I'm Sarah. I'm short, and I have a bad taste in music. I like people, and I hate violence. I like cartoons, and comedies. I'm a nice person, but only when respected. If you're going to talk behind my back, screw you. Music and Friends are my life. What's a life without them? I drink, I do drugs. I smoke cigarettes. I don't like smoking, but I do it anyways...like anybody else on this fvcking planet that smokes. I like the sound of classical music, some punk, metal, and pretty much any other music. I can see talent in any art form, no matter how bad it seems to be. I'm open-minded, in more ways than one. I like meeting new people, and making new friends. I like listening to my discman, and I hate it when people hit on me on the train when they're 50 years older than me...especially when they interrupt my music listening to do it. I don't like drunks, although I do drink a lot. Sex is awesome, yet overrated.


It really sickens me. Day by day my life goes by, and all I can do is think about how much fun everybody else in this world is having. I have fun times myself, but I worry way to much about what others think of me, whether or not they'll want to hang out with me again, and infinate number of negative things. I then wonder why it is that I've never had a boyfriend my entire life. I get hurt time and time again, and I know it's because I open myself up way too easily. The person that I have feelings for then tells me that they don't have the same sort of feelings and I hurt yet again.

I once heard that emotions are addictive. When something you think was wonderful comes to an end, you suffer through withdrawls, and will suffer those withdrawls until you get over that addiction. I then wonder why it is that I let myself become obsessed with that wonderful/horrible drug call lust and tell myself that it's the same reason that I do any drug: because while you're on it, you feel free. You feel @ harmony. You're happy. And for just a second I think to myself it's worth it. But, it really isn't. I could have a fucking awesome friendship with any of the guys I've had sex with in the past, but it won't be to it's full potential because I can't get out of my head how much I liked that person such a short time ago.

I believe now that lust is much more addictive than any other drug on this planet. The withdrawls you have are on you're entire body: your brain; because you are constantly thinking about the person; your heart; you feel it lower on your chest, and for that long recovery preiod you are constantly dragging your heart on the floor, picking up as much filth as you can to cover up the bleeding. It's also withdrawls physically. People crave the sense of touch. Sex is beautiful, and while some people do it out of love, it's ALWAYS because touch feels so fantastic to the human body.

I met a hippy yesterday. He had long drreads, and was one of the more intellegent (either that or one of the most coinceded) people I've ever met in my entire life (yet the idea of this could very well have been because of the infliction on LSD we were enduring in), and I didn't even say much to him at all. I was listening to my discman, and he came up to me and gave me a piece of paper. All it did was explain what he was trying to do for a living. A 9-5 job wasn't good for him, so he made a "hippy mag" (as Jono and I call it), and was trying to sell his artwork so that he could live. I never really had much to say to him, but I sat with him until my friend got to the train station. While waiting I told him that I'm sorry that I wasn't that talkitive, but I've been waiting at the station for the past 2 hours of my life and it was starting to take an edge on me. He just that "sometimes you don't even need words", ( and he continued with many other cliche anologies during the span of our short converstion), and we sat in comfortable silence until the next train came. He ended up giving us the magazine.

I wonder if he was ever like me, or if he was always a brilliant man, even as a child of 17? Did he ever feel addicted to lust? Did he ever hurt the way I hurt every day of my life? Or did he never care about money, and just lived like a hippy? Did he finish hish school, the way I've been working so hard to establish my entire life? He's just an ordinary person, like myself, but he has an open perspective (either that or a very ego-tistical) on life, and constantly tries to succeed in the meaning of life: to be as happy as you can, to meet friends and be loved...

And that just brings me back to my main concept of this journal. Love. It's so addictive, and everybody wants it, but everybody is too scared to try to realize what it really is. Everybody needs love. Everybody. No matter how hardcore you are, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you really don't need it, it's just something that you know that you have to have. What's the point on surviving if nobody wants to give you the time of day? If nobody knows who you are, if you don't know anybody, then the meaning of your life completely diminishes. You're miserable because you have no contact to the Outer World, you have no friends, no reason to walk, because you're constantly in the shadows. And nobody realizes that you fall into the shadows because you never opened yourself up. Circles. If you open yourself up you're miserable when you're rejected, but if you don't open yourself up, you're still miserable because nobody could ever possibly truely "love" a person they don't know.

It fucking sickens me.




Wanna see more pictures? http://www.fotolog.net/mohawk_bloodclot
Wanna get inside my head? http://www.livejournal.com/users/forever_in_lust


"I had a friend once, he took some acid, now he's thinks he's a fire engine, it's okay, until he pisses on your lighter, kinda smells kinda cool, kinda funny anyway"
"SATAN, SATAN, SATAN......"
I had a friend once, he took some ecstacy...he tryed to marry me and everyone in the room....he was sorta loving, kinda caring, kinda tryed to fuck my lazyboy.....it got a bit messy, all over the curtains, armchaircovers, throw pillows and carpeting........"
"I'm getting bored I'm getting bored...I'm getting bored......."

Always Remember: Stress and Worry, That's What Puts Age On You. Now Time, Time's Just a Reminder That We Aren't Here Forever.

Bands I like:

-Amon Amarth
-A Perfect Circle
-Annihilator
-Aphex Twin
-Arch Enemy
-Arrogant Worms
-Banished
-Big Dumb Face
-Black Sabbath
-Black Wednesdays (Local Calgary *heartheart*)
-Cannibal Corpse
-Carcass
-Carpathian Forest
-Children of Bodom
-Clit 45
-Cock Sparrer
-Cradle of Filth
-Cryptopsy
-Darkthrone
-Deicide
-Demented Are Go
-Devildriver
-DragonForce
-Dresden Dolls
-Dying Fetus
-Exhumed
-Finntroll
-GBH
-Gigantic Brain
-Gothic Archies
-Gwar
-Infected Mushroom
-Kreator
-Kyuss
-Leftover Crack
-Mayhem
-Megadeth
-Metallica
-Misfits
-Mr. Bungle
-Necrophagist
-Nine Inch Nails
-Nirvana
-Our Common Struggle
-Ozzy
-Pantera (RIP Dimebag Darrel, you were one of the greats)

-Pink Floyd
-Primus
-Rancid
-Radiohead
-Revolution ( www.revolutionband.ca )
-Shpongle
-Slayer
-Sodom
-Soulfly
-Spineshank
-Strapping Young Lad
-System of a Down
-Sublime
-Suffokate
-Tenacious D
-The Birthday Massacre
-The Gothic Archies
-Turmion Katilot
-TOOL
-Vader
-Valour
-VNV Nation
-And A Whole Lot More
-A lot of local bands


-I like my boyfriend, a lot.

Concerts and Shows
Been to:
-Snowjam 2000
-Bad Religion/Casualties
-Warped Tour 2003
-Planet Smashers
-AFI
-Metallica
-Opeth
-Distillers
-Warped Tour 2004
-Casualties with OCS *heartheart*
-Cradle of Filth w/ Arch Enemy
-Planet Smashers with Guttermouth <--- crappiest show EVER
-Warped Tour 2005
-Gigantour! w/ Fear Factory, Anthrax, and Megadeth
-JUDAS PRIEST w/ Anthrax
-Exhumed
-GWAR with Devildriver
-Kreator w/ Napalm Death
-Opeth w/Devildriver
-Arch Enemy w/ Chaimara, Hate Eternal, and God Forbid
-Ministry
-SLAYER w/ Lamb of God, Children of Bodom, Mastadon, and Thine Eyes Bleed
Rob Zombie w/ Anthrax
TOOL
Celtic Frost
Fear Factory w/ Suffocation, Hypocrisy and Decapitated

Upcoming Biggies:
Wacken 2007

-Musicals are awesome

-I like it when I find tickets to a good show I wanted to attend just a few days before the show

-Learning/trying new things

-Drinking

-Seeing Star Wars on premiering day...and again a couple days later...and again a couple days after that...

"You know girls...it's not Halloween!"

-The bruises you get all over your body from the pit at a show

-Dancing/new scenes.

-PIRATES! Yarrr!

-New friends, meeting people, people who like me for who I am, not for how I dress.

-Piercings:11 (middle lip 10g), septum 14g (though I don't wear it), bridge 14g, tongue 14g. Earlobs stretched, 11/16". Left lobe, two at 14g. Right conch 8g, sternum 14g, Right tragus 14g))

-Vampire bangs

-Dreadlocks

-Reaquainting yourself with old friends

-Star Trek, TNG

-I LOVE SOUTH PARK. Like a lot.

-Invader Zim


-ZOMBIES

Zombie Walk 2006


Zombie Walk 2005

-Making a positive impact on somebodys' life.

-Drinking a big glass of cold milk REALLY fast.

-New Piercings



-I like hugging people...but I don't like it when I have to get stitches in result of giving somebody a hug. Damn you and your sharp chin Jono!


F*UCK OFF OR I'LL EAT YOUR HEAD!!!

God: "Hello Osama?"
Osama: "Yes God"
God: "Osama.. did you hear about the tsunami?"
Osama: "Yes"
God "Beat that you prick.."





Stoner Etiquette
1. If someone smokes you up, you must smoke them up in the future. No one likes a mooch.
2. Whoever rolls/packs the bowl gets the first hit.
3. Whoever brought the weed gets the second hit. (If the person who brought the weed rolls/packs, they don't get two hits.)
4. Never break the rotation. If it's passed on the left, pass to the left. You can change the rotation when a new bowl is packed, however.
5. Never go to someone's house expecting to get smoked up.
6. If someone rolls a nice joint/blunt, complement them on it.
7. Don't spill the bong water!
8. If you do spill the bong water, clean it up, and refill the water
9. Don't complain about someone's weed. If you don't like it, don't smoke it.
10. Don't bogart the bowl.
11. Don't take multiple hits, unless it's agreed on and everyone's taking multiple hits (sometimes called "European Style").
12. Don't be stingy with your weed. If you've got weed, share the wealth. However, don't feel like you've got to smoke everyone up every time; it's your weed, and it's not cool if someone's always cutting into your stash
13. Never chug the bong water. That shit is just nasty.
14. Never use the excuse "I'm so high". It'll just make you sound like a dumbass, and people will think you're an idiot when you're stoned.
15. If someone asks for a sip of your drink, let them have one. Cottonmouth is a bitch.
16. If you're taking a sip of someone's drink, don't take a huge gulp.
17. If you've got people over at your house, grab something to munch on. It doesn't have to be much - a bag of chips, some crackers, anything.
18. If you're at someone's house, always ask first before grabbing food. Don't just start grabbing stuff out of the cupboards, 'cuz. they've probably got better stuff to spend their money on (Like more weed).
19. Whoever's house it is, picks the music. Same for movies, TV. and the like.
20. Don't overlip the joints. No one wants a soggy joint.
21. Don't pass a cashed bowl without letting the next person know it's cashed (i.e. "I think it might be cashed")
22. Don't cough into the pipe/bong.
23. For the love of God, don't drop the bowl/bong, especially if it's glass.
24. If you're too stoned to light it, get someone else to help you. (And no, that doesn't mean you get free hits for lighting it).
25. Don't hold the bowl while telling a long story. Hit, then talk.
26. Don't annoy a stoned person. If they're chilling, don't come yell at them or try and mess with them.
27. When using a bong, clear the chamber before passing. Stale smoke blows.
28. Don't pack seeds or stems. Seeds give you headaches, can kill your high, and explode like popcorn.
29. If you're gonna cough, don't do it until you've passed the bowl.
30. If someone passes on a round, don't assume they're not smoking on the next one. Always offer them a hit.
31. If you're at someone's house, ask before lighting up a cig. Just 'cuz they smoke weed inside doesn't mean it's cool to smoke cigs inside.
32. Always remember to thank a person who has gotten you high.
33. When someone is hitting, don't make them laugh.
34. When at someone's house, ask how they want you to ash the bowl. Don't just assume you can blow it out.
35. When buying weed, it's polite to roll a joint (even just a small one) with that person.
36. The best way to finish a roach is in a bowl. Burnt fingers suck.
37. It's nice if you can bring some munchies to a session. Don't count on other people to bring stuff for you


SPIDERS
This is Chloe:

She is a very young pink-toed tarantula. She'll get a lot bigger after she molts.
And Norman:

Norman is a Chilean Rose tarantula. His colors are beautiful.
Aren't they just ADORABLE??

-People who judge me before they know me

-People who are mean to others for no reason at all

-High School

-Coinceded People

-Waiting in Line...unless it's for something like...STAR WARS! That was an awesome day.
Look familiar guys?



-Soap Operas

-Homophobes: Alright, don't like people for their sexuality. Then don't talk to me.

-People that randomly add me to their list just because they think I'm cute. If you do not have a valid reason to talk to me, don't add me.

-Hating people. I hate the feeling of having little or no respect for a human being, or a group of people.

-LIARS

-THEIVERY

-People who fvck around. Fvck you.

-When you say hi to somebody on MSN then say brb right after. DON'T SAY HELLO IF YOU CAN'T TALK. I hate that.

-When my parents smoke pot without me.

-When I give someone a huge heart to heart spiel, and they have already randomly left and are not able to respond.

-When you love somebody so strongly that it hurts to talk to them. When you can't stand to argue with somebody you care about and you just can't stop it. You feel lost, and that is one of the worst feelings a human being can have.

-People who are against downloading music. Music is meant to be shared.

-CLOSE MINDED BASTARDS!

-People that use "..." every two seconds on msn.