A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

I've been shown me empty miracles daily,
But today will be different... maybe,
I just want someone to save me,
Show me where heaven's gates be,
It's not that I am too lazy,
Just that too many people play me,
I need a hand to hold mine lately,
And tell me I'm okay and not crazy,
I'm even alone on the main street,
No one's ever listens to the same beat,
Loniless keeps me company insanely,
But I don't want to be alone plainly,
I just want a hug you can't see?,
You've felt it too so you can't blame me

Dusty---------------------------

It all falls down once it's open
And there is no way of closing
Once it gets to this moment

The skeletons make me cringe
And one time long ago they singe
my heart so locked away they have been

All of it is bare
I am not shy but please don't stare
It is hard enough to just share

You see my decay, my ruin, my rot
I opened it all without thought
Why you're still here I know nought

How you can affect such effect
Make one share all they collect
I could not keep you in check

My words are shaped akin to a key
Unlocking hidden things even you can't see
Until the light shows what they are to be
The secrets you don't want to breathe
Drowned deep in your inner sea
The dust has gathered in your closet
I am a broom, I clean honest

Nights can be cold and the endless stars feel colder
And it feels like just too much on your shoulders
You look up to the sky wondering when it'll be over
Can't is all just ruin like a super nova
And just when you decide to hide under covers
You feel the soft touch of another
To cradle your head when those tears flutter
No words need to be spoken it would only be stutters
I'll help you steer when you have no rudder
I'll be there whenever you suffer
Am not the feel or care of a lover
But am gentle and warm like a long ago brother

Sentimentally golden, But only for a moment,
It is after all yours you own it,
Don't look surprised, you've always known it,
I'll always smile a little sad that you're going. Be back.

Can I be your daily hero
I am no knight I have no armor
My blade is chipped but my heart is calmer
Can I be your nightly shelter
I am me not too strong
I will do my best
And never you wrong

Your G-Unit Shirt - $40
Your Ecko Jeans - $65
Your Airforces - $130
Your Bling Bling - $250
Realizing Your white... Priceless

24 Ways To Make A Girl Smile.


1 . Tell her she is beautiful.
2 . Hold her hand.
3 . Kiss her on the forehead.
4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5 . Always tell her you love her at any and all times.
6 . When she is upset hold her tight.
7 . Tell her how much she means to you.
8 . Recognize the small things... they usually mean the most
9 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with
10 . Write her notes, even if it is just about how your day went.
11 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.
12 . Play with her hair
13 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.
14 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.
15 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.
16 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.
17 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.
18 . Bring her flowers just because.
19 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.
20 . Lock eyes with her and smile.
21 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
22 . Slow dance with her.
23 . Kiss her in the rain.
24 . Just hold her.

What does Love mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:


"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8
________________________________________


"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
________________________________________

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
________________________________________


"Love is when you go out to eat and you give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
________________________________________


"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
________________________________________


"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
________________________________________

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
________________________________________

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) ________________________________________

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
________________________________________

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
________________________________________

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
________________________________________

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
________________________________________

"My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6
________________________________________

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
________________________________________

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7
________________________________________

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4
________________________________________

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4
________________________________________


"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
________________________________________

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."

Mark - age 6
________________________________________

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

JEZZER wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...


One day, jezzer got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me
screw you. But the girl said NO.


JEZZER said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "


She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend Geoff ... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.


Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for £200 , pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."


So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.


Finally, after 45 minutes, Geoffrey calls and
asks what happened.


She responded, "The bastard used coins!"



Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal
in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting
screwed!

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read:
>
> HUSBAND WANTED:
> MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
> MUST NOT BEAT ME,
> MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
> AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
> ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
>
> On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened
> the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had
> no arms or legs.
>
> "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said.
> "Just look at you - you have no legs!"
>
> The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
>
> "You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
>
> Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
>
> She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??"
>
> The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said," I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
>
> The wedding is scheduled for Saturday..