you ever wondere where eveyone is going to be a few years down the road? or when you and friends get into fights and you never talk to them anymore.. you ever really remeber wht really went wrong? has it even crossed you mind tht you wished you had all the old friends back? or is the life you're living now seem like its perfect, or is it just shitacular but you keep smiling so no one knows? why do we hide feelings? or why would we not speak up when needed? or why wonder wht you could of done different to keep your old friends?
Why is it there so many fucking fucking questions to life? or why do the good things in our life seem to be very minimal? and the bad things are numerous?
somedays i ghave no idea why i ask myself so many questions and try recalling where things went wrong.. i miss the old friends i've got to remeber all the good times, instead of trearing myself apart from going through memoris over and over again but wht i really find worse is when you miss someone even though they;re sitting right beside you. and you try and ask yourself why did i go and see my aold crew,, cause though they think you;re ok and all happy.. when on the inside you breaking and crying so hard tht your speechless the whole time
and all you are now is a simple outcast, forgotten, unwanted, and misunderstood trying to pick up the pieces and try to remember wht was so important of having them back... is it for the fear of growing up into the unknown, or for the old security you once had, u thought might still be there?the feeling of being wanted and tooken seriously? all those times where you had a smile not a frown? where did all the happiness go and where did all the heart break start?
is it all apart of growing? or is it just another lesson to be taught and learned?
I don;t know what to say but i havent heard of so much death in the last 2 years especially this year then i have in my life.. the other day my girls watched a yterrible accident on high way 2a and which has scared them for life.. they watched someone lay there and die in their own puddle of blood. like how can anyone handle that. not only tht my best bero watched it and literally came to my house at 2 oin the morning cause he couldn;t sleep and sat up and talked to my dad and crawled in bed beside me so i could hold him as he cried from the terrible memories. to sit and listen reminds me of the terrible deqaths i have seen in my short years of living.. but for me, i never have cried and i have nevered had a night mare about it. maybe i;m still in shockk i wondered, or it scared me to numbness i don;t know.. but to feel moarning of others of loosing someone dearly have truely made me understand the feeling of loss, and what a feeling... its terrifying, like why should anyone feel tht way? its discustingly painful. I;ve seen close to deaths accidents.. i;ve watched people get hit by a train, i;ve watched my babbysitters older son commit suicide back in grade threee and here i am today, numb. not a tear and not a clue of what to do or say or nothing. so here i am writing this for all of you to read. death is scary but why i ask? if we all die in the end, why should we be affraid? and why do the ones who are so yougn leave this earth when they have so much to live for? or why are we left with scars in our hearts and mind after the terrible ordeal?? Like wth do we suffer anyways.? It maybe nonsinse i am speaking.. but don;t you ever wonder?
just always these fucking days where nothing seems to go right.. you;re happy one minute the next you feel liek shit. or you get sad for no reson, and your heart seems to sink into the bottomless pits of lonelyness... i always wonder i get these days.. they never make any flipping sense.. you get angered. annoyed, fustrated, pissed offf in less then 30 seconds with basically anything tht will triger it.. or youll bee soaring high, laughing your ass off.. or in lah lah land, with a shit eating grin or your face with in the next minute.. liek wtf?? whats going on here? is there a name for this mixed emotional rollercoasrer thingy.. or is it just apart of being a chick??? like wth? somedays i wonder really.. why people and myself get liek this.. or even why it all happens anyways.. maybe its a lack a sleep or sumthing.. i dunno.. btu if anyone has the answer i would liek to know please!
The pain i feel
is nothing you can imagine
its stronger then poison
all from a simple bite
a few years ago
it slowly kills...
eating away at my heart and brain
everyday, every minute
it seems the love you gave me
was just a poison from a snake bite
mixed in slowly
with every word you feed me
i ate them like candy
not knowing a clue
thats you;re slowly killing me
and at the last moment
you gave me more then i can chew
i guess i should of been careful
but now its to late
and the poisonious candy has consumed me
myheart is merely made of coal
blacker then sot
my brain has turned to mush
like that of a watermelon
that been tossed off a building
that only mashed itself into every little grove
now i sit here with a dead look in my eyes
as you sit across from me
laughing that god awful laugh
with a croked smile
that even the devil couldn;t perfect
i gues you have one
at your own little gamed you played
making me suffer
so greatly, that no one can save me
but with the little vision i can see
i only see myself
but as i blink
i see the same croked smile
glacing right back at me
to only realize its myself i see in a mirror
in a twisted version i never thought excisted
to realized i feed myself that poison
the devil had created
Some where in the world
we feel at home
somewhere as we belong
somewhere we fit in
a palce so comfortable we feel at home
are minds at peace
souls at rest
bodies comfortable in their own skin...
where is this place i wonder..
for all we know its a figment of imagary
or a place in our minds
have you ever wondered why life can be a bitch some times...
like you sit there and stare at a blank wall and wonder how bad your life has gotten
when only a few moment ago it was so wonderful and beautiful
it amazing how everything can change with in a moment
it can go for the best or turn for the worst
its just sad to see when you know something can turn out so wonderfull you still go for the worst choice
because what you see as beautiful can sometimes be miss leading
like i might sound emo to the ones who are reading this
but this goes for all kids my age and some even older and younger
well all go threw this stage where life seems to be a maze
and in that maze its all of a war of good and evil
and for most of th times hell seems to rise up and take over for most of the trip
and sometimes it gets so bad where some of us drop to our knees and give in to the hell that surrounds us
others fight nf gith but never seem to get anywhere
or yet theres some who walk right into it without a fear of death
this maze we walk through is what is called life
life tht seems to have no meaning at first
and no real end of an award
but the meaning of it is wht we learn as we comes closer to the end of life
facing all the fears and crap in the world
enojoying all the possibilities it throws at us
it may not make sense but eventually it does
no one should ever give in and give their life away because all of it has meaning
some may not agree.. some may
but this is wht i believe life consist of
and it we can;t face the darkness in life
we shouldn;t be allowed to enojoy the brighter side of life
life is a mystery and many will never figure it out
but i say enjoy wht you have cause hell we don't know how long we got
and we don;t got very many years to grow and find our true selves neither
but when our time has come
we'll know then what we die and live for
