You blame me, it's not fair when you say that I didn't try;;

✖ This is going to sound extremely random, but my feet are freezing. Socks wont even help them now. Somebody should come over and sit on them, to keep them warm. (This would be one of those days when I'd shove them under my dog) Love you KC.

✖ I feel the need to update my page again. I grow so tired of it so quickly. The colours, the pictures, the way it's formatted - everything. People probably get annoyed from the constant updates. ' You have one new update! BooYouWhxre has updated her profile! " It sounds like it's from the movie You've Got Mail.

✖ I'm beginning to think I should leave all of my blogging until the end of the day, as then I'd be able to mention anything; instead of having two blogs a day and annoying the fxck out of people. Sorry! (I do actually feel bad for those of you who read them)

✖ I think I'm just going to stop trying. Why should I bother, anyway? It's not doing me any good - and I highly doubt it's doing any of you any good. I'm just going to let everything take it's course and fall into their rightful place. If I'm meant to talk to you, I will, if not, I won't. Simple as pie.

✖ I have friends that make me more wise everyday. They fill me up with quotes and sayings, making me more sensible. A wise friend told me, " Instead of saying fxck your life, say your life is average. Nothing out of the abnormal has ever happened; and if you just let things flow, you'll eventually be where you're supposed to. " Pedro, I love you.

✖ Three Days Grace is such an amazing band. I've been listening to Let it Die all day; as I feel like I can relate. Bands who can connect with their fans like that truly are inspiring. (They are the reason I decided to write this blog)

X is just to mark the spot, because that's the one you really want;;

✖ I love how wonderful my sleeping patterns are. I can go to bed at 3AM (similar to last night) and still wake up at 9AM. I don't think I'm a normal teenager whatsoever. The last time I slept in until noon? When Brittany and Shanelle had a sleepover during grade nine. Yeah, that's a long time ago.

✖ All my life I have been against tattoos, thinking they're just as disgusting as some of the piercings out there. (Those stretchers people put in their ears are so pointless) Today I came up with the wonderful idea that I should get a tattoo of my dog placed on my shoulder blades; so then it would symbolize that she's always looking over me and taking care of me.

✖ Wow, Christmas is in five days. I haven't really been following the calendar very well. I thought Christmas was still in two weeks. I think I'm going to midnight mass with my mother on Christmas Eve. We attempted doing that last year, except midnight in Winnipeg apparently means 7:00PM. Hopefully it will work out this year.

✖ I really dislike it when people say, " Let's hang out over the holidays, okay? " and then never follow through with their plans. I mean, that is considered an open invitation, right? I know people are busy, but if you're going to be busy during the holidays, don't ask such a question. Maybe it's the thought that counts in this matter? I'm not sure, all I know is that I'm tired of plans being made, but never following through.

✖ So, it's Sunday and I'm already questioning what I should do. I've been playing Dragonica since 9:30AM and managed to gain 30% into level 23. Games are beginning to bore me, as they are so repetitive. Kill monsters, level up, buy equipment, etc. Maybe I should just go pick up a book and read for a while. May bring back my gamer side.

✖ This bedroom is really getting on my nerves. I am always craving to turn on the TV to see what's on, but I realize that the TV doesn't have cable. (For those of you thinking "WTF", I changed rooms again. I am in the guest bedroom now) I think I may just go bring in my VCR (yes, I am old school) and watch Disney movies all day. Anybody want to come over? ;D

✖ I feel more at peace with myself now, knowing that everything is better than it was a couple of days ago. I am drama free once again, and now trying to avoid it for the rest of the year. I'm still not on speaking terms with my mother, but, she'll ease up maybe. Or maybe I'm the one pushing her away? I mean, I never leave this bedroom.

✖ This blog is really long for some reason. I didn't even have much to say when I started. I'm going to end it here, before I annoy anybody else. Love you all. (That was random, but don't ask)

I'm the only broken hearted loser you'll ever need;;

✖ I remember listening to this band back when I was twelve. I was so addicted to them, only because the boy I liked LOVED them. Now I like them again, after listening to a few of their tunes on YouTube. Give them a listen? Brand New. (Recommended song would be Jude Law and a Semester Abroad)

✖ I kind of feel that I worked on my profile for nothing. It looks too plain to me, now. Bleh, I don't like it. I feel so uncreative, at the moment. Somebody inspire me? Maybe if I read for a while, it will bring back my spice. (Like I had any in the first place)

✖ Caseycakes went to a party, so now I'm at home alone and bored. Although, thanks to being so bored all day, I managed to get most of my work done! Then again, this could also be a bad thing, considering the fact that I wont have anything to do once I'm completely finished everything. I just have to write a paper on the budget report for Mr. Bruce-Smith. Sigh.

✖ As much as I would love to go outside in this wonderful weather; I have a strange feeling that I wont be seeing much outside of these four walls over the break. Today I think I have left my room maybe twice, just to go pee. Hell, I haven't even eaten anything. I may be broken.

✖ Well, I'll either be playing Dragonica or reading for the rest of the night. I think I may go and edit my profile to make it look like the way it did before. Wow, I do have OCD. Just for the hell of it, if anybody doesn't have my MSN, you should add me. hayleighklassen_@hotmail.com

But I know, and you know, you're worth more than that to me;;

✖ That retainer that I was so happily getting today, WAS NOT FREAKING HAPPY. The lisp that comes with the retainer is absolutely God awful. Caseycakes tried getting me to say, " She sells sea shells by the sea shore. " The way I say it? " Shthe shthells tsea shthells by the shthea shthore. " Great.

✖ I'm glad things are looking up for me, now. Krissy and I are cool, which is making my life a hell of a lot easier. Nothing is really bothering me anymore, I feel at peace with pretty much everyone...besides my mom. I suppose what they say is true, for every three bad things that happen, a good thing comes along.

✖ Tonight is my lounging night, I have decided. I was going to be headed to Kildonan Place to get pictures with Santa with Shanelle and Brittany, but I missed the bus. I'm also not in the best mood, thanks to my wonderful mother. But that's okay, cause I feel like I'll get more accomplished this way. For the next few hours, I am having my own personal Family Guy marathon.

✖ I unfortunately know one of the things that I am getting for Christmas; as my idiot mother bought it in front of me. Transformers I and II, baby! Shia is super sexy, so a marathon of him wouldn't be so bad, either.

✖ I have a lot to do over the next two weeks. I want to finish reading Th1rteen R3asons Why and Vampire Diaries (all four books) I also have to write my editorial on Twilight, and get Mr. Bruce-Smith's project done. What a wonderful two week break this is going to be. Lots of alone time, apparently.

You're wrong if you'll think I'll be just like you;;

✖ You weren't at school today. Honestly, I was very disappointed. I was looking forward to getting a picture with you (No, not Santa) so I could still see you over the holidays. (Or is that creepy?) I don't know, but all I know is that you better not bring back a girl from Cuba. In Matthew's wise words, " I'll cut you! "

✖ For the last day of school, it wasn't so bad. Matthew and I are on talking terms again, or so I think. As I said, things will get better after the holidays are over. Everyone just needs a break from everyone. We all hang out so much to the point where we get sick of one another. Shit is bound to happen.

✖ Speaking of Matthew, congratulations in getting a part in Arsenic and Old Lace! Same to you, Krissy. (Gleek) You both will have loads of laughs throughout the process of rehearsing; I'll be there opening night! Mmm, Matthew as a sexy cop. (This reminded me of the " Did someone order a stripper? " act he pulled)

✖ It's official, I miss you. I wish you would give me a second chance. I understand that I was as rude and cruel as they get; but I don't want what we had to end on a bad note. I'm begging you to talk to me, Derek.

✖ Getting my sexy retainer today after I take a nap (or play Dragonica) It's purple with a volleyball on it. How awesome is that?

Bye bye baby, now I'm over you;;

✖ I am going to be like Margaret and make two blogs for one day. I just think that this day is worth remembering, although nothing exciting really happened. I just feel so full of ideas for some strange reason, but they can't be expressed no matter how much I write. A writer is never satisfied.

✖ Jamming out to Stereos; as I am every bloody day. The band is so good, and if you haven't heard all of their songs yet; I suggest that you do. Their songs put me in a good mood, except for Butterflies. That one is somewhat sad. But other than that one single song, they are pretty upbeat and keep you going until you want to go to bed.

✖ CASEY CREATED A NEX. I kind of forced him to, considering I always tell him what goes on with it, or what I write about. Now he has one! If you know him or not, I suggest you go creep his page and either add him as a friend or leave comments. CaseyCAKES I know you love his user name. I TAKE FULL CREDIT. Just kidding.

✖ I know, I said I wouldn't use these words anymore, but you're killing me. I'm sure things will be back to normal in time, but I don't want you disappearing on me. (Before any shit starts, this is NOT about Matthew) I hate becoming attached to people so easily. Sigh. I'll keep waiting, though. I'm not a quitter.

✖ I wish I could have been hypnotized, although, I don't really like the thought that I could be doing something sexual towards some old guy. Seriously, that Tyzen guy is my hero; making those guys grind up against him. Epic.

Break away from everybody, break away from everything;;

✖ This day started off terribly, which caused me to think that the rest of it would turn out miserably. Did it? Not at all. Everything went amazingly well, besides the fact that Matthew wont even say a word to me. Things will change later on, hopefully after the holidays.

✖ Got my braces off today! I seem more photogenic now. If only I could upload the stupid pictures from my cell phone onto my laptop. You know, if I even had the two of them. (Silly mommy took them away from me) This desktop will be the death of me, I swear. It's so slow.

✖ Whenever I get a new message, I always hope it's you. When it's not, I always get extremely disappointed. Ugh. I think playing some PS2 or Wii will take my mind off of everything.

✖ I continuously call other people, males specifically, ignorant. It wasn't until today that I, myself, am ignorant to most things around me. Not only am I ignorant, but I am extremely selfish, as well. This are two qualities of mine that really need changing.

✖ My retainer is going to be filled with epicness. It's going to be purple with a volleyball on it. (Since I got to play on the Jr. Varsity team this year) I think I'm going to miss being at school for two weeks. It always gave me something to do. Now I'm stuck online all day.

I need you like a heart needs a beat; that's nothing new;;

✖ Thank you so much Margaret for the wonderful Christmas present; it's really perfect. I plan on using it wisely, but I think we both know what I plan on using it for, yes? If not, I plan on purchasing Th1rteen R3asons Why, so I don't need to fight the rest of the class to get my hands on it during the holidays.

✖ I really hate the fact that saying Merry Christmas is no longer allowed in our society. It doesn't feel the same when someone tells you to have Happy Holidays! Is this just me? I celebrate Christmas, which most of Canada does - even if you're bloody Jewish! But no, the two words that feel the best during this time of the year are prohibited from our vocabulary.

✖ Today was another one of those days when I just wanted to sit in my bedroom and cry. I realized that these feelings only occur when you're around. I've considered telling you, transferring out of your class, I've even considered ignoring you for the rest of my life. None of these things would help, unfortunately. I've just grown too attached to you.

✖ I hate the truth so much, it seriously hurts. I know, it's usually for the best and in the person's best interest. Really, can't the truth be less harsh? " It's your own fault that you're so alone, Hayleigh. You don't like anybody your own age. " Maybe it's because everyone my age are ignorant assholes that have no mean in life except to make someone miserable. Sorry, was that truth too harsh?

✖ Must you take everything away from me? I'm finished with you, yet you continue on making my life a living hell. I hope you graduate next year, so I'll never have to see your effing toucan face ever again. Seriously.

✖ Braces come off tomorrow, I hope! If not, Mr. Bruce-Smith gets a smack for jinxing it. " Hailsburg, I'm going to laugh if you have to wear your tracks for the rest of the school year! " What a man whore, but I love him. (NOT SERIOUSLY)

You don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you;;

✖ Welcome home, KC. The fact that you aren't here in person, or even a solid form, it's killing me. Maybe I shouldn't say those words anymore...killing. They're so serious, so final. I'm sorry.

✖ I am beginning to feel so selfish, as every possible action I take, it's only to bring people closer to me. The solitude is cutting through me, as if I were a brick of butter. Each specific slice has it's own type of pain. I want people around me, so I can't feel those aching slices - which is why I'm clinging to everyone like a two year old.

✖ Christmas has never been a good time of year for me, and this year I realized that people disappear on me. Every Christmas, we hang up the stockings underneath the tree, and Santa fills them up with goodies. Also, every Christmas, a stocking disappears. Five years ago, there were five stockings underneath the tree. The following Christmas, my guinea pig died; leaving only four. The third year, my father left us, now only three stockings remain. Now this year, my best friend left us...leaving only two under the tree this year.

✖ I updated my profile, you should go look at it and tell me what you think. I know it's kind of plain, so ideas would be appreciated.

derekjones,;;

✖ I command you all to go creep my new best friend. :3 He's filled with pure epic win. Just saying. ~

Jet black Cadillac, in the back legs high;;

✖ I think today was the day that I officially realized that my dog will never be here again. Expect the next little while to see no emotion from me. And please, for the last time, stop telling me to 'cheer up' This is how I am coping.

✖ Just ate a grilled cheese sandwich; now I'm dying of stomach pains. Curse you food, curse you! You're supposed to allow me to feed you, not hate me for it.

✖ Ugh. I don't even know why I'm so upset about this. Obviously you and I could never be together, so if this is the case, why do I feel so heart broken? Maybe, just maybe, in the back of my mind I thought that you and I could be something one day; just not now. I should be happy for you, but I'm not.

✖ Casey made me realize that I'm not the same person I used to be. I was so concerned with the type of people I talked to before; now I'm willing to talk to anybody without a care. Those creepers on Nex? Yeah, I'll reply to their messages. He made me realize that I'm willing to do anything just to find someone to love me.

✖ Going to spend the next little while working my ass off on a few things. Mr. Bruce-Smith's project is number one right now. Which, I hope I can complete this week, so I don't need to do it over the break. My English novel study is the next big one. I want an incredibly mark for this, so I can get a higher mark than an 85%

So I'll stay up all night, with these bloodshot eyes;;

✖ I don't know if anyone ever listens to the songs that I put in my blogs, but if someone does today; this song is completely opposite of how I feel. (Besides the one line that is above)

✖ I'm able to eat now; so I'm happy. Unfortunately, I don't eat like I used to. I'm somewhat like Charlotte now - unable to handle big amounts of food. I think I'll be okay now, the weight loss is still an issue. It will have to due until I become normal again.

✖ The people that I claimed to be pushing me away; I realized that I'm actually pushing you all away. I'm not quite sure why, but the only conclusion that I have is the fact that I hate being told to 'cheer up' or to 'smile'. I don't want to cheer up; all I want to do is be depressed for a while and remember my dog while I can. Unlike my mother, my fondest memories are only the ones of the older her, and not the young, happy her.

✖ I think some people are getting angry with the fact that I've been hanging around so much. (Mr. Bruce-Smith) I feel like a burden, now. I honestly don't intend to be one; if I am. I just cling onto the people who make me genuinely happy. Unfortunately, he's one of those people. Trust me, there aren't many left.

✖ I am home alone today; I don't like it. My house keeps creaking and making the types of noises that KC used to make. Whenever I hear those noises, I end up sitting up and walking over to her bed, wondering if she has to go outside. But just like every other time that I've gotten up and checked if she was up and about; she wasn't. She doesn't even exist anymore...

✖ I cleaned my bedroom today, somewhat. I also moved some furniture around. KC has her own shrine now; and some candles were lit in her honor. Now the only light in my bedroom is the flickering of the candles against her picture frame. I love you, sweetheart.

What if I fell to the floor, couldn't take this anymore? What would you do?;;

✖ The hole in my chest is just getting bigger and bigger as the time goes by. Everyone has been telling me that time will heal it...but it's not.

✖ I have to thank Brittany and Shanelle with all that's left of me. You've been the two people who have helped me through these tragic moments. I don't think I would have lasted this long without the two of you.

✖ Mr. Colin Bruce-Smith, you won't read this, but you have no idea how much you have had an impact on me. You make me laugh when I need to laugh, cry when I need to cry, and be angry when I need to be angry. You're the person who has helped me through this the most; and I'm sorry if I'm only using you for my selfish needs of making me feel better. But the hole that sits in my chest; it heals when you're around. Thank you for giving me the ride home, you make me feel less lonely.

✖ It's been five days since I've eaten a full meal; I just can't bring myself to eat anything. I drink lots, so maybe that defeats the purpose of not eating. I hope so, because I can already tell that I've lost weight.

✖ I feel ignored by you guys; as if you don't want me around until I'm better. (Matthew, Margaret, and Charlotte) You guys wont talk to me now, unless I talk to you. You guys don't even support me now, as if you're pushing me away. Do you think I'll turn into Krissy? A crybaby? What is it? Do I truly not have a right to be upset when I had to make my decision to put my best friend six feet under?

✖ KC, I'm so lonely without you. My heart aches when I have to go and say goodbye to you in the morning, just to see you're not there to say goodbye to. I've been sleeping with your blankets, and your picture is always in grasping distance. I need to keep you around; I need you back here. The sounds in the house, the creaking noises, they make me think that you're back here and walking around like you did before. I wish you were...

✖ There are only five people left in the world who fill that gap in my chest. Mr. Bruce-Smith, Shanelle, Brittany, Mom, and Mark. Two of those five will be gone soon enough; and will disappear on me just as easily as KC did. I love you all so much, you guys will never have any type of idea.