yesterday, while taking a shower and listening to music playing from my ipod stereo that was seated on my toilet, my mood changed drasicly from an apathetic grey to a deep dark blue when the song "first day of my life" by bright eyes opened. I had just finished washing the conditioner out of my hair, and was ready to get out and dry off when my heart fell 30 stories. i fell with it, and ended up sitting on the floor of my bath tub, with the shower head above me raining down treated water in a pitiful imitation of dark rain clouds. i sat. listening. thinking. water poured around me and down over my face. i thought of the time i sat on top of cohens. with the rain coming down, i was soaked that night. i realised how much i wanted to share this moment with someone, i thought: they could sit across from me, and we could look into each others eyes, and i wouldnt be lonely.I fantasized inviting a particular girl to sit in the rain with me, then lead her to my bathtub where we could sit and talk, our clothes soaking wet, showerhead pounding above us. I kept thinking: when will be the first day of my life? I'm too mistrustful. I think i'll be alone for quite a long time to come. I deffinately won't be putting my ipod on shuffle next time.

i believe that if god did exist,
he's either dead
or insane

one of the happiest moments of my life was being dropped in the middle of a crowd-surf as this song slowed down.. landing next to a girl who Ive never seen before in my life, i looked into her eyes. And the attraction i felt there was unbearable. a thousand galaxies lay within her eyes, and none of them would i ever come even close to exploring. we kissed deeply, without saying a word; somethings you can't express in words; it's like kissing in the rain, while a romanticism and a cliche, there is something deep down that makes it feel so goddamn special. almost as if nothing else mattered but here and now. And at that moment that's all that did matter to me, here and now; the soft fall of her lips on mine, the touch of her dark hair...

Then "goodbye goodnight" was sung and the music kicked back in. we were both pulled to our feet by unwavering bandits; people in the mosh Pitt. The music took hold of her, them, and I; We were swept our separate ways. I never saw her again, but for that brief moment i was in heaven. Even though From my experience, it rains in heaven all day long; i like it that way

a smile that taught the stars how to shine
indeed that would be a wonderful find
a smile so bright that all could see
not just beauty but the very epitome

a smile so bright as to out shine the stars
a blinding light too strong to behold
at night how would i sleep? and who to withhold?
with a light so bright as to block the plight
of Jupiter, Mercury, Venus and mars

but such a thing is unheard
i't not what i seek or require
i'd much rather beauty in the whispering word
that is my hearts true desire

so speak ye not of the fire that burns in the sky
as one to a liar whom we teach how to shine
hearts rent with desire; they die
burning hearts burning fire,
will it be his, yours or mine?

My empty promises
Lead to our demise
I can never tell you how I really feel
And for that, I eternally apologize

I hope you never forget the taping at your window
With the harsh cold and the jealousy running through my bones
We were both selfish
But I think I was more

I would like to thank you
For showing me
A part of the world
that I have never seen

We were young and dumb
But it still was fun
I guess these things just tend to fall apart
And I hope you feel the same

My empty promises
My empty promises
Brought us to an end
You just hurt me and I never looked back
Now I hve no logic to defend

I hope you never forget the tapping at your window

And I would like to thank you
For showing me
A part of the world
I have never seen

I was young and dumb
But it still was fun
And I'm forever in debt to you
I hope you feel the Same

You seemed like such a big part
Of my life
And my heart

But the truth is I found something new
And she easily
Towers over you

when we walked on the tracks
dead tree leaves crunching underfoot
my heavy heart floated next to yours
you were so close
but i wish you were closer

i glanced at your face,
you stared into my eyes

im not yet ready for this
not yet another forsaken kiss
but the attraction is there
someday we'll make it i swear

dark night
endless flight
stomach tight
another fight
my heart in sight
tells you how im feeling
it's bruised and bleeding

its like falling face-first into a bed of broken glass

it's like ten thousand paper cuts soaked in vinegar

it's like an open wound sealed with dripping candle wax

it's like a growing bleeding cyst inside your stomach

it's like being slowly eaten by scavenger birds of the desert

it's like burning alive while fire ants dance inside your skull nipping, and tearing

it's like diving into a pool of acid and realizing that you couldn't swim in the first place

it's like being skinned alive and marenated while a butcher cooks you on a spit

it's like being strangled to death and in the last breath of your life your friend reveal his traitorous face (i know the face)

it's being lonely

it's untold pain

it's loving you

and it fucking hurts

i notice
week is a symbol
of how i use my time

i know this
weak is the name
of how i use my rhyme

i notice,
i know this,
i wanted, resented
telling the world im doing just fine
without you

but

when i see you
my heart rises in my chest
your smile...
oh how i long for your caress

you dont know i feel this way
you dont see me as i see you
but thats okay
you still love him i know thats true

but i could help you off the ground
i could help you off the ground
and i'd never let you fall down and drown

you could fly with me
on my steel wings ill hold you up
im a better pilot then he will ever be
at least
ill try to be

isn't that better then what he would?

i can be what ever you want me to be
just let me...
(let you do what?)
just let me...
(what?)
just let me be the one
that makes you happy

do you know i want you?
i want you to (i want you too?)
do you know i need you?
i need you to (i need you too?)
do you know i-

my mind keeps racing
shes softly dreaming
im straight and sober
but theres noone listening
to me at all

It's been a year
Filled with problems
But now you're here
Almost as if to solve them
I can't live in a world without you now

All my life
I've been searching for you
How did I survive?
In this world before you?
I don't wanna live another day without you now

This is the best thing
The best thing that could be happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's
Happening to you and me

All I'm gonna have
Is all that you can give me
And I'll give right back
Everything that I have in me
nothing ever felt as right
As this does right now

I'll go back to before we met
Try and erase the past
Try harder to forget because
Nothing will ever be as good as here and now

when I looked into your eyes
And you dared to stare right back
You should've said "Nice to meet you, I'm your other half"

I Always knew
I'd find someone
I never dreamt
It'd be like this
You've surpassed
All that I've hoped for and ever wished
And I'm trying
So hard
With all my heart and mind
To make your life
As good as you've made mine

This is the best thing
The best thing that could be happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's
Happening to you and me

i do this from time to time
where i wake from a bad dream
i do this from time to time
where i say things i dont mean
i do this from time to time
when i lie awake and can't sleep
i do this from time to time
when i like to think of you and me

LA DA DA DA-DA

one million years ago
i wasn't here
ancient creatures ruled the earth
with sharp tusks and pointed teeth
they ruled with a savage paw

i didnt matter then

one hundred thousand years ago
i wasn't here
woolly hills migrated and monkeys fucked
with wild and animalistic vigor
they reproduced with a strange face

i sure as hell didnt matter then either

ten thousand years ago
i wasn't here
a semblance of men emerged from a primal state
with great tenacity and thought
they seeked out knowledge

my knowledge wasn't even of consequence

one thousand years ago
i wasn't here
man faught and built a great empire, building ever forward into the future
with knowledge and wisdom
they toiled and searched for the answers

i didn't stand by they're side

one hundred years ago
i wasn't here
man ruled:

he fucked, and thought
he built and faught

expanding to encompass the earth
with themselves as the only obstacle
they could only grow

none of them thought of me
none of them built a shrine for me
nor did they fuck for me
nor did they fight for me

It wasn't my time

Ten years ago
naught but a child
eyes full of fear and curiosity
with an awkward innocence
i saw the world
and i thought i owned it

i didnt own it

one thousand years from now
i wont be here
man may be still thriving
with science and technology never dreamed of
they may take to the stars

But ill be long gone and i wont matter one bit

your an empty girl
love is what i lust
lust is what you love
they are not the same.

Love
is friendship
is a companion
its someone to be there for
its someone who is there
its the person you can hold that makes it all alright

lust
is sex
is a deep want
its passion and desire
it's heat and warmth,
it's a summer breeze

but when the passion dies down
and summer turns to fall
;the breeze gets chilly
what is left then?

very little

so than
aim for friendship
thats what i aim for
dont ask me things like

want to fuck?
if you could do one thing with me what would it be?

show me that you mean what you say
and that you say what you mean

show me that you lust for my love
not that you love my lust

In summer we lay beneath the trees
A cool wind playing with our hair
Your head is resting upon my knees
And I adore the smile there

But now the sun is setting
Our sky is turning gray
And I fear you’ll be forgetting
I ever took your breath away

Kiss me
As if you’ll never see me again
Hold me
Like when you said that we’d never end
Save me
I need someone to make this all right
Kiss me
Please, please, I need to taste you tonight

Our light has left us to the dark
The stars are dancing in the sky
We lay beneath a million sparks
Shamed by the fire in your eyes

But now the moon is rising
Our sky is growing black
And it wouldn’t be surprising
If you someday turned your back

Kiss me
As if you’ll never see me again
Hold me
Like when you said that we’d never end
Save me
I need someone to make this all right
Kiss me
Please, please, I need to taste you tonight

And I will miss you
In each and every moment you’re gone
And I will love you
No matter how much you do me wrong
What else am I supposed to do?

Kiss me
As if you’ll never see me again
Hold me
Like when you said that we’d never end
Kiss me
You know you want to make this all right
Kiss me
Please, please, I need to taste you tonight

a name
thats all it takes
you take your taste of fame
i only see fakes

sorrow, regret
fill my head
why cant i forget?
i want your memory dead

moving fast
my thoughts are painful
ghosts of the past
a devil, my angel