Sex is a SENSATION
Caused by TEMPTATION
To cause PENATRATION
When a guy sticks his LOCATION
Into a girls DESTINATION
To increase the POPULATION
For the next GENERATION
Do u get my EXPLANATION
Or do u need a DEMONSTRATION?[/color]
How long does it take for a woman to orgasm?
Who cares? [/size]
Her Hair Smells Nice
A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair
smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office
and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and
explains why.
The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with
the coworker telling you your hair smells nice."
The woman replies, "He's a midget."
Skrawny Guy vs Fat Guy
How To Make Someone Throw-up
A policeman drives by a bar late one night, after
closing time, and notices two male patrons, obviously
drunk, lying on the sidewalk in front of the
establishment. When he parks the squad car and
approaches, he notices that one of the men has his
finger up the other one's exposed ass. When the
policeman asks just what is going on, the owner of the
finger states, "My friend here is very drunk and I'm
trying to make him throw up". The policeman informs the
fellow that normally you would make someone throw up my
putting a finger into his throat, not his ass! to which
the drunk replies, "When I put this finger down his
throat, I guarantee you he WILL throw up!"
Computer Joke
A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his
computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter penis.
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!!!
What size of condoms?
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The clerk says, "What size?"
The guy says, "Gee, I don't know". The clerk says, "Go see Sophie in
aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie; she grabs him in the crotch, and
yells, "Medium". The guy is mortified; he hurries over to pay and get
out of the store.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, the clerks asks the size, and again
sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large".
The guy struts over to the register, pays and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. The clerk says, "What size?"
The kid (embarrassed) says, "I've never done this before. I don't know
what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs
him and yells, "Clean up in aisle 4!"
Fun at Nursery School
Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in
a sentence?" First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"Teacher says,
"Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."Second little boy..."Trees
are definitely green""Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."Little Johnny
from the back of the class stands up and asks:"Does a fart have lumps?
"The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."
FRIENDS
- babii-grrl9319, Female
- ~bliach~20, Female
- crying~angel20, Female
- Cutie150620, Female
- ERINtyvm22, Female
- -HELLO,20, Female
- Kittenangel26, Female
- [*quader*]-6922, Male
- *Rayy*Bear*20, Female
- spadeICP20, Female
- stevey32222, Male
- xo*-Mel-*ox21, Female
RECENT ALBUMS
Imported Pictures
September 08, 2008These are pictures Nexopia has moved into the gallery when we updated our picture system.
 |
BASICS
| Height: | 184 cm - 188 cm (6'1" - 6'2") |
| Weight: | 69 Kg - 73 Kg (151 lbs - 160 lbs) |
| Birthday: | August 28, 1990 |
| Sexual Orientation: | Heterosexual |
| Dating: | Single and looking |
| Living Situation: | Living with parents/relatives |
| Location: | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada |
| Last Active: | 10:29pm | Jun 11, '09 |
INTERESTS
| Reading Material: | Comic books, Fiction, Fantasy, Humor, Magazines |
| Movies: | Action, Comedy, Horror |
| Animals/Pets: | Dogs |
| Video Games: | First person shooter, Fighting, Role Playing, Simulations, Strategy |
| Cars: | Audio, Classics |
| Music: | Classic Rock, Industrial, Metal, Punk, Rock, Acoustic |
| Sports: | BMX, Car racing, Fishing, Football (American), Lacrosse, Mountain Biking, Skateboarding, Sky Diving, Snowboarding, Wakeboarding, Hacky-sack |
| Activities: | Cooking, Drinking, Driving, Gambling, Partying, Poker, Pool/Billiards, Shopping, Traveling |
| Musical Instruments: | Acoustic guitar, Electric Guitar, Harp |
| Outdoor: | Camping, Fishing, Hunting, Hiking, Backpacking, Exploring, Sightseeing, Traveling |
| Computers: | E-mail, Gaming, Surfing the net |
SEX
SOME FUNNY JOKES
20 YEARS
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes I do." she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes I remember."
"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"
"Yes I do", she replied.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."
AIR TRAVEL
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that."
"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
BULLET
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother.
"I was having a pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears.
"Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out". Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears.
"It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a pee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."
For People With a Dirty Mind
Whats PINK and HARD when it goes in.
And SOFT and WET when it comes out.
Bubble Gum
The Perfect Day
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
The Perfect Day - Him
6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Blowjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Shit, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep
Knickerless
Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.
Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
Dumbass Blonde
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an
affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes
home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and
holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with
her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband,
"Shut up... you're next!"
Cheating bastard
A couple had three children. Two of them were bright,
smart and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly and
backward. One day the hubby got suspicious and asked,
"Tell me the truth dear, is this third child really mine?" "Yes, dear,"
replied the wife, " but the other two are not.
Drugs Are Bad
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court
before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to
give you a second chance rather than
jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others
the evils of drug use and pursued them
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the
judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:
O o and told
them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this
(small circle)is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you
do?" (to the 2nd guy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and
told them,
"This is your asshole before prison...."
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes I do." she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes I remember."
"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"
"Yes I do", she replied.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."
AIR TRAVEL
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that."
"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
BULLET
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother.
"I was having a pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears.
"Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out". Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears.
"It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a pee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."
For People With a Dirty Mind
Whats PINK and HARD when it goes in.
And SOFT and WET when it comes out.
Bubble Gum
The Perfect Day
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
The Perfect Day - Him
6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Blowjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Shit, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep
Knickerless
Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.
Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
Dumbass Blonde
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an
affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes
home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and
holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with
her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband,
"Shut up... you're next!"
Cheating bastard
A couple had three children. Two of them were bright,
smart and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly and
backward. One day the hubby got suspicious and asked,
"Tell me the truth dear, is this third child really mine?" "Yes, dear,"
replied the wife, " but the other two are not.
Drugs Are Bad
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court
before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to
give you a second chance rather than
jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others
the evils of drug use and pursued them
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the
judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:
O o and told
them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this
(small circle)is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you
do?" (to the 2nd guy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and
told them,
"This is your asshole before prison...."
YOUR MOMMA JOKE/BLONDE JOKES
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago
Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them
Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas
Good: Your son is dating someone new
Bad: It's another man
Ugly: He's your best friend
Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: She's a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do
Good: Your husband is not talking to you.
Bad: He wants a divorce.
Ugly: He's a lawyer.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
Good: You give "the birds and the bees" talk to your 14-year-old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections
1. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become
kitty liter?
2. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil
come from?
3. How did a fool and his money get together?
4. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow
road sign?
5. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
6. What's another word for thesaurus?
7. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal
injections?
8. What do they use to ship styrofoam?
9. Why is abbreviation such a long word?
10. Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream
container?
11. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
12. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns
because they taste funny?
13. When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
14. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
15. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get
one?
16. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
17. "Experience is what you get when you didn't get
what you wanted."
18. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a
success?
19. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
20. What do you do when you see an endangered animal
that eats only
endangered plants?
21. Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
22. Is it possible to be totally partial?
23. What's another word for thesaurus?
24. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his
wages?
25. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
26. Why do steam irons have a permanent press
setting?
27. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
28. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they
afraid someone will
clean them?
29. Why do people who know the least know it the
loudest?
30. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks
drive with their lights
off?
31. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it
make a sound?
32. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless
or naked?
33. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
34. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
35. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he
has the right to remain
silent?
36. Why is the word abbreviation so long?
37. When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack
it in?
38. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you
read all right?