Eight months from now, I will be graduating. This year is supposed to be the best year of my high school career-and I'm already off to a great start. I have an amazing boyfriend, great, supportive friends and a stellar family.
Eight months from now, I will need to make a choice.
I know it's coming, and the thought of it is crippling me already. The choice between following my boyfriend(if we are still together), or following my best friend. The choice between two careers-music or journalism. The choice between two completely different lifestyles, but either way I end up the same way. Crippled.
Never before have I lost anyone close to me, but in eight months I will. I've made three or four life long friends in high school, friends who when hurt we sit together on the phone and talk for hours. Friends that when I look at them I know something is wrong and no matter what we are doing I haul them aside and we talk. Friends that will, if I'm hurt, wake up at 4 in the morning when I call pleading for someone to talk too.
I love these people, my friends. But, eight months from now, everything changes.
I've always lived in one town, I've always known the exact same things and the people I'm in school with now are people I grew up with and we played with each other in the sand box. My boyfriend and I, we've known each other when he moved to my elementary school from South Africa. (Mind you, we weren't friends then, but we did know of each other.)
The mere thought of having to move almost 11 hours away from him cripples me already, it brings tears to my eyes and my chest starts to ache. The thought of any of my life long friends moving 11 hours away or more than, it creates the same effect.
I don't know how I'm going to handle this, I am aware anything can happen in these eight months, and I'm aware my best friend might go to the same city as my boyfriend and I won't have to choose, I'll follow them.
Music has always been my first passion in life, but I love journalism as well. The thought of giving up my passion isn't hard on me. Everyone tells me I will need to make a choice on my future, on what will be better for me, music or journalism. But how can I make that choice when I don't care which I do, as long as I'm with those I love and care about?
Eight months from now...it seems so far away, but it's not...
The choices will begin even before then.
Can't wait to go swimminggg
So tired. Never have 8 hour drive, 7 hour sleep, 9 hour flight and arrive where you're going at 9 in the morning where you want to be. Fact is you don't sleep.
"So should we go with one finger, one and a half, or two?"
-about the line drawn around Sara's infected wound to check for Flesh Eating disease
thought chilling with John, Jason and Keelan was really fun, paintballing was a blast. I'm a good decoy, nothing else lol. To much sympathy! I HAD HIM.
brought a dress yesterday for keelan's grad.
STILL not sure what to make of going with him.
i don't think i'll regret it but i think he'll take it the wrong way even though i've told him many times it is just as friends.
fack
but the dress is pretty
whewt got my tattoo!
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b379/Shadowsofthelight/IMG_0791.jpg
I had a horrible daydream. I dreamt that the only person that I feel really cares about me decided to stop caring.
Probably the worst thought I've had in a long time, and that's saying something.
Kiros
With Jay and the Lovebirds
And Havok Way!
April 7th, 6pm at the Long House.
9 dollars a ticket.
Tell everyone you know!
How many times have you been to the ER for yourself?
For myself? Like, wounded or with some horrible sickness? Sickness? Probably 5-7. Wounded? Never.
Is your profile private?
No. Nex doesn't do private profiles...do that?
In the past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
No
How has this past week been for you?
Meh, a'right i guess
Who are you disappointed in right now?
None
When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
I try to hold onto my friends, but normally I'm the one walking out.
Do you do your own laundry?
Nope
What do people think about you that isn't true?
That I'm a nice person.
How many months until your birthday?
9?
What are you listening to?
Uhm...apparently take this to heart, mayday parade. someone tell me why i have this on my computer?
Who's the first person in your Contacts List in your phone?
Kelsi
Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do?
Yeah...
Does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes?
Depends
Name the first person you can think of that has a tattoo?
..Ally
What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Jelly
Do you currently have a hickey?
Ahahaha no
If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
That time right between spring and summer that's perfect, or right between summer and fall that's perfect.
If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to tell you?
With fireworks, and sparklers, and a big fucking cake with a stripper with hot legs.
if they can't do that, a simple 'hey, i like you' to my face works
When was the last time you cried really hard
Uhm...friday? No, thursday night
Is there a guy that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
No
Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Yeah
What's one thing you want more than anything in your life?
To be a band manager, to adopt a kid
What was on your mind mostly today?
sleep, how i want school to end
Do you like winter time?
No
What was the last movie you watched?
Watchmen
Suppose you see your crush kissing another person?
I'd punch person in the face...or act sad for the next week
Did you ever lose a best friend?
Yeah
If something was wrong. who would be the first girl you'd go to?
Sara or Kelsi, depending on who is there to talk
Who is the first guy you'd go to?
Dad, possibly Jon
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
No.
Does the last person who put their arms around you mean anything to you?
It was...John...Meh. he doesn't really, but he gives good hugs =D
Do you like to cuddle?
yeahh
Are you ticklish?
Yes.
Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Dunno
What’s the best feeling in the world?
A lot of things
Honestly, has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
Yeah
Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Fuck yes
Besides your mouth, where's your favorite spot to get kissed?
Uhm...I don't get kissed...at all. >>
Can you play guitar hero?
Yes
Is there something you regret?
Few things.
What's on your bedroom floor?
Carpet, and everything sitting on the carpet
Any plans for tomorrow?
School. >>
Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
Sometimes
If your best friend liked your ex, what would you do?
Well, my best friend is my ex, LOL. But if she liked my other ex? I would probably think she's been lying to me for a long time
Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon?
Can you successfully blow up and tie 400 balloons, and pop them all?
When's your birthday?
Nov. 7th
What's the last thing you laughed at?
Kelsi
Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Sara..
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Uhm...Probably the people from Warpedtour.com. Heavy conversations.
Does the thought of marriage scare you ?
Depends on the person I'm thinking about marrying
What was the first thing you thought this morning?
shut the fuck up, phone, i'm sleeping
Who do you hate currently?
Uhm...
Do you get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night?
I don't get that much sleep, why should YOU? what makes you so fucking special?
Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced?
Tongue
yay, just pretty much set myself up for losing my best friend
