you know that i love you
and you say that you love me too
but i just don't feel it
or see it
because there is no effort
its so one sided
and it hurts to be in this constant state of confusion and possible rejection
do i make myself to available?
or not available enough?
not flexible enough to work around your schedule?
well guess what i have a schedule too
I cant keep bending mine to fit yours
I'm about to break
and i cant do it anymore
I'm giving up
yes, me, the one that always makes the effort
constantly
no matter what
maybe thats the problem, i seem needy/clingy/whatever
but i don't think so
maybe you just don't know how friendship should work
maybe you've always been the person that everyone calls
and wants to be around
and never has to put in the effort to pick up the phone
or have the anxiety of thinking about why calls/texts haven't been returned
maybe you just always have so many people wanting to spend time with you that you don't think about me
or anyone besides yourself
does that make you selfish?
I'm not sure
but I know what it makes me,
it makes me sad
that you can't be bothered with me
unless i make the first move
not even the first move, the second and third as well
and guess what
I'm tired
exhausted
and I can't do it anymore
I have things happening in my life now, its no longer at a standstill where I have time to waste in trying to make you see [the value of] my friendship
to make you see me
because I think if you can't/don't see it by now
that you NEVER will
and I cannot spend anymore of my time wondering if my effort will ever be reciprocated
because I saw the answer a long time ago
I saw it and didn't want to admit it because of how I felt about our friendship
but I can't deny it anymore
you obviously don't care about me as much as I thought
at least thats what I am seeing
so now, I'm leaving it up to you
balls in your court
you decide if I'm worth having in your life
if the answer is yes then I welcome your friendship with open arms
if not, then thank you for the beautiful memories
and being a significant part of my life