see him next friday, and Ima hold him in my arms all weekend. Even better, is he's out for my 18th,.... I guess two weekends together isn't too bad. Just wish the time would fly by.......
iloveyou. ♥
For those who haven't seen it yet.
I absolutely love it! ♥
I absolutely love it! ♥